[Matt-x]

I read a few threads about the dangers of falling in love (losing power hence potential of turning back into a beta) and how its important for the man to be better or atleast have a slight advantage over the girl. There's this girl i've been talking to for a year now, we were really "lovey dovey" at the beginning although it was more of like a playful thing (no sex -_-'). Meanwhile im still talking to a few other girls, and she kind of sensed that. Later she confirmed (fb is a true bitch) but i had nothing serious going on. Things changed, but somehow she's still here, although barely. I gotta admit i dont know how i'll really take it if she leaves for good. I think i screwed up, she actually has gf potential but at this point its going to be really tough to get her to warm up again. How fucked am i? advice is welcome

This is me



This is her


(the actual girl on the left, not that butch chick)

[WesternCancer]

Have you fucked her yet? If not you have bigger problems to deal with.

[Matt-x]

i was close... i may have fucked my chances too.. once she knew i was talking to other girls she quickly became cold about the "us" idea acting like "just a friend" so whenever i randomly gave her a compliment (i know im not supposed to do that, but it wasnt all the time, it was rare if anything) or hinted at the idea of fuck buddies, she'd get upset and ask me to not say that to her (i shouldnt say that to her, but i could to any other girl, wtf) and then go on with the conversation as if nothing had happened.

[Kickb]

Time for a fade away.

Don't communicate with her for a few weeks.

[Havver]

I've been in a similar spot. When I started hanging out with an ex's best friend. Things would sometimes escalate and I would think I was in for a win, I built a good rapport with her but when ever we got close she would close down and say it was weird.

I cut my losses and stopped hanging out with her as it wasn't helping me in anyway. I stopped texting her, deleted her number from my phone (I jotted it down in a book incase I need it for some reason), If she text me I would ignore it for half a day and then reply with the shortest answer I could. I blocked her posts on my fb account so I wouldn't see something from her and start thinking about her again. And I took up a new sport (boxing in this case) to fill in the time that I would have spent with her and try and improve myself.

And I'm now trying to meet new girls, I'm not good and can't claim I'm successful at all with my limited approaches so far but every time I talk to a new girl I forget more and more about the last one.

The most important point for me was when I stopped to think "Is this helping me be a better person or am I wasting my time"

[Gmac]

All of these threads need to be summed up in one phrase: IF YOU HAVEN'T FUCKED HER FORGET IT.

Please guys stop obsessing over chicks you've never banged. The fact that it gets this bad is awful enough.

It's apparent that this is a lost cause and that's without considering you didn't post a pic of the two of you together. Move on brotha.

[Veloce]

Yeah if you'd fucked her things might have been different. However, since the *only* kind of relationship you had was emotional, she's going to be less forgiving of you for "talking to" other girls, whatever that means. If you'd never discussed being exclusive she shouldn't give a fuck. If she's being jealous, this works in your favor.

If I were you, I'd throw this at her: "You know, I actually like you, but I just sensed you're trying to friend zone me and I don't have time for that shit, so me being in contact with other girls is none of your business."

1) you establish yourself as a man with boundaries.
2) you establish intent
3) you establish your refusal to accept any terms other than your own.

Since you admit you're "falling in love with her", this conflicts with the actions that would get you laid and get what you want from this chick. By "falling in love with her", you fall for the same shit as any other beta, i.e. wanting to treat her well, be nice to her, be overly considerate, etc.

At some point you gotta say fuck it, risk never talking to her again, and just put your foot down. Also in rereading your post, you definitely have a serious case of one-itis. Anytime you find yourself worrying about "losing her", you need to look in the mirror and slap some sense into yourself.

[Matt-x]

Thanks bros for the wise words. I noticed i failed to mention that i have been a class A dick to her many times before just to see how far i can push it. The reason i'm not letting go is maybe because she's actually still (somewhat) around and i need to fuck her. I've already banged other girls during this time but nothing. Also i have distanced myself noticably; talking everyday to talking once every month (and still being a dick) although she's not the one approaching me. Am i that wrong for thinking of this one as gf material?? I've deleted her from fb and i dont have her number anymore. I also do other sports and stuff so i dont find myself thinking about it, but i still find myself thinking about it sometimes.

[XXL]

(09-01-2012 08:02 PM)Matt-x Wrote:  

There's this girl i've been talking to for a year now, we were really "lovey dovey" at the beginning although it was more of like a playful thing (no sex -_-'). Meanwhile im still talking to a few other girls, and she kind of sensed that. Later she confirmed (fb is a true bitch) but i had nothing serious going on. Things changed, but somehow she's still here, although barely. I gotta admit i dont know how i'll really take it if she leaves for good. I think i screwed up, she actually has gf potential but at this point its going to be really tough to get her to warm up again. How fucked am i? advice is welcome

you are kind of screwed if you feel emotional attachement to the girl who got away. i'd suggest going for her but treating it like a social experiment, no caring whatsoever.

i know girl like that and i mess arond with her from time to time, frankly out of curiosity and self amusement so i don't care about hte actual outcome. i treat it like a sily game between us. ex.. when i get text from her it's like a little joke

