[Soma]

Surprisingly, this is the first time this has ever happened to me so I had to improvise. I think I've handled it ok so far, not optimally, but I'd be curious if any of the seniors here had run into a similar situation before, how they handled it and how they think I should proceed from here. This will be a bit long as I'll try to include all the lead-up detail I can; you can skip to the paragraphs after the ****'s to get to the main part. My goal here is to bang this girl and make her the first inductee into my Jakarta rotation.

I went out my first night in Jakarta with a couple new acquaintances and later we end up at the most trendy, upmarket lounge/club in the city. For those familiar with Bangkok, the crowd is like that out in Thong Lor, i.e. middle-upper and upper class, though with some expats sprinkled in. Nothing like a seedy after-hours club. I've partied in places like NYC, London, Buenos Aires, Bangkok, etc. and the girls here are unbelievably attractive and could easily hold their own with the top venues in those cities.

Having been in the game a while, female beauty rarely elicits a particularly strong response in me, but this one Indonesian girl I saw there instantly gave me a raging hard-on - first time that has happened in as long as I can remember. Objectively, she's in the 8-8.5 range, but incredibly sexy, cute, with exactly the facial features I like and a tight, slender little body with a bubble butt and big, nicely-shaped titties. And braces, a fetish of mine. I later learn she's 21 and, thankfully, highly unlikely a working girl (a welcome relief after a recent misadventure in Phuket). It's only my first day here and I don't know the nuances of Indonesian game, so I just immediately approach, open and run with standard western game. It hooks well. Within 15min we're dancing, making out and groping (side point: I never saw any other people kissing or other PDAs there.) We hang out for another hour or so before she says she has to go with her friend and that she has work the next day. Didn't know if this was true or if maybe she was embarrassed or something due to the pretty explicit kissing in front of her friends and everyone else there. I mean, it is a muslim country after all and I'm just starting to learn about the culture. But we exchanged numbers, agreed to meet up the next day and that was that. (I then partied until 10am with a disastrous morning drive 45min outside the city with some other girls we picked up later, but that's a story for another time.)

Text game commences. She messages me at 8am, not 5 hours later, "Soma sexy man good morning how are you today?" (I put my name as Soma SexyMan in her phone as a joke.) A bit more back-and-forth while I'm with the other girls then eventually go to bed. Later that night we meet up at a wine-bar/lounge and split a bottle of red. From the moment we get there she's giving huge IOI's, can't keep her hands off me, staring deep in my eyes then blushing, etc. Being a petite Asian girl, she's pretty hammed by the time we finish the bottle and head out. She tried to pay but I refused it. This is where my logistics game starts to break down that night. I reluctantly agreed to go back to the lounge where we met, just a few minutes walk away, as her friend was working there (PR girl). I would have much preferred to go to another more intimate lounge but I figure we can stay for a drink and head out. I'm also realizing the fact that I'm still in a hotel and don't move into an apartment for a few days is going to be a problem, as she's a proper middle-upper/upper class girl and I'm assuming, like in Thailand, that heading back to a hotel may not fly with her.

The lounge we return to turns out to be a lot of fun, though made it difficult to escalate any further. She actually had a couple female friends there, along with a Korean salaryman dating one of them who bought a table full of bottles for us. With all the free booze flowing it started to get rather sloppy, including at various points us two dancing on tables with more messy make-outs and groping and pretty much everyone there staring at us in bemusement. (Keep in mind this is a fairly classy NYC loft style venue.) Good times. I'll mention at this point that Indonesians are, for whatever reason, particularly attracted to my look, more than any place I've ever been. In two days I've been asked 7 times by random people if I'm a model or actor and with 2 separate offers for modelling. Has happened a couple times in Thailand over many months but nothing like here. Her friend, a PR girl for the club and quite attractive herself half-jokingly told me at one point: "I'm the PR girl but you're more pretty than me, it's making me look bad." (She meant pretty as a compliment.) Random girls at night stop me and say things like: "How are you so handsome?" I really don't mean this boastfully, it's just been part a key part of the experience so far. Not much more of note here until we leave a couple hours later.

********************************************************

As mentioned, we're both rather trashed now and its about 3am or so. Of course, being South-East Asia, we get her car from the valet and start driving at high speeds without giving it a second thought - both fun and terrifying. With my rational faculties not running at full steam I make the biggest mistake of the night. Instead of pushing to head back to my or her place we decide to go out and dance some more. I wasn't familiar with the places close by she suggested so I just picked one at random. Turned out to be a big, open mega-club type place, pumping house music, etc. Certainly not ideal.

