[Tuthmosis]

This chump Matt Schneiderman already has a reputation around here. Read his latest masterpiece. There's so much wrong with this, I wouldn't even know where to start dissecting it. I mean, it's pretty much like he wrote this on Opposite Day, or meant to write "psyche!" at the end.

Would you take advice on women from this face?

   

(Source)

Quote:

6 secret turn-ons for men
Matt Schneiderman

Sure, some typical moves — a hair flip here, an eye batted there — will attract a man... some of the time. But you may be surprised at the things guys really can’t resist about women, and some of them are the very qualities women fear will drive men away — from letting a curse word fly loose to leaving all kinds of makeup near his bathroom sink. Here’s why these habits (and others) can actually win a man over...

1. He loves that you indulge at dinnertime.
Guys love women who like to eat — not ladies who say they aren’t hungry and then pick at their date’s food all night. Paul, 30, who lives in Boston, thinks that food may be the reason he fell in love with his fiancée: “When we first started dating, I thought it might be awkward if I wanted greasy food like wings — I figured she’d think it was fattening or unhealthy. Women I’d dated in the past only wanted to go out for salad or sushi. But she was enthusiastic about eating all kinds of things with me. I loved that easygoing attitude of hers.” Aside from showing that you’re not high maintenance or neurotic about your weight, that kind of unabashed enthusiasm also tends to translate into other areas — including the bedroom. “A woman with a healthy appetite for food tends to have a healthy appetite on all levels, and being affectionate is absolutely a part of that,” explains Barton Goldsmith, Ph.D., author of Emotional Fitness for Couples: 10 Minutes a Day to a Better Relationship.

2. He loves your occasional outbursts.
You may worry that it’s not ladylike, but occasionally letting a curse or rant escape your lips at an unexpected moment can be a major turn-on. “Hearing a woman use profanity out of context gives a guy a shock of adrenaline,” explains Ian Kerner, Ph.D., author of Be Honest — You’re Not That Into Him Either and DSI: Date Scene Investigation. “Men like women who can be tough and assertive, and as long as she doesn’t take the talk too far, it’s a positive thing.”

3. He loves that you aren’t a neat freak.
Believe it or not, guys find the proliferation of hair products, accessories and unidentified stuff strewn about your apartment oddly endearing. “I love that my wife makes a bigger mess than I do,” says Ziad, 31, of Durham, NC. “When she cooks, food ends up all over the place. It shows that she’s carefree, and it reminds me to enjoy the moment rather than worrying about the consequences.” This laid-back mind-set also carries over into your weekend wardrobe. “Guys love a woman who’s not trying too hard,” explains Dr. Kerner. “Most men think a pair of boxer shorts and a ratty old T-shirt around the house is your most attractive look.” So don’t spend hours choosing the perfect date-night outfit or getting your place in House Beautiful-worthy shape, because men love you just as you are — in your comfortable, slightly sloppy glory.

4. He loves your extra padding.
Sure, you’ve heard that men love women with curves, but how about those extra pounds you’ve been trying to sweat off at the gym? There’s a good chance that your guy loves them, too. Just ask 26-year-old Nick: “My girlfriend exercises regularly, but I think the little pudginess in her thighs is sexy because it shows she’s not perfect.” Sure, your extra padding may make men feel a little better about their own couch potato bellies, but there’s also a biological reason why men like this. Psychologists at the University of Texas determined that men were most attracted to women with hourglass figures — regardless of their weight. They theorize that men unconsciously seek this body type because it signals that a woman is able to procreate.

5. He’s fascinated by your knowledge of the things you’re passionate about.
A man becomes fascinated by whatever it is that gets you all hot and bothered — regardless of whether or not he shares the same interests. “It’s not about knowing facts — it’s about being passionate about something,” says Mira Kirshenbaum, author of The Weekend Marriage. “These are things that are important to her, not just stuff meant to impress a guy.” This can be passion for a subject as seemingly obscure as agricultural practices of the Mayans or as popular as Spanish as a second language. He may not quite get it and he may not want to have all-night discussions about it, but he definitely appreciates the fact that you’re a smart, interesting woman who thinks for herself and doesn’t mold her interests to match those of her partner. Your interests also fuel what Dr. Kerner calls the process of self-expansion. “The more you expand as a person,” he explains, “the more the relationship expands.”

6. He loves a good head rub from you.
Don’t get me wrong — men love it when you grope their erogenous zones. But that’s not the only type of touch they crave. Adam, 28, of Roanoke, VA, confesses: “I love how my wife rubs my head at night.” Sweet, yes, but it also feels oh-so-good: home to hundreds of nerve endings, the scalp is an often-neglected zone. And light touches anywhere can achieve a similar effect, since they cause his body to produce vasopressin, a feel-good relaxation hormone that also promotes bonding. Another positive side effect? Initiating any kind of physical contact sends your man the message that you want him just as much as he wants you — and that you truly care about him.

Matt Schneiderman has written for Stuff, Cargo, and Sync magazines.

[Blunt]

1. False. I want her to eat only half of her portion or less so I can eat it if its good.

2. No. I don't care that much about the softer curse words (to an extent) but I don't like hearing girls say 'fuck' unless they are saying 'fuck me'.

3. Are you fucking kidding me?

4. The amount of women who wear 'extra padding' proper is insignificant compared to the amount who are best described as obese.

5.