(09-01-2012 08:27 PM)Matt-x Wrote:  

i was close... i may have fucked my chances too.. once she knew i was talking to other girls she quickly became cold about the "us" idea acting like "just a friend" so whenever i randomly gave her a compliment (i know im not supposed to do that, but it wasnt all the time, it was rare if anything) or hinted at the idea of fuck buddies, she'd get upset and ask me to not say that to her (i shouldnt say that to her, but i could to any other girl, wtf) and then go on with the conversation as if nothing had happened.

not every girl is cool with the idea that the guy clearly has options. i've had that at times when i thought "ok beeyatch time for some social proof" and because i was clearly trying to impress it went horrible.

fuck buddies thing failed probably because she labelled you as someone different at the beginning. it's easy to switch from lover/player frame to LTR BF frame but other way around is like mission impossible. because you didn't have sex with her (for whatever reasons, who cares) things were procrastinated and that sweet sexual tension evaporated a bit and things slow down. you became BF material/nice guy etc. so when you mention fuck buddies thing in that situation she definately objects. it's normal.

(09-02-2012 04:07 AM)Matt-x Wrote:  

Am i that wrong for thinking of this one as gf material?? I've deleted her from fb and i dont have her number anymore. I also do other sports and stuff so i dont find myself thinking about it, but i still find myself thinking about it sometimes.

well this is kind of lost cause IMO

why she's so special? do you like her enough to be your potential GF? if yes then i'd put my balls on the line and go or her go-getter style no gay games and prentending to be the prize shit. no in between nonsense

good luck

[Matt-x]

XXL - and this girl you mess around with, do you have sex with her?
After i read the data sheet of latin american women i realized she's as hard as an argentinian, but she doesnt give easy pass thats for sure. Shes definitely a LTR, but she doesnt see me as a nice bf material.. she thinks im a dick and a player (go figure lmao)
Am i crazy for thinking of her as special?? am i playing out of my league or underperforming??

[Teekay]

Move on. I've been there many times and falling for a girl before she put out for you is never worth it.

[Matt-x]

I'm in doubt now.. am i playing out of my league (is she too much ?) or am i down-playing this?? or what

[reino341]

Are you reading the replies? Gmac and thedude3737 had really good answers for a sore case of one-itis such as yours.

[Matt-x]

I just know that if i try a little more i'll end up fucking her ... its the chase.. i dont know what the hell it is

[XXL]

(09-02-2012 07:48 AM)Matt-x Wrote:  

XXL - and this girl you mess around with, do you have sex with her?
After i read the data sheet of latin american women i realized she's as hard as an argentinian, but she doesnt give easy pass thats for sure. Shes definitely a LTR, but she doesnt see me as a nice bf material.. she thinks im a dick and a player (go figure lmao)
Am i crazy for thinking of her as special?? am i playing out of my league or underperforming??

no i met her few years back and due to complicated circumstances she got away and attraction weared off. that's why while i like her i try different stuff on her just to see what's possible etc.

ask yourself, maybe you project qualities on her that don't really exist.

i know it's hard to game girl who is closed. i'll let you know if i find out some killer move

[Matt-x]

I could be idealizing a bit, but i feel different with her. I really dont know what the hell is going on. Am i that crazy for liking this chick that much??

[Teekay]

(09-02-2012 02:28 PM)Matt-x Wrote:  

I could be idealizing a bit, but i feel different with her. I really dont know what the hell is going on. Am i that crazy for liking this chick that much??

Yup you're crazy if you fall for her before she falls for you. No offense, dude. Why don't you do a number of approaches and re-evaluate your feelings later? Can't hurt, right?

[Matt-x]

Yeah good advice, i'll do that. I just want to make sure im not out of my league or "down grading" .. cause clearly im too blind to see the situation

[Teekay]

(09-02-2012 03:00 PM)Matt-x Wrote:  

Yeah good advice, i'll do that. I just want to make sure im not out of my league or "down grading" .. cause clearly im too blind to see the situation

If you're worried about 'league' I recommend reading this blog post at the Rational Male:
http://rationalmale.wordpress.com/2012/0...-your-own/

Granted, it takes a while to unlearn this and other pieces of programming we've been fed forever but it's worth it!

[Matt-x]

really good post, so i'll go after her with an irrational self confidence haha

[newport77]

You're not in love. What you are feeling is addiction. You're addicted to the feelings you get when you hang around her because she allows you to mask your insecurities. This neediness will not help you.

You need to develop your lifestyle so that you draw these good feelings off multiple sources...including multiple women.

[Matt-x]

Possibly yeah it might be an addiction. I need more sources, but so far multiple women has not done it for me. She doesnt think im needy or even suspect it, atleast thats the silver linning.

[newport77]

How do you know what she thinks? You are needy if you're here writing all these posts about it. Women are very intuitive about these things she does't even realise why she's not attracted, but fact is you either aren't making her feel attraction for you, or you haven't escalated quicker enough.

If multiple women hasn't done it then you need multiple hobbies in your life. The more you got going on, the better you'll feel about yourself and the more interesting you'll be.

[Cookie]

To quote my dad: "There's miles and miles of pussy."

Go out, bang a different girl, and then see if you even still care about the one in this thread.

[Matt-x]

Newport77 - true. Its hard to think straight right now but i'm going to keep moving

cookie - didnt work, I'll still keep trying though.