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Irrational self confidence -I'm confused
06-13-2012, 03:12 PM
I think Mystery said "confidence comes from competence".
The idea is that you cannot fake competence or make it appear by wishing for it. (Although I suppose some types of hypnosis or positive affirmations or drugs could create that feeling for a certain amount of time.)
So if it's confidence in approaching strange women that you want, the only way would be to actually do it. For starters, you can just ask for directions and leave, or tell her a nice compliment and leave, etc. And in this fashion slowly, step by step, increase your confidence.
I like the part in the book "way of the superior man" where the author says that every man has an "edge" or limit of his confidence, where the fear sets in. And that as a man one should everyday step just slightly over that limit, acknowledging the fear, to push it further back. (I like to also reframe that fear as excitement.)
Other things that affect your confidence include how you live your life. Are you happy (or skilled at) your job, are you knowledgable in certain things, do you go to the gym (gym makes you feel more confident, maybe because it improves your posture and puts some good hormones in your blood) and so forth.
I think with practice you will come to the point where you are 100% certain that you will be fine, regardless of what happens in a social situation. Even if you push the envelope and say some outrageous things for example. And you will have no problem meeting new people.
And I think that's when the "irrational self-confidence" occurs. At least as observed by others, because they never expanded their comfort zones. In reality it's perfectly rational.
Think about skydiving. To outsiders a skydiver might seem to have irrationally big balls. But he knows that he will be fine. Because the odds of an accident are very very small. Because he checked his gear. Because he did similar jumps dozens or hundred times before.
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Irrational self confidence -I'm confused
06-13-2012, 04:20 PM
I think what that concept really means is that you should have confidence in your self that through your intelligence, hardwork and perseverance you can achieve whatever you are trying to. Ofcourse, there are going to be many failures and lessons along they way, but ultimately you have to believe that eventually you will succeed.
It is obvious that if I'm trying to learn, say, swimming, it is foolish to "fake" confidence that I will be a world-class swimmer overnight. But rather, one should be confident and determined that, I know that through my hardwork and dedication, nothing can stop me from becoming the world's best.
Game is a necessary evil
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Irrational self confidence -I'm confused
06-13-2012, 06:27 PM
Confidence is an emotional state. It's a feeling. Logic has little to do with it.
Did you know that if you simply sit up straight and walk with a good posture then you'll feel more confident?
That is true. (Google the science.) That's also not logical.
Did you know that if you move your lips into a smile position, then you'll start to feel happy?
That is true. (Google the science.) That's also not logical.
Did you know that if you tell yourself you're a loser who is unworthy of confidence, then you'll feel like shit - and will fulfill that prophecy you foretold about yourself?
That is true. (Google the science.) That's also not logical.
You are going to become whoever you give yourself permission to become.
When you understand that sentence - not in a logical, Western way, but when you feel it in your soul - then everything will make sense.
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Irrational self confidence -I'm confused
06-13-2012, 07:12 PM
Confidence must be earned...there are no short cuts. A lot of how to get there is already covered in the thread. Only thing I'll add is to suggest boosting your T-levels with anything and everything possible. Heavy lifting 3x+ a week, ACV, cold showers, cup of cruciferous per day, etc, etc. If you take care of these things you can expect more control the the other elements (aka eliminating avoidance, succeeding, etc).