[Farmageddon]

Every woman needs a 'gaggle' of men

http://thechart.blogs.cnn.com/2012/06/14.../#comments

If you’re a single woman and you’re looking for love, forget about “The Rules” and stop worrying that “He’s just not that into you.”

That was then, this is now - it’s a post-dating world you’re living in, and that means you have to shed your one-to-one mind-set and start thinking in terms of one to many.

In other words? Stop searching for Mr. Right and look around at all the Mr Right(s).

That’s the premise of "The Gaggle," a new book from Jessica Massa, who, along with Rebecca Wiegand, runs the website “WTF Is Up With My Love Life?!”

According to Massa and Wiegand, every woman - single or not - should have her own gaggle, a group of guys that occupy different roles in her life.

“You probably have a gaggle of friends, who all play different roles and fulfill different needs for you,” explains Massa. “You might call one friend to go shopping versus another friend when you’re upset versus another friend when you need a serious professional opinion. Your romantic gaggle is just another piece of the much larger, long-term puzzle of how you structure the relationships in your life to feel full, happy and loved.”

The men in this gaggle can include anyone from the barista you flirt with, to the ex-boyfriend you Skype, to the work buddy you commiserate with over lunch. Whether you end up dating one or more of them is just an added bonus.

“As a woman, having a gaggle provides you with a love life full of possibility: you have many men in your life, in many ambiguous but enriching ways, who are all teaching you about yourself and your needs and desires and leading you closer to the guy and relationship you want,” say Massa and Wiegand.

Terri Trespicio, a New York-based dating and relationship coach who is single herself, exuberantly extols the “uncoupled state” and takes things a step further: If you’re happily single but enjoy dating, she recommends seeing three different men regularly.

“When you date just one guy, you might feel pressured to commit, even if you’re not ready,” she says. “If you see two men, there’s often this unspoken need to choose between them. But three guys tend to balance each other out, like a tripod.”

Like the “Gaggle," these three men can fulfill different needs - maybe you like to see movies with one, travel with another and cuddle with a third - which removes the burden of one man to fill all those slots.

“This can also help you worry less about whether or not someone is your ‘match’,” says Trespicio, “and shifts your focus to the sheer joy of connecting with other people.”

Nor does being single have to equal celibate. Your gaggle may well include ex-boyfriends, hot sex prospects, and perhaps even a cuddle-guy. It’s your love-life, so do it your way. As long as you’re open and honest with your dates - and practice safe sex - there’s no reason why you can’t be intimate with more than one person.

Just as different people can serve different roles outside of bed, so too, can they satisfy different needs between the sheets. In their groundbreaking book, "The Ethical Slut," Dossie Easton and Janet Hardy describe the ways in which single women (and men) can juggle multiple sexual partners and enjoy intimacy safely and “ethically."

Marriage is wonderful for many, but it’s not the right choice for everyone. Whether you’re sexually intimate with more than one person or simply enjoying a variety of friendships and dates, one doesn’t have to be the loneliest number.

Say Massa and Wiegand: “We are living in a post-dating world because traditional dating is no longer the most common path that people are following to romantically connect and fall in love. And the more that women judge themselves and their relationships by traditional dating standards that no longer exist, the more they are going to feel an unnecessary despair and confusion and hold themselves back from finding love in this new romantic landscape.”

So go forth and gaggle!

[Farmageddon]

And as a Roissy-esque thought experiment, I asked in the comments if this article would have been published had the gender roles been reversed. How many of you think it would have made it past the editors if the article would have been:

Every man needs a 'gaggle' of women

If you’re a single man and you’re looking for love, forget about “The Rules” and stop worrying that “She’s just not that into you.”

That was then, this is now - it’s a post-dating world you’re living in, and that means you have to shed your one-to-one mind-set and start thinking in terms of one to many.

In other words? Stop searching for Ms. Right and look around at all the Ms. Right(s).

That’s the premise of "The Gaggle," a new book from Jessica Massa, who, along with Rebecca Wiegand, runs the website “WTF Is Up With My Love Life?!”

According to Massa and Wiegand, every man - single or not - should have his own gaggle, a group of girls that occupy different roles in his life.

“You probably have a gaggle of friends, who all play different roles and fulfill different needs for you,” explains Massa. “You might call one friend to go shopping versus another friend when you’re upset versus another friend when you need a serious professional opinion. Your romantic gaggle is just another piece of the much larger, long-term puzzle of how you structure the relationships in your life to feel full, happy and loved.”

