So I'm in this club in Split, Croatia. I notice all the tables have 'Reserved' signs sitting on them. I ignore the sign and sit down at one of them, near the back of the club. There are a few people dancing - some of the people seem to know each other, others are there on a pub crawl. None of the guys have any game at all. This is soon illuminated when two hot women walk in. They're actual Croatians, not foreign tourists. The two women, a blonde and a brunette, sit down in the booth in front of me, with their backs to me - actually the brunette has her back to me, the blonde is sitting sideways, talking to the brunette. The blonde notices me sitting there with a drink at my table, and is clearly interested - she keeps looking over at me, I think she blushed - there were obvious IOIs. Soon the brunette turns around to check me out - another IOI. My game is pretty poor so I was trying to figure out how to approach them without getting shot down, when I decided the best thing to do would be to let them sit there in suspense for a few minutes. These girls were clearly Croatians because they continued to look over at me, showing interest - women in Canada and the US would probably give one IOI then ignore me. Unless they were ugly, then they might continue looking over like the blonde at the table was doing - except this blonde was not ugly at all. She was hot. Exquisite features, well-dressed, tall, nice expensive looking eyeglasses. The brunette was hot also but I was unable to get a good look at her from where I was sitting.
Then a couple of new girls walk in and stand at the bar. Not attractive enough, but one of them is checking me out. Ok, here's an opportunity to make the girls at the table jealous. I go over to the girl at the bar and have a brief chat with her. She's from Bosnia. I ask her to sit at my table, she refuses, fine. I order another drink and go back to my table. The two women noticed, and the blonde was still giving me IOIs. Next I go to the bathroom and when I return I see a guy I have spoken to before. I say hello to him and shake his hand. This is on the dance floor where the women can see that I know somebody and am not here all by myself. Next I return to the table. As I pass by their table, I look at them, but they are pretending not to see me. I pass them and sit at my table again. I had been hoping for a welcome signal of some kind, then I would have sat down at their table instead and tried to talk to them. But I didn't get one, so I kept walking.
So now I'm back at my table, and I decide to sit there like a beta until I get a definite welcome signal. As if all the earlier IOIs weren't enough - seriously, living in Toronto will make you like this. It will destroy your confidence and you will never learn how to approach, you will develop self-defeating habits to help you avoid the pain of repeated failure - I can't emphasize that enough. However, it seems there are a lot of guys from other places who have no idea how to approach either. As I'm sitting there, some guy tries to approach these 2 women. His eyes are full of fear as he forces himself to lurch to their table. He's not smooth at all. He leans over them and says something only to have them shake their heads 'no' and ask him to leave. He slinks away with his tail between his legs. A few minutes later, another guy does the same thing. Eyes full of fear, leaning in over them, clearly drunk and with nothing interesting to say. After they send him on his way, he looks over at me with shame in his eyes before slinking off. Within the space of a few minutes, about a dozen guys try this. All of them are alone except once a pair of guys tries to hit on these women. All of them fail completely - the women are polite, much more polite than I am accustomed to seeing back home, but each time they shake their heads no and send the losers on their way. Then they go back to talking to each other, while the blonde occasionally glances over at me. They are putting up a shield by talking to each other - it's clear that they're not merely talking, they're doing it to put up a physical barrier to keep unwanted attention at bay. Nevertheless, they are still attracting attention. It's like a war, and these guys are planes being shot down. It's a massacre. They have no chance. But they still keep coming. Each one of these guys has the same expressions on his face as he approaches their table, as he's being shot down, and as he's leaving with his tail between his legs, looking around to see if anyone saw him fail. Yes, somebody saw them. I did. I hope I have never looked like that before. Unfortunately I probably have.
But not this time. After seeing 12 or so guys do exactly the same thing, and fail miserably, I knew what to do.
I got up and approached their table. But I approached from behind, not making a headlong rush in front of them. I approached calmly, with a normal smile on my face, not a stupid fake drunken grin. I had my drink - a mixed drink in a glass, in one hand. I stood behind their booth, between the blonde and the brunette, and rested one arm on the back of the booth, slowly and smoothly. I don't remember what I said, but it doesn't matter - they both turned around and were happy to see me. The blonde didn't speak English but the brunette did. So I talked to her for a good 10 minutes. During this, yet another guy came over - this one actually had the balls to sit down in the booth. They ignored him as he tried to talk to them. I pointed at him and asked the blonde "do you know this guy." She angrily turned on him and pointed to the dance floor, saying "Go! You go!" He ran away. After some more chatting I asked the brunette what she and the blonde were doing tomorrow, she said they were going to the beach, did I want to come, of course, I said give me your number, she grabbed my phone and punched in the number herself, then called herself to see if it worked. We were all smiling. My drink was finished. So I looked in my wallet and saw there was only 10 Kunas there. A drink costs at least 30 Kunas so I had to go find a bank machine. This is where I think I fucked up - the brunette saw me pull out my wallet, look in it, and seemed shocked - I think she thought that I thought she was a whore maybe she got insulted because she thought I was showing it to her. I don't know. Or maybe they WERE whores and when she saw I only had 10 Kunas on me at the moment, she assumed I was too poor to afford her services. Anyway, I explained that I needed to go get some money for drinks but I'm not sure if she understood. Because when I texted her the next day, there was no response. Nor was there a response when I texted the day after that. Oh well. She flaked on me. But at least I didn't get shot down like all those clowns. And after watching them, I know what not to look like when approaching.