This is where everything turns to shit. As we exit the elevator up to the club (she paid our cover, wouldn't let me) she sees her "ex-boyfriend" - notably, another young westerner - leaving with some other local girl. I didn't even notice it happen but within 15s her entire demeanour had changed and she was on the verge of tears and wouldn't talk. I didn't know what the fuck was going on. We're just kind of standing by the bar and she's not saying anything, then she breaks out the iPhone and starts texting away to someone, presumably him.

Exactly how the following transpired is a bit blurry, keeping in mind we're both quite drunk, but this is the gist of it. After a minute or two she can see I'm pretty pissed at how she’s now acting. She then tells me that it was a guy she used to see 6 months ago that basically fucked her for a while but wouldn't be her boyfriend, and she felt incredibly used by him. Reading not too deeply between the lines, she fell in love with him (as young, hot girls are hard-wired to like assholes) but he was just using her for sex. While she's explaining this I'm telling her I really don't want to know about her ex-boyfriend problems or get involved in this drama. I leave her there for a while and walk around chat up some other girls there (and get offered another modelling gig.) When I get back she's talking to what was apparently her ex-boyfriend's friend and then goes back to more texting. About another minute of that and I told her either she finishes up with this drama fast or I'm going to leave her there and head somewhere else. She starts really apologizing at this point but still looking mopey and the whole sexy, playful, hookup vibe between us was completely dead. I leave her alone to go walk around again and then decide fuck it, I'm done with this shit. I've invested 2 nights with her but I'm not going to stand around another second watching her type on her bloody iPhone. Didn't say goodbye, I just texted her "I'm heading out now. Call me if you get your issues sorted out", went to the bathroom and then left with no intention of seeing again. Shame, because besides this unexpected 30min drama, everything else I'd thought about her was great.

When I left the club she was already waiting for me in front with her car. I was not expecting that. I debated whether to get in or a taxi instead, then had a quick change of heart and decided to see if I could somehow salvage the situation for another night, as much for the challenge of it as for the fact that she is bloody hot and I still would really want to fuck her. On the way to my place she was apologizing the entire time for how she acted, must have said "I'm sorry" at least 50 times. I mostly put up an indifferent air, occasionally saying things like "It is what it is," but certainly not accepting her apology. Close to my place - this is about 4 or 5am now - she suggests we stop for something to eat and knows a great place. Why not, see where this goes, and I was rather hungry anyway.

At the restaurant she lightened up, I had sobered up a bit and was less pissed off now, and the flirty vibe came back a bit, but I definitely wasn't going to try to bother pushing for more escalation now. Food was bloody delicious, a sampler of about 15 different kinds of local food. She seemed to enjoy watching me try the different dishes, though really hard to tell if she was just putting on a bit of a show now. She wouldn't let me pay, saying because she's so sorry about what happened. We left and drove about another minute to my hotel. There, before I get out we exchange the following:

Girl: "I'm really so sorry."
Soma: "Look, I just really don't care or want to know about your ex-boyfriend problems."
Girl: "We'll get lunch tomorrow, ok?"
Soma: "Sorry, no, you're in the penalty box now. You get a few days to a week to think about what happened, figure out what you want, and then maybe I'll see you again."

That she was not expecting. So I left the car and she drove home alone.

All texting today, so I'll just copy it here:

Girl: "Good morning Soma, I'm sorry about last night how r u doing today?"
Soma: "I'm doing great, always. And you? Very fun night last night, before [name of club]. -20 points for drama"
Girl: "Yaya...somany lost point how do I to make gain again?:-p"
Girl: "Soma, what r u doing now?had dinner?"
Soma: "We'll have fun again soon, but no joke what i say yesterday, you have penalty now, don't get to see me for a few more days."
Girl: "Hmm...okok, I accept my penalty then:-p nite nite Soma({})"

In the post-restaurant interaction I wanted to emotionally punish her for displeasing me, make it clear that I would not be an emotional tampon or a pushover and frame it so that now she has to chase me.

So, if you've slogged through that, any thoughts? How would you recommend handling a girl, especially a younger one, getting really emotional on a date if she sees an ex? Did I make too little or too big a deal out of it? What do you think about the post-restaurant interaction? How would you proceed from here? I think I've made enough of a deal already about the ex think so if/when I see her again, probably at a dinner date in my apartment, I'm not going to even mention it.