The women in this gaggle can include anyone from the barista you flirt with, to the ex-girlfriend you Skype, to the work buddy you commiserate with over lunch. Whether you end up dating one or more of them is just an added bonus.

“As a man, having a gaggle provides you with a love life full of possibility: you have many women in your life, in many ambiguous but enriching ways, who are all teaching you about yourself and your needs and desires and leading you closer to the girl and relationship you want,” say Massa and Wiegand.

Terri Trespicio, a New York-based dating and relationship coach who is single herself, exuberantly extols the “uncoupled state” and takes things a step further: If you’re happily single but enjoy dating, she recommends seeing three different women regularly.

“When you date just one girl, you might feel pressured to commit, even if you’re not ready,” she says. “If you see two women, there’s often this unspoken need to choose between them. But three girls tend to balance each other out, like a tripod.”

Like the “Gaggle," these three women can fulfill different needs - maybe you like to see movies with one, travel with another and cuddle with a third - which removes the burden of one woman to fill all those slots.

“This can also help you worry less about whether or not someone is your ‘match’,” says Trespicio, “and shifts your focus to the sheer joy of connecting with other people.”

Nor does being single have to equal celibate. Your gaggle may well include ex-girlfriends, hot sex prospects, and perhaps even a cuddle-girl. It’s your love-life, so do it your way. As long as you’re open and honest with your dates - and practice safe sex - there’s no reason why you can’t be intimate with more than one person.

Just as different people can serve different roles outside of bed, so too, can they satisfy different needs between the sheets. In their groundbreaking book, "The Ethical Slut," Dossie Easton and Janet Hardy describe the ways in which single men (and women) can juggle multiple sexual partners and enjoy intimacy safely and “ethically."
Marriage is wonderful for many, but it’s not the right choice for everyone. Whether you’re sexually intimate with more than one person or simply enjoying a variety of friendships and dates, one doesn’t have to be the loneliest number.

Say Massa and Wiegand: “We are living in a post-dating world because traditional dating is no longer the most common path that people are following to romantically connect and fall in love. And the more that men judge themselves and their relationships by traditional dating standards that no longer exist, the more they are going to feel an unnecessary despair and confusion and hold themselves back from finding love in this new romantic landscape.”

So go forth and gaggle!

[Caligula]

Haha Farmageddon that's brilliant.

Preach: “When you date just one girl, you might feel pressured to commit, even if you’re not ready,” she says. “If you see two women, there’s often this unspoken need to choose between them. But three girls tend to balance each other out, like a tripod.”

[seingalt]

These chicks' website's even better... it tells girls to classify 'guys' into categories like 'ego booster', 'accessory', 'career booster', 'hot sex prospect' etc. It also gives advice on how to string men along within the desired category, and tells the men that they ought to hang in there and hope they get transferred to where they want to be!

Obviously this is just the kind of shit that girls have been doing for years now, but seeing it presented so baldly as a kind of updated The Rules is still a bit of a surprise. If this goes mainstream surely all the Ego Boosters and Accessories are going to start waking up?

[Veloce]

Oh brave new world that has such people in it...

[DonovanVC]

cnn has established itself as a channel for gays (don lemon, anderson cooper) and women.

i would smash natasha curry though.

[Menace]

This kind of thing is easy to get upset about, but the bottom line is that it doesn't really matter what these girls do. As long as you are 1) banging her on 2) your terms, what does it matter that she has beta orbiters around her. Game teaches us to be aware and evaluate the situation, and if she wants to slot us in a role that we do not want, WE next her. She's free to find a chump to fill it, but it ain't gonna be us. Honestly, these are just silly girl schemes.

[el mechanico]

I've been doing this my entire adult life but there's one difference between what they can do and we can. Girls are better about keeping their orbiters in orbit. You try to put a chick in orbit that really likes you and you're going to have a stage 10 stalker on your hands. I'm juggling but these deals explode about one a week. They're just not having it

[Veloce]

(06-14-2012 12:58 PM)el mechanico Wrote:  

I've been doing this my entire adult life but there's one difference between what they can do and we can. Girls are better about keeping their orbiters in orbit. You try to put a chick in orbit that really likes you and you're going to have a stage 10 stalker on your hands. I'm juggling but these deals explode about one a week. They're just not having it

Agree. They reach the critical mass stage much sooner. I've gotten the "Either we're exclusive or nothing" talk a total of 3 times before there's a hardcore meltdown.

Also, on a random note, the worst stalkers I've ever had are girls that I had a makeout session with and then dropped, no bang.

