[Jason34]

I'm not sure I have a speech disorder because I've never been diagnosed but I do have a lot of trouble with my speech. I mumble, I fumble my words a lot, I don't speak clearly, I mix words up, I lose my train of thought, I'm terrible at expressing myself, etc. I also have a tendency to not make eye contact when I talk.

In terms of meeting women and getting laid, how bad is that ? Please be brutally honest.

[Vicious]

There is no easy street for this. Get professional help in the form of a speech therapist that can diagnose you. For this kind of issue you should disregard all layman's advice.

[porscheguy]

Sounds more like a bit of anxiety and insecurity than a speech disorder. If you said you had a persistent stutter I'd suggest you see a speech therapist. But the symptoms you've described are more akin to insecurity and nervousness when dealing with other people, especially if you're dealing with people you don't know very well.

[Jason34]

I'm thinking about seeing a specialist but I think it's probably going to be costly, so I'd just like to get an idea of how detrimental my speech and eye contact problems are for picking up women/getting laid before I do that. If it's that important I'll definitely see someone.

@porsheguy, I'm not really sure it's because of anxiety. I'm like this with people who I know and am comfortable with.

[rationalize_this]

You need to see a professional. Trust me it will be worth every penny. I don't even know how many times I've seen on this form "Its not what you say, but how you say it." and it couldn't be more true. As to the eye contact thing, that is just as crucial.

[Caligula]

See a professional. It's not just a question of pickup, but also of your life quality and relationships in every area of your life - even your career and earning potential. Regardless of how much it costs it will be some of the best money you've spent.

[Sebastian]

Yes if you talk weird they will look you down.

I am a non native speaker. I worked hard to speak better english. I still mess it up sometimes though. American woman doesn't give extra credit because I am a foreign. So If you can't speak right even as an American, it would be worse. ('why does he sound like that?? is he not from here??')

My suggestion is, try to speak like non-english speaker. we rehearse in our head before we say it. Think about what you are going to say first. Instead of rambling, make it simple like a summary.

Think about a bum rambling on street or a rapper talking about stupid things
VS FOB immigrant talking intelligently with limited words and accent. Who speaks better english?

[Jason34]

Thanks for the replies. I guess I'll try to see a specialist. I hope it won't be too expensive.

[Basil Ransom]

While there's no harm in seeing a specialist, I'm going to echo Porscheguy, and say it sounds like general social anxiety. Joining a group like Toastmasters that requires you to practice public speaking may be of help. Lifting weights and generally cultivating your masculine core will also help to reduce your anxiety.

One thing to try is learning to breathe from your stomach, specifically your diaphragm. It's said to calm you down and give you more vocal support, but I can't remember what it's like to breathe any other way, into your chest, so I couldn't say. When you breathe from your diaphragm, your stomach expands and contracts, but your chest doesn't. You'll see babies breathe like this. Breathing from your diaphragm is also essential to barbell squatting optimally.

That said, I've done things here and there to improve my voice without seeing a coach or specialist, and my issues remain unresolved. (My voice doesn't carry well in loud environments.)

I've also posted threads on voice training, and got good feedback here.

[Merenguero]

Jason:

How are your sleep habits? Are these speech problems as noticeable when you are well rested as when you are sleep deprived? The reason I am asking is that I experience similar problems when I am sleep deprived, but can speak pretty clearly in both Spanish and English when I am well rested. My schedule and lifestyle are such that I often have to work until the early morning hours and often have to be somewhere as early as 8:30 A.M., which is a definite formula for sleep deprivation. Being medicated for a sleep disorder would not do me any good, because I have work which needs to be done and that often requires me to stay awake rather than sleep. I have never had any judges or anyone else comment on a lack of clarity in my speech, but they may very well have noticed it. I can only think of one time when the sleep deprivation and the accompaning speech problems may have cost me a notch. That was with a model girl in Miami. In any event, if you also have poor sleep habits, you may want to address those as well and they may be part of the speech problems which you are describing.

[Jason34]

(09-19-2012 10:32 PM)basilransom Wrote:  

While there's no harm in seeing a specialist, I'm going to echo Porscheguy, and say it sounds like general social anxiety. Joining a group like Toastmasters that requires you to practice public speaking may be of help. Lifting weights and generally cultivating your masculine core will also help to reduce your anxiety.

One thing to try is learning to breathe from your stomach, specifically your diaphragm. It's said to calm you down and give you more vocal support, but I can't remember what it's like to breathe any other way, into your chest, so I couldn't say. When you breathe from your diaphragm, your stomach expands and contracts, but your chest doesn't. You'll see babies breathe like this. Breathing from your diaphragm is also essential to barbell squatting optimally.

That said, I've done things here and there to improve my voice without seeing a coach or specialist, and my issues remain unresolved. (My voice doesn't carry well in loud environments.)

I've also posted threads on voice training, and got good feedback here.

Thanks for the advice. I'll try breathing from my diaphragm. I wish it were an anxiety issue but I don't think it is because I have speech trouble even when I'm talking to my family members.

(09-19-2012 10:56 PM)Merenguero Wrote:  

Jason:

How are your sleep habits? Are these speech problems as noticeable when you are well rested as when you are sleep deprived? The reason I am asking is that I experience similar problems when I am sleep deprived, but can speak pretty clearly in both Spanish and English when I am well rested. My schedule and lifestyle are such that I often have to work until the early morning hours and often have to be somewhere as early as 8:30 A.M., which is a definite formula for sleep deprivation. Being medicated for a sleep disorder would not do me any good, because I have work which needs to be done and that often requires me to stay awake rather than sleep. I have never had any judges or anyone else comment on a lack of clarity in my speech, but they may very well have noticed it. I can only think of one time when the sleep deprivation and the accompaning speech problems may have cost me a notch. That was with a model girl in Miami. In any event, if you also have poor sleep habits, you may want to address those as well and they may be part of the speech problems which you are describing.