[Duke Castile]

Dang man. I think you should have left that club as soon as you saw her vibe change. But I also think you did everything right under the circumstances. It sounds like she's really ready to make it up to you and you're making her wait too long. She could cool off during those days you're "punishing" her. I would tell her that you'll forgive her if she cooks you dinner at your place and see what happens.

BTW what do you look like? Similar featured guys may want to get over there.

[MrXY]

I think you handled this just right. As I'm sure you realize, the average gameless guy would've put is arm around her and encouraged her to talk for hours about her feelings with regard to the ex, which would've killed her attraction.

She seems like a really good girl and obviously likes you a lot. I wouldn't blame her for getting upset, girls are emotional creatures after all, but you were right to act in a way that made very clear to her you were not going to tolerate her bad behavior.

I've found that the walkout and the timeout are two of the most powerful moves a player can make, because they communicate your non-neediness and your higher value so well. They impose your frame on her-that it is you who are in control of the situation, that you are living your life according to your own rules and that if she wants to be part of your life, she has to behave herself and control her worst female instincts.

I particularly like the way when you put her on timeout you prefaced it with "We'll have fun again soon...." By doing so you let her know that you still like her and avoided coming across as too harsh and uncaring

I also agree totally that you shouldn't bring up the issue when you see her. When she inevitably does, just let her know in a nice but firm way that you consider the issue closed and don't want to discuss it. Let her know you just want to move forward.

I predict you will get the bang on the next date

[Soma]

Thanks gents, that's reassuring. I completely realize that waiting one week is probably too long because of the cooling off period. Problem is, I only move out of my hotel and into my apartment then (a sweet downtown penthouse), otherwise a dinner date with her/us cooking isn't possible. I've got another girl in the pipeline too, but I think I'm going to take off to the coast to do some surfing for a few days anyway until I move in.

(06-24-2012 04:28 PM)Fisto Wrote:  

BTW what do you look like? Similar featured guys may want to get over there.

Typical northern european look with particularly pale skin and from what I can tell it's a mostly untapped goldmine for those with that look.

[R Smoov]

You did well bro. The quickest way for a girl to knock you off is by saying some boyfriend problem. Usually, I begin leaving as soon as she starts saying bullshit about another guy. It's just plain rude and irritating.

But as for the modeling thing, I'd say go for it if ya can. You're exotic there, so its best to make your presence known a bit.

[Vicious]

From my experience with Indonesia the place is quite conservative.(moslem). Did you not get any of this when laying it on the ladies.

[johnwu]

(06-24-2012 11:41 PM)Soma Wrote:  

Thanks gents, that's reassuring. I completely realize that waiting one week is probably too long because of the cooling off period. Problem is, I only move out of my hotel and into my apartment then (a sweet downtown penthouse), otherwise a dinner date with her/us cooking isn't possible. I've got another girl in the pipeline too, but I think I'm going to take off to the coast to do some surfing for a few days anyway until I move in.

(06-24-2012 04:28 PM)Fisto Wrote:  

BTW what do you look like? Similar featured guys may want to get over there.

Typical northern european look with particularly pale skin and from what I can tell it's a mostly untapped goldmine for those with that look.

While every hamster may think that they are the prize, remember that you are always the legitimate prize.
I certainly think you did the right thing, that behavior was unacceptable on her part. But again, who cares if you did the right thing, there's way more women out there!

As for Indonesian girls, from my experience with the upper class ones, if they think you are mad at them they will become extremely concerned, more so than almost any other girls i've seen. One of them was constantly apologizing to me throughout the day and then the rest of the week even though what caused her concern was an insignificant text.
Once you have an Indonesian girl hooked, there isn't anything she won't do for you, she'd be buying YOU luxury items instead of the other way around.
However Indonesian women are also known to be extremely calculating, as they tend to be very attached to family, and must be with someone that their family approves of, which tends to be very conservative, so your fling will most likely not last that long.

[trey]

You handled this fine.

As an aside, I keep hearing again and again that the scene in Jakarta is off the hook right now. Gotta get out there.

[Timoteo]

Whether she bumped into her ex-boyfriend or not, because of her experience with him, she was going to be a challenge for you to fuck. She would have continued to tease you into a vicious case of blue balls with no money shot in the near future.

You dealt with this one the right way. You put in some time/effort/money, and her attraction is obvious, so you don't want to bail on her completely. Putting her on punishment was the right move, while still giving her hope. And I wouldn't worry too much about the cooling-off period and losing her. When you re-engage, hopefully she'll start acting right.