[Timoteo]

Yeah...this comes across as a scheme for friendzoning, and getting free meals on "dates" with multiple men. Getting the "boyfriend experience" without the responsibilities that go along with it. I question how many chicks can really fuck multiple sex partners regulary without feeling like THEY'RE the ones getting used. Most feel like men are somehow getting more out of sex, like they're doing US the favor, giving US a great gift. There are some nuggets of sound advice buried in that piece in theory, but most women can't really execute.

[el mechanico]

(06-14-2012 01:12 PM)thedude3737 Wrote:  

(06-14-2012 12:58 PM)el mechanico Wrote:  

I've been doing this my entire adult life but there's one difference between what they can do and we can. Girls are better about keeping their orbiters in orbit. You try to put a chick in orbit that really likes you and you're going to have a stage 10 stalker on your hands. I'm juggling but these deals explode about one a week. They're just not having it

Agree. They reach the critical mass stage much sooner. I've gotten the "Either we're exclusive or nothing" talk a total of 3 times before there's a hardcore meltdown.

Also, on a random note, the worst stalkers I've ever had are girls that I had a makeout session with and then dropped, no bang.

I'm going to say another thing here. It used to be that girls were afraid of STDs so if they knew you're sleeping with other girls they would freak about that. They no longer really care.

[Timoteo]

(06-14-2012 01:41 PM)el mechanico Wrote:  

(06-14-2012 01:12 PM)thedude3737 Wrote:  

(06-14-2012 12:58 PM)el mechanico Wrote:  

I've been doing this my entire adult life but there's one difference between what they can do and we can. Girls are better about keeping their orbiters in orbit. You try to put a chick in orbit that really likes you and you're going to have a stage 10 stalker on your hands. I'm juggling but these deals explode about one a week. They're just not having it

Agree. They reach the critical mass stage much sooner. I've gotten the "Either we're exclusive or nothing" talk a total of 3 times before there's a hardcore meltdown.

Also, on a random note, the worst stalkers I've ever had are girls that I had a makeout session with and then dropped, no bang.

I'm going to say another thing here. It used to be that girls were afraid of STDs so if they knew you're sleeping with other girls they would freak about that. They no longer really care.

I don't know exactly when this started to change, but since I've been coming to this forum, I've been shocked at the tales of raw-dogging, and females' willingness to allow men to do it. Even when they know you're a "player," they'll let you blast away in them and on them.

[Basil Ransom]

(06-14-2012 01:37 PM)Timoteo Wrote:  

Yeah...this comes across as a scheme for friendzoning, and getting free meals on "dates" with multiple men. Getting the "boyfriend experience" without the responsibilities that go along with it. I question how many chicks can really fuck multiple sex partners regulary without feeling like THEY'RE the ones getting used. Most feel like men are somehow getting more out of sex, like they're doing US the favor, giving US a great gift. There are some nuggets of sound advice buried in that piece in theory, but most women can't really execute.

This has been true in my experience as well - few girls want multiple concurrent cocks. But no sexual strategy is off-limits, especially with the right social conditioning aka 'empowerment' message. The girl who won't bang multiple guys concurrently today is the girl who wouldn't bang anyone but her boyfriend 40 years ago, and only her fiance 60 years ago. There's no limit to how slutty girls will get when pop culture is leading the charge.

[SVK]

Wow, just wow. I was getting soft lately since I'm in a somewhat exclusive LTR with a truly decent girl (she's not American of course), but articles like this wakes me the fuck right up. Also I felt bad for a girl after a P&D before, and so on...well, no more my friends. If this is a legitimate dating advice for girls from a (somewhat) respectable source (CNN), this definitely legitimizes our womanizing ways. Or I would say it is the only logical strategy, kind of a default behavior that is guaranteed to yield good results with high degree of probability. In the 50s and before the default strategy might have been getting a good career, nice house and a good, feminine, attractive wife would be almost guaranteed. Good luck with that these days. Yes, there are decent women out there, but it's like finding a needle in a haystack, in the USA at least. It's a fucking war out there, if you don't play them, they will play you. So pick your role and slay on!

If you get over the absurdity of such 'advice', this is nothing but good news for us. I'll gladly play the role of "hot sex prospect" in a hot girl's "gaggle" while she has a has flock of beta orbiters to fill in her compliment & cuddle and provider roles.

[Screwston]

Do y'all think it would of been hard to be a player in the 50's?

[46.]

Holy s---! That link is gold. I've never seen the female mindset laid out so clear. And graphically. And Holy s---, SVK is right that a "legit" org like CNN is disseminating it! Amazing- if there's any evidence needed that times they are a changin', this is it. I mean, the links spell out perfectly the need for love, which women have always had, but now... just as important, exorbitant amounts of attention, a newer phenomenon.