Having the balls to approach is good, but it is pointless if you don't know what to do with that sort of confidence. In fact, approaching women when you have no clue how to approach, may eventually cause you to retreat from approaching because of the constant pain of failure. Approaching the wrong way could turn you from a normal, confident guy, into a guy who's afraid to approach. My approach in this case did not lead to ultimate success with either the blonde or the brunette, but it still made me feel good about myself because I know I did it the right way (initially). This particular approach, though a failure, makes me want to go out and try again. But if I had made a stupid approach like those other guys in the club, I'd be even more reluctant to go out and try approaching again. So approaching the right way is important. Don't just go out to approach blindly if you don't have a clue, and/or if you're in a bad place for guys (Toronto, D.C. etc.) because you'll make a fool of yourself. Do that enough times and you'll destroy your confidence. And with no confidence, you'll never get anything.
Then a couple of new girls walk in and stand at the bar. Not attractive enough, but one of them is checking me out. Ok, here's an opportunity to make the girls at the table jealous. I go over to the girl at the bar and have a brief chat with her. She's from Bosnia. I ask her to sit at my table, she refuses, fine. I order another drink and go back to my table. The two women noticed, and the blonde was still giving me IOIs. Next I go to the bathroom and when I return I see a guy I have spoken to before. I say hello to him and shake his hand. This is on the dance floor where the women can see that I know somebody and am not here all by myself. Next I return to the table. As I pass by their table, I look at them, but they are pretending not to see me. I pass them and sit at my table again. I had been hoping for a welcome signal of some kind, then I would have sat down at their table instead and tried to talk to them. But I didn't get one, so I kept walking.
So now I'm back at my table, and I decide to sit there like a beta until I get a definite welcome signal. As if all the earlier IOIs weren't enough - seriously, living in Toronto will make you like this. It will destroy your confidence and you will never learn how to approach, you will develop self-defeating habits to help you avoid the pain of repeated failure - I can't emphasize that enough. However, it seems there are a lot of guys from other places who have no idea how to approach either. As I'm sitting there, some guy tries to approach these 2 women. His eyes are full of fear as he forces himself to lurch to their table. He's not smooth at all. He leans over them and says something only to have them shake their heads 'no' and ask him to leave. He slinks away with his tail between his legs. A few minutes later, another guy does the same thing. Eyes full of fear, leaning in over them, clearly drunk and with nothing interesting to say. After they send him on his way, he looks over at me with shame in his eyes before slinking off. Within the space of a few minutes, about a dozen guys try this. All of them are alone except once a pair of guys tries to hit on these women. All of them fail completely - the women are polite, much more polite than I am accustomed to seeing back home, but each time they shake their heads no and send the losers on their way. Then they go back to talking to each other, while the blonde occasionally glances over at me. They are putting up a shield by talking to each other - it's clear that they're not merely talking, they're doing it to put up a physical barrier to keep unwanted attention at bay. Nevertheless, they are still attracting attention. It's like a war, and these guys are planes being shot down. It's a massacre. They have no chance. But they still keep coming. Each one of these guys has the same expressions on his face as he approaches their table, as he's being shot down, and as he's leaving with his tail between his legs, looking around to see if anyone saw him fail. Yes, somebody saw them. I did. I hope I have never looked like that before. Unfortunately I probably have.
But not this time. After seeing 12 or so guys do exactly the same thing, and fail miserably, I knew what to do.
I got up and approached their table. But I approached from behind, not making a headlong rush in front of them. I approached calmly, with a normal smile on my face, not a stupid fake drunken grin. I had my drink - a mixed drink in a glass, in one hand. I stood behind their booth, between the blonde and the brunette, and rested one arm on the back of the booth, slowly and smoothly. I don't remember what I said, but it doesn't matter - they both turned around and were happy to see me. The blonde didn't speak English but the brunette did. So I talked to her for a good 10 minutes. During this, yet another guy came over - this one actually had the balls to sit down in the booth. They ignored him as he tried to talk to them. I pointed at him and asked the blonde "do you know this guy." She angrily turned on him and pointed to the dance floor, saying "Go! You go!" He ran away. After some more chatting I asked the brunette what she and the blonde were doing tomorrow, she said they were going to the beach, did I want to come, of course, I said give me your number, she grabbed my phone and punched in the number herself, then called herself to see if it worked. We were all smiling. My drink was finished. So I looked in my wallet and saw there was only 10 Kunas there. A drink costs at least 30 Kunas so I had to go find a bank machine. This is where I think I fucked up - the brunette saw me pull out my wallet, look in it, and seemed shocked - I think she thought that I thought she was a whore maybe she got insulted because she thought I was showing it to her. I don't know. Or maybe they WERE whores and when she saw I only had 10 Kunas on me at the moment, she assumed I was too poor to afford her services. Anyway, I explained that I needed to go get some money for drinks but I'm not sure if she understood. Because when I texted her the next day, there was no response. Nor was there a response when I texted the day after that. Oh well. She flaked on me. But at least I didn't get shot down like all those clowns. And after watching them, I know what not to look like when approaching.
Having the balls to approach is good, but it is pointless if you don't know what to do with that sort of confidence. In fact, approaching women when you have no clue how to approach, may eventually cause you to retreat from approaching because of the constant pain of failure. Approaching the wrong way could turn you from a normal, confident guy, into a guy who's afraid to approach. My approach in this case did not lead to ultimate success with either the blonde or the brunette, but it still made me feel good about myself because I know I did it the right way (initially). This particular approach, though a failure, makes me want to go out and try again. But if I had made a stupid approach like those other guys in the club, I'd be even more reluctant to go out and try approaching again. So approaching the right way is important. Don't just go out to approach blindly if you don't have a clue, and/or if you're in a bad place for guys (Toronto, D.C. etc.) because you'll make a fool of yourself. Do that enough times and you'll destroy your confidence. And with no confidence, you'll never get anything.