[Spike]

You did good handling the situation in the bar but i think your being too harsh with the penalty talk. Of course she's gonna be pissed of when she sees her ex-boyfriend leave with another girl. Especially if she had a crush on him and he dumped her. Just text her tomorrow or the day after. I wouldn't push it too far. Indonesian girls are drama queens.

The modelling thing is quite normal in Asia, happened to me all the time.

[Soma]

(06-25-2012 08:04 AM)Vicious Wrote:  

From my experience with Indonesia the place is quite conservative.(moslem). Did you not get any of this when laying it on the ladies.

Actually, not at all. I was only out 3 nights in Jakarta so far but I was pretty surprised at how open and liberal it was, more so than Bangkok, for example. That's only a small sample size, though, and I haven't been out in the rest of the country yet.

(06-25-2012 10:05 AM)johnwu Wrote:  

However Indonesian women are also known to be extremely calculating, as they tend to be very attached to family, and must be with someone that their family approves of, which tends to be very conservative, so your fling will most likely not last that long.

An Australian-Indonesian girl (raised in Oz, now back in Indo) was telling me about the extremely calculating thing, much, much more than Western women, acting all coy and submissive, and how the men are generally none the wiser. Meh, if it doesn't last there's always plenty more girls out there. She supports her remaining family though, and not the other way around, so I get the impression she has more say in what she can and can't do.

(06-25-2012 06:05 PM)Timoteo Wrote:  

You dealt with this one the right way. You put in some time/effort/money, and her attraction is obvious, so you don't want to bail on her completely.

To be fair, I think she's put in more money at this point.

(06-25-2012 06:36 PM)Neil Skywalker Wrote:  

You did good handling the situation in the bar but i think your being too harsh with the penalty talk. Of course she's gonna be pissed of when she sees her ex-boyfriend leave with another girl. Especially if she had a crush on him and he dumped her. Just text her tomorrow or the day after. I wouldn't push it too far. Indonesian girls are drama queens.

Fair enough. I've already been texting with her and everything's back on track. She's agreed to cook for me. I told her to make sure she doesn't poison us and she said that wouldn't be so bad because we'd get to stay in together - not so subtle. Not even worried anymore, should be game on.

[UgSlayer]

Imo explicitely telling a girl by txt ur punishing her by withdrawing attention is a bad move. Telling her ur leaving the club through text is a bad move. Its a bit reaction seeking. Just do those things without letting her know and her hamster will go crazy. But I like that you didn't put up with her bullshit.

Its best to punish bad behavior in person, which you did. Its best to ignore bad behavior in between meetings. No texting phone calls etc except when she's being good and to set up meetings.

[RichieP]

Glad it's on again. Jakarta sounds really interesting... Would you care to drop a data sheet at some point? My previous impression was it's conservative and only nightlife options are pros. But thats clearly not the case.

[Seduction Sutra]

(06-24-2012 03:48 PM)Soma Wrote:  

(side point: I never saw any other people kissing or other PDAs there.)

Unless you want to go to jail, it's better not to kiss or show any PDAs in Indonesia.

http://www.sensationizer.com/2010/07/in-...ou-to.html

[Handsome Creepy Eel]

Hah! That reminds me of when a girl I went on a date with wanted me to visit a bar where she had agreed to meet her ex-boyfriend before. Intentionally.
(and since it was in the dreaded Beta days, I actually went with her. Needless to say, even though we stayed there only 15 minutes, the date was dead from that point onwards)

[Soma]

Quick follow-up for anyone interested. Back from surfing on the coast (and banging surfer chicks) for a few days and talked to her today to set up next meeting. She is rather sick and took the day off work (which I probably believe,) and wants to watch a movie tomorrow night at my place instead. Repeated many times in a pleading voice that she really wants to see me again soon. And here's where it gets interesting: she asked me if I've been to Bali and suggested that we could take a trip there together sometime. Potential stage 5 clinger on my hands now, this after 1 date and I haven't even banged her yet. That or a very cunning, wealthy pro.

(06-25-2012 09:07 PM)Soma Wrote:  

(06-25-2012 06:36 PM)Neil Skywalker Wrote:  

You did good handling the situation in the bar but i think your being too harsh with the penalty talk. Of course she's gonna be pissed of when she sees her ex-boyfriend leave with another girl. Especially if she had a crush on him and he dumped her. Just text her tomorrow or the day after. I wouldn't push it too far. Indonesian girls are drama queens.