I actually learned something about myself- that "Accessory" category was interesting, like a cooler version of the friendzone.
"You feel cooler just knowing this guy, but for some reason, the buck stops there." http://wtfisupwithmylovelife.com/
Basically, this explains all the times I've been invited out as a cool, well-dressed black guy (diversity!) and came up empty-handed.

What a great snapshot into the female brain. I can't wait to pull my phone out in a bar and show some poor delusional bastard EXACTLY where he stands with a gal, what box he's in. These women are devious...

(ex: Career Booster: professional contact who makes your work or school day a bit easier. He offers access to power, resources, inside information, and an expanded network—or just helps you fix the copy machine in exchange for a little extra attention)

....so take this info and flip it to the darkside like Annikin Skywalker.

[speakeasy]

(06-14-2012 05:05 PM)46. Wrote:  

I've never seen the female mindset laid out so clear.

You guys realize the article was written by a DUDE, right?

[seingalt]

(06-14-2012 06:01 PM)speakeasy Wrote:  

(06-14-2012 05:05 PM)46. Wrote:  

I've never seen the female mindset laid out so clear.

You guys realize the article was written by a DUDE, right?

The article's about this site wtfisupwithmylovelife.com though, which is written by a couple of chicks. It's really worth a read. What jumps out at me is how drunk these girls are on their own sexual power. There's nothing along any moral lines about what they should do with their sexuality, or really that much practical advice about how to use it to get what they want – they don't need it. It's basically justification for girls' manipulating men for whatever ends they're deemed most suitable for.

Of course we all can and do adapt to this, but it kind of reinforces that in the end the hot young women are the ones holding the cards.

[Basil Ransom]

Libido + American Woman = Hate Sex

HAHAHAHA, Indian girl complains about dude noticing her facial hair (just like every other Indian girl), in the site seingalt linked. Link. God, the writing on that site is so terrible I can't get through more than one paragraph. It's basically like hearing a 19 year old bimbo talk, minus the prospect of sex.


This comment on CNN hit it:

Quote:

This article is emblematic of the "Sex and the City" mentality that has swept the Western world. It dictates that everything, and everyone, is a mere commodity to be consumed by so-called enlightened women. As soon as something or someone presents the slightest bit of inconvenience [to the woman] it must be discarded immediately for something better. When women are inevitably unfulfilled after following these tenets then men are the ones to blame.

[YoungGunner]

(06-14-2012 07:51 PM)basilransom Wrote:  

Libido + American Woman = Hate Sex

THIS

[46.]

Also interesting is even "Beta" dudes are recoiling at this, being punked out on CNN. Good News for Roosh's book sales:

CNN Comment:
"I think that's why many men find this article sad and distressing.

There's a "if you can't beat them, join them" spirit that underlies this entire article and, as a "nice guy" it makes me want to vomit. women are attracted to "bad boys", or whatever you want to call them, and now feel like, to be on the same level as them, they need to behave as they do. So that means 3/4 of the population of men now have to contend with idiot women telling other women to behave abhorrently to compete wtih 1/4 of the men of the world who are disgusting.

If this woman with the "gaggle" is affiliated with a man who doesn't care for her in the way she wants, she will be hurt. But is it even fair for her to be hurt when she's dispensing her affections over mutliple men?

And once she's spread her affections over tons of men, is there EVER going to be one man who would EVER "fufill" her contantly expanding needs?

This whole thing is just disgusting."

But on another level, this logic is so narcissistic and extreme that I kind of love the women on that site, in a game knows game sense. These mindbogglingly selfish women are not only running straight up game on hundreds of hapless dudes, but they're they're status-raising and attention-whoring on a world-class level.
Check it out:
"This weekend, I’m hanging in Newport, RI with my dad, a man who loves me almost as much as he loves sailing.

As a kid, I had hardly learned the difference between the jib sheet and the halyard before ponies and American Girls dolls monopolized my attention.

A girlfriend who used to sail competitively came with me up to Newport for the weekend and watching her rock out, even on the little boat we rented, was a sight to behold."

[Hades]

This sort of bullshit advice really pisses me off.
I hope they get marginalized and ignored once they hit 30 and all the drinks dudes bought them, smokes dudes bummed them, late-night movies dudes paid for, and missing the gym to tool dudes catches up with them. What a bunch of odd friend-zoning whores.

[JTv1]

Sounds like an easy excuse for sluts to feel good about being sluts.

[Kitsune]

blah blah blah women are the centre of the world blah blah blah.

