Quote: (11-07-2013 07:31 PM)Nascimento Wrote:
Often times I get shoulder checked at the club (maybe once a night) and although my typical response is instant anger
Not to call you out too much, but why is this your first instinct? Do you feel like you have something to prove?
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and maybe consider reacting against it,
This is also interesting.
I'm a pretty good fighter, yet it does not occur to me to be instantly angry or jump to action when some guy bumps into me into a bar - okay, maybe that's exaggerating as I'm sure I've been irritable before, but my typical reaction is for an immediate friendly apology to pop right out of my mouth. I don't even stop to think about it.
Of course, I do read his eyes too (after the apology, I don't wait) and if it turns out it was intentional and he wants to continue with it, well hey, we can go there, but I give every opportunity for the guy to back out of it and be civil even if it is that way.
Hell, I've even bought guys drinks on multiple occasions as an "apology" over stupid shit in bars, even though I knew without a doubt I could kick the living shit out of them.
In some cases I've still ended up kicking their asses later on because people do mistake kindness for weakness, but I guess that's life.
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it's also very common that the guy instantly apologizes and I just say it's cool and give him a shake.
If the guys are instantly apologizing, I don't think it's a shoulder check - I think it's two shoulders colliding in a bar.
I'm one of those guys who always has people at bars punking him and/or challenging him, often by people it turned out had no business starting shit with me in the first place. People who know me always shake their heads when they see how people fuck with me because I'm literally one of the most open, friendliest guys you'll ever meet.
Reading your post, I find myself wondering if the reason people fuck with me is not because they want a challenge but maybe because they're going through the same process as you and feel they're at a stage in their life where they need to "man up." I say this because often you'll bump into guys who won't be reasonable and let shit go even if it's easy to do so, as if they are playing a game they don't understand and think walking away means some kind of defeat.
It's really frustrating when you have to deal with guys like this all the time. My sincere advice - if you feel you need to test yourself and gain some courage, go to an MMA gym for your lumps and slow your roll. Save the brawling for when it matters, and be careful about accidentally starting something with someone who knows what they're doing just because you misread the situation from the get-go.
Aside from legitimate predators, even most tough guys don't really feel like fighting every random guy they encounter. Give them the benefit of the doubt, I say. At least with your instinctual reaction. Based on my experience, it's often the guys with something to prove that spoil the fun.
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This is probably the first time I've deliberately checked someone. Or maybe it was him? Not sure maybe he was expecting that I move just like I expected him. But then again I wasn't really paying attention I didn't even notice the guy until we touched shoulders.
I don't think this should be something you are confused about. A shoulder check is
intentionally bumping shoulders with someone because you feel like they should move before you do (for whatever reason). You either do it deliberately or you don't.
There's not a lot of middle ground there. Might be hard to remember what exactly went through your head, but it's definitely something you ought to think about if you're coming close to getting in fights over the issue.
I'm not saying the specific situation you mentioned had you in the wrong or that you should cower from every guy you meet, but as MikeCF said, there's a time and place for everything.
Beyond All Seas
"The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe.
To be your own man is a hard business. If you try it, you'll be lonely often, and sometimes
frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself." - Kipling