Fair enough. I've already been texting with her and everything's back on track. She's agreed to cook for me. I told her to make sure she doesn't poison us and she said that wouldn't be so bad because we'd get to stay in together - not so subtle. Not even worried anymore, should be game on.

I've thought about it a bit more, and I'm generally happy with the way I handled it, especially give my state of inebriation. Don't think I'd really change anything. I believe I read her correctly and was not too harsh. The whole "putting her in the penalty box" may have come off a bit serious in writing, but it was a bit more light-hearted in person, though I really did mean it. I would have much preferred to say 3 or so days apart instead of a week, as there is obviously too much potential for a cooling off period, but I wanted to wait until logistics were perfect for sex, which they are now.

(06-25-2012 11:30 PM)RichieP Wrote:  

Glad it's on again. Jakarta sounds really interesting... Would you care to drop a data sheet at some point? My previous impression was it's conservative and only nightlife options are pros. But thats clearly not the case.

Conservative and only pros? Definitely not. Sure, you can find designated areas with pros, e.g. Jakarta's Blok M is like Bangkok's Soi Cowboy (so I've heard), hotel clubs, etc., but there's plenty of venues with high quality local talent looking to party. I'll drop a data sheet when I head out; was only planning on staying a few days but I'm rather enjoying it and will probably base out of here for a while now.

(06-26-2012 01:21 AM)Seduction Sutra Wrote:  

(06-24-2012 03:48 PM)Soma Wrote:  

(side point: I never saw any other people kissing or other PDAs there.)

Unless you want to go to jail, it's better not to kiss or show any PDAs in Indonesia.

http://www.sensationizer.com/2010/07/in-...ou-to.html

Yikes, didn't realize it was against the law. Must look into this further and avoid future dancing on table make-outs. Going to an Indonesian jail for 5 years does not sound very pleasant.

[Timoteo]

"...Repeated many times in a pleading voice that she really wants to see me again soon. And here's where it gets interesting: she asked me if I've been to Bali and suggested that we could take a trip there together sometime. Potential stage 5 clinger on my hands now, this after 1 date and I haven't even banged her yet. That or a very cunning, wealthy pro."

Bali is expensive, isn't it? Ahhhh...girl game is strong in this one! Don't even think about traveling with a chick you haven't fucked yet. Unless SHE'S paying for this little excursion.

[Soma]

(06-29-2012 08:42 AM)Timoteo Wrote:  

"...Repeated many times in a pleading voice that she really wants to see me again soon. And here's where it gets interesting: she asked me if I've been to Bali and suggested that we could take a trip there together sometime. Potential stage 5 clinger on my hands now, this after 1 date and I haven't even banged her yet. That or a very cunning, wealthy pro."

Bali is expensive, isn't it? Ahhhh...girl game is strong in this one! Don't even think about traveling with a chick you haven't fucked yet. Unless SHE'S paying for this little excursion.

Oh hell no. I told her that sounds fun and could be an option sometime in the future. There's very few girls who I could tolerate long enough to travel with, so I would definitely have had to have banged a lot and known her a while. And she'd be paying for half. Can't tell yet if she's girl gaming hard and feeling me out or genuinely clingy like many asians and latinas - or both.

As to Bali being expensive, it's a short inexpensive flight from Jakarta and probably the same price range, if not a bit cheaper in most areas.

[Duke Castile]

You better bang this chick.

[Timoteo]

I know that traveling with a new guy they like is a bonding thing for women. They generally don't want to do it with a guy they don't have strong feelings for. But as Soma noted, that first trip together (namely, a trip that involves getting on a plane and going somewhere) shouldn't occur until you're settled into your relationship. That trip can either take you deeper and make you stronger, or it can reveal some uncomfortable truths about your lady love. For couples that have been together for a long time, and the sex has gotten stale, changing the environment can sometimes freshen things up.

[Soma]

Final update.

(06-29-2012 11:31 AM)Fisto Wrote:  

You better bang this chick.

Smashed her rawdog multiple times on 3rd date. Would have been date 2 if she wasn't on the rag (verified).

(06-25-2012 10:05 AM)johnwu Wrote:  

Once you have an Indonesian girl hooked, there isn't anything she won't do for you, she'd be buying YOU luxury items instead of the other way around.

Been out with her a few more times and she adamantly refuses to let me pay for anything at all.