I think my sleep habits are fine. I usually get around 8 hours of sleep every night. I do feel tired much of the time though but I think that has to do with years of depression.

[Tim9000]

If his speech issue was due to social anxiety, he would know it.

Everybody has had the experience where they intend to say a word but reverse the syllables, or have some other sort of speech glitch. There is a lot of machinery in the brain that needs to operate correctly for fluent speech to happen. If something is going wrong, the error rate can go way up. (I have a high error rate myself, which started in my 20's.)

As Merenguero pointed out, sleep issues can exacerbate a problem like this. I personally notice a moderate correlation between my sleep quality/quantity and my speech. I talked to a neuropsychologist who told me that for many people, the circuits involved in speech are the first to start misbehaving in the face of sleep deprivation or poor sleep quality.

You need to see a neurologist to rule out a host of possible problems. Also, don't discount the sleep issue. You could be sleeping a "solid" 8 hours and having cortical arousals all night long for some reason. That will make you feel tired during the day! If you're smoking weed, drinking heavily, or doing other drugs, stop it.

[Cookie]

When I was a kid i had a terrible speech impediment. For the most part it's gone now, but sometimes traces of it will be noticeable.

To me, it sounds more like you just don't have very good speaking skills. When I was 16 or so I got into the bad habit on trailing off my sentences with inaudible mumbling.
To correct this kind of speech you should invest in professional help, join Toastmasters, or work on building your confidence up (high confidence should cure your mumbling habits).

[EisenBarde]

I'd say a large majority of people who become self aware of what they sound like hate it. I literally spent months trying random voice exercises to alter my voice after first hearing a recording of it.

I still hate my voice, but the easiest way to mitigate the sort of stumbling I used to do is to just SLOW DOWN.

[Basil Ransom]

Given that you said you bad depression and have trouble speaking even to family members, I'm going to retract what I said, and recommend a specialist. You probably have some mental issues beyond the typical social anxiety I mentioned.

[Thomas the Rhymer]

(09-19-2012 03:00 PM)Jason34 Wrote:  

In terms of meeting women and getting laid, how bad is that ?

You are going to need to upload an audio clip of at least 2 minutes of ramble on your favourite topic for us to decide how bad your speech is.

[Hades]

(09-19-2012 03:00 PM)Jason34 Wrote:  

I'm not sure I have a speech disorder because I've never been diagnosed but I do have a lot of trouble with my speech. I mumble, I fumble my words a lot, I don't speak clearly, I mix words up, I lose my train of thought, I'm terrible at expressing myself, etc. I also have a tendency to not make eye contact when I talk.

In terms of meeting women and getting laid, how bad is that ? Please be brutally honest.

Here's my theory.
If you've always had trouble communicating, then your only serious insecurity could be your trouble communicating. Never being able to socialise probably could be a cause for depression. It's a long stretch of not very good inductive reasoning but hear me out.

You can help yourself by figuring out how to clear up your speech. I have a pretty good suggestion. My old English teacher always had a stutter while growing up until he took singing lessons. Maybe you just have to memorize ten or twenty songs and sing. Deep, diaphragm type operatic singing.

Quick Edit: I read some of the other posts. I'll leave this up but you should definitely see a specialist. Unless your other family members scare you? I dunno.

[DarkTriad]

(09-19-2012 03:00 PM)Jason34 Wrote:  

I'm not sure I have a speech disorder because I've never been diagnosed but I do have a lot of trouble with my speech. I mumble, I fumble my words a lot, I don't speak clearly, I mix words up, I lose my train of thought, I'm terrible at expressing myself, etc. I also have a tendency to not make eye contact when I talk.

In terms of meeting women and getting laid, how bad is that ? Please be brutally honest.

It doesn't "kill" your game...but it will certainly hurt it.

And guess what? Like many other parts of your game, if you haven't put balls out effort it improving it, you don't deserve the right to complain about it. Look in the mirror, practice talking to yourself and looking yourself in the mirror. Practice the classic acting elocution games. Treat every social interaction as an excuse to practice your skills (instead of endlessly finding excuses to avoid them). Go to toastmaster.

[Jason34]

I made an appointment with a speech therapist today. I hope it goes well. Thank you again for all of your advice.

[WesternCancer]

You should also check out the site succeed socially for social anxieties and stuff

[Jason34]

(09-21-2012 09:38 AM)WesternCancer Wrote:  

You should also check out the site succeed socially for social anxieties and stuff

Thanks I'll look at it.

[Parlay44]

Take a public speaking course. You'll have to write your own speeches and perform in front of
an audience. They'll do a question and answer thing at the end where you're forced to interact
with each other. Trust me it works wonders. I got to the point where I didn't even write anything
anymore and I just free-styled the whole thing.

[Basil Ransom]

This thread inspired me, I got a voice lesson today and am signed up for another. My teacher gave me a list of exercises to do on the drive to work. She said it sounds like I have a slight Eastern European/ Russian accent (!) because of the way I talk.

I think I'm going to stick with this for a bit and see how I fare. Just in one lesson, I felt an improvement. Really though, the difficulty is in changing how you speak when you *aren't* trying. It takes practice to make it natural.

[Jason34]

I went and saw a speech therapist. She gave me some bad news. She said that talking just doesn't come naturally to me like it does for almost everyone else. She said speech therapy wouldn't help because I don't really stutter or anything like that.

[reino341]

Is it a social issue? Can you speak normally if you're alone?

Maybe you could cure the problem with cold approach and increased confidence.