I think dating advice could actually be unisex if it were honest;

Having trouble in your love life? Chances are, you're boring, not as attractive as you think, your attitude is terrible and you need to lower your standards.

[Farmageddon]

Even though I didn't get a hat tip, I feel honored Roissy/Heartiste did a play on my post. From the most recent Heartiste blog:

http://heartiste.wordpress.com/2012/06/2...-of-women/

Every Man Needs A Harem Of Women

June 20, 2012 by Heartiste

Readers, Chateau Heartiste has gone mainstream! Check out my first submission to CNN’s blog, where I review a new book by two “relationship sexperts” who advise men seeking love to expand their pool of dating prospects by cultivating multiple concurrent sexual relationships with as many women as time and energy allow.

***

Every man needs a ‘harem’ of women.

If you’re a single man and you’re looking for love, forget about “The Ring” and stop worrying that “She just sees me as a friend.”

That was then, this is now – it’s a post-dating world you’re living in, and that means you have to shed your one-to-one mind-set and start thinking in terms of one to many.

In other words? Stop searching for Ms. Right and look around at all the Ms. Right(s).

That’s the premise of “The Harem,” a new book from Lord Cockenawe, who, along with Donald Juanholio, runs the website “WTF Is Up With My Love Life?!”

According to Cockenawe and Juanholio, every man – single or not – should have his own harem, a group of girls that occupy different roles in his life.

“You probably have a ‘harem’ of friends, who all play different roles and fulfill different needs for you,” explains Cockenawe. “You might call one friend to go gun shopping versus another friend when you’re playing first person shooters online versus another friend when you need a serious drinking buddy. Your romantic harem is just another piece of the much larger, long-term puzzle of how you structure the relationships in your life to feel full, happy and loved.”

The women in this harem can include anyone from the waitress you flirt with, to the ex-girlfriend you Skype, to the picturesque HR coworker you commiserate with over lunch. Whether you end up dating one or more of them is just an added bonus.

“As a man, having a harem provides you with a love life full of possibility: you have many women in your life, in many ambiguous but sexually enriching ways, who are all teaching you about yourself and your needs and desires and leading you closer to the girl and relationship you want,” say Cockenawe and Juanholio.

Terry Trespassio, a New York-based dating and relationship coach who is single himself, exuberantly extols the “uncoupled state” and takes things a step further: If you’re happily single but enjoy dating, he recommends seeing three different women regularly.

“When you date just one girl, you might feel pressured to commit, even if you’re not ready,” he says. “If you see two women, there’s often this unspoken need to choose between them. But three girls tend to balance each other out, like a tripod. There’s really no downside to female variety!”

Like the “Harem,” these three women can fulfill different needs – maybe you like to have dirty sex with one, public sex with another and intimate lovemaking with a third – which removes the burden of one woman to fill all those slots.

“This can also help you worry less about whether or not someone is your ‘match’,” says Trespassio, “and shifts your focus to the sheer joy of connecting with other young, slender, height-weight proportionate pretty women of all sizes and ages.”

Nor does being single have to equal celibate. Your harem may well include ex-girlfriends, hot sex prospects, and perhaps even a casual f*ckbuddy. It’s your love-life, so do it your way. As long as you’re open and honest with your dates when pressed on the matter – and practice safe sex until you’re assured she’s not lying about being on the pill – there’s no reason why you can’t be intimate with more than one person.

Just as different people can serve different roles outside of bed, so too can they satisfy different needs between the sheets. In their groundbreaking book, “The Ethical Player,” Dossier Everlong and Jamdhin Hardy describe the ways in which single men (and women) can juggle multiple sexual partners and enjoy intimacy safely and “ethically.”

Marriage is wonderful for many, but it’s not the right choice for everyone, particularly men, who must bear the brunt of sacrifice when deciding to accede to marital monogamy and forego all other lovers. Whether you’re sexually intimate with more than one person or simply enjoying a variety of friendships and dates, one doesn’t have to be the loneliest number.

Say Cockenawe and Juanholio: “We are living in a post-dating world because traditional dating is no longer the most common path that people are following to romantically connect and fall in love. And the more that men judge themselves and their relationships by traditional dating standards that no longer exist, the more they are going to feel an unnecessary despair and confusion and hold themselves back from finding multiple outlets of exciting love in this new romantic landscape.”

So go forth and harem build!

***

Isn’t it great how the mainstream is beginning to accept with open mind the teachings of players and sexually satisfied men? This could be the dawn of a golden era when all harem master penises are served, and all concubines satisfied. A revolution in romance!