6. I'll admit I'm partial to a good scalp massage if that's what he is referring to. It isn't really a turn on though.

[BortimusPrime]

I mean sure, who wouldn't be attracted to opinionated slobby emotionally unstable obese gluttons, but that last one is dead wrong. No one messes with my hair.

[Rah]

Gay doesn't even make sense, no gay guy would be advocating for their partner to get fat. This whole things reads like it was written by Steve Carell's character in The 40 Year old Virgin. "bags of sand"

I think this is all about how he feels about one girl he's currently stalking.

[soup]

Unbelievable

[Handsome Creepy Eel]

Dupe. Although, I suppose that since that one didn't take off and this one did...?

[Enfant_Terrible]

(08-28-2012 04:54 PM)Handsome Creepy Eel Wrote:  

Dupe. Although, I suppose that since that one didn't take off and this one did...?

Dude, it's a Tuthmosis post just fuckin' "+1 like" it

[Cookie]

I'm guessing that whoever commissioned this article only did so to fill their weekly quota for troll features.

1. Never.

2. Yes, because I needed an excuse to dump your ass anyway and you just gave me one.

3. Nope.

4. Yes, because it visually indicates that you aren't worth my approach. Enjoy your 12 pet cats.

5. If by "knowledge" you mean regurgitation of an already popular online article, than no. If you otherwise meant gossip or a recap of some TV show, no again.

6. You got me there. My end goal for every girl I game is to have her pat me on the head. Nothing compares to it especially not sex, which is just gross and creepy.

[Enfant_Terrible]

This guy doesn’t speak for me, he’s projecting 6 Things About Him:

1. Foodie

2. Gimp / simp

3. Slob

4. Chubby chaser

5. Femininity is a turn-off

6. Got his dick cut off

[Ramon Zarate]

When I saw no.1 I thought Nigel's Big Game Blog had gone mainstream.

[flyfreshandyoung]

The proper title should be "6 turn ons for men who can't do any better and thus are forced to idealize unattractive behavior"

[Tuthmosis]

(08-28-2012 04:54 PM)Handsome Creepy Eel Wrote:  

Dupe. Although, I suppose that since that one didn't take off and this one did...?

A dupe is a dupe. Good catch. I'll leave this open since the conversation is going, but no one--including me--is above the Dupe Law.

[Duke Castile]

It's like there's a law. "The white knight and/or beta schlub cry for help by pretending to stand up for women law" the only reason any straight man would advocate this kind of shit is because he thinks it'll get him laid. In this case the chump is trying to attract not even an average girl but one with "extra padding".

[Idlenations]

bet he loves getting his nuts stomped on by fatties in high heels.

[Tigre]

While I can't get on board with most of it, certain parts do ring true.

It's a kind of contrast game for girls.

The one about enjoying food, definitely. It tells me she's low maintenance and enjoys the pleasures of the senses. On the other extreme, if she cites a bunch of dietary requirements and leaves half untouched, that's a turn off. Same goes for not being adventurous and refusing to try something.

Just by way of background, I'm thinking of thin and feminine Latin women. This only works when she's attractive with a good figure. Your point of reference may be different if you're visualizing USA land whales sitting in front of exaggerated portion sizes, and already carrying considerable extra pounds.

The one about wearing casual stuff around the house... also true. Only as a contrast, though. If she's casual 24/7, there's no impact.

I'm thinking of Colombianas here. Definitely no ratty T-shirts in her wardrobe. Those get given away to the street hobos.

But let me cast my mind back to hanging in various Colombian homes on a sultry, hot day. You're watching sisters, nieces shuffling around the house, relaxing and not dressed up. Some of the hottest looks are clothes they'd never wear out on the street. Denim mini-skirts. Short shorts. Whatever you call the female equivalent of a wifebeater shirt.

I also like a chick wearing some random T-shirt of mine, but only as a change up. Usually that means brand new tail that slept over. Just been fucked and you're just about to hit it again.

[JohnKreese]

[Celtic]

Is it just me, or does this guy have an exceptionally punchable face?

[Private Man]

The business model of Match.com is to keep people single so that the monthly subscriber fees don’t stop. Hence, the really shitty dating and relationship advice that Match.com dispenses on a regular basis.

Want to stay single? Follow the dating advice given out by fee-based online dating websites.

[Moma]

Realise that there is a dating hustle out there now. I should add this to Pitt's queries on how to make money.

Write a book on how to get lizards. Better yet, write a book FOR lizards on HOW to get men. Put all the shyt in there that YOU have done that caused you to BLOW the lay.

Then sit back and count your dollars.

[Gmac]

This man has already cut his own balls off. I'm sure of it.

[speakeasy]

7. Your man finds it a turn-on to watch you have sex with another man.

[Veloce]

What I see here is a pathological disorder.

This guy was born into a world with desirable women. The desirable women attracted attention from guys, and if the guys had the right combination, she'd fuck him.

This guy couldn't get the desirable women. So rather than take the difficult path of figuring out the combination, he flipped a 180 and channeled his frustration into the pursuit of un-desirable women.

Even they won't fuck him though, but the validation he receives and the pat on the head is worth it to him to propagate garbage like this. Any attention is worth it to him, and the online comments he receives must make him feel warm and fuzzy at night when he's rubbing his dick against his stuffed animal collection.

[soup]

8. Your man secretly wishes to raise the child of another man without knowing it.

[Samseau]

9. Your man fantasizes about being pegged.

[soup]

10. Your man can't wait until you get older. They say men age like wine- well, a man would like a piece of aged cheese to go with that glass of wine.