[darkhorse]

Hey guys,

So I've been diligently studying Bang, Day Bang and other PUA material and found that my skills have improved *somewhat* with approach and attraction. However, my major sticking point now seems to be post-bang.

Here's the story: Successfully gamed this girl I quite like and ended up in the sack together a few nights ago. Admittedly it was drunk and crappy sex. I let her come but stopped after. I was just so drunk that I couldn't be bothered haha. Anyway in my drunken idiocy, I was super clingy and cuddly. I even complained when she wanted to leave in the morning. I know, I know - I basically did everything wrong. Put her on a pedestal and everything....

There were ridiculous IOIs and kino before the bang. (In fact she initiated the bang.) But definitely coldness after. I spoke to her today and tried to re-frame it going "we were drunk and I'm sure we're both embarrassed about what happened" and I offered that we should go on a date. She said that she didn't want a relationship at the moment. But she did say that she was sorry that I regretted it but that she didn't. I replied that I didn't regret it, just that I wished we weren't so drunk and I kinda left it at "give me a call sometime if you wanna hang".

As I'm writing all this, it seems pretty obvious I've fucked it right? Any way I can salvage the situation? Or do you think she's freaked out? Should I just move on to other women? Seems like such a waste.

[dk902]

Quote:

"we were drunk and I'm sure we're both embarrassed about what happened"

Never apologise for being a sexual man and desiring a woman.

If she has framed it like that she probably got turned off by you being too beta and I wouldn't think you can salvage it too much.

Treat it as a learning experience. Sometimes if your new and/or haven't been laid in a while needy behaviour can creep out. Don't beat yourself up too much about it, just let it go.

Also don't listen to people calling you out by saying you've got 'one-itis' or some other bullshit like that. If you're only starting out you will have those kind of feelings, those will pass as you become more successful with women. Be proud of one of your first successes and use it as a springboard to your (hopefully) many to come!

[Mujeriego]

Don't beat yourself up about it. You're admittedly new but you got the bang which is progress. I doubt you'll recover from your slip up but treat it as a learning experience. Play it cool with the next girl and kick her out preemptively (post bang) if you feel an onset of compliment and cuddle.

[Veloce]

Yeah, not to sound too harsh, but you basically did 100% the opposite of what you should have. It's okay though, because you can recognize it as such, and see where your programming is at and where you need to be.

As far as salvaging this chick, it's not likely but you'd be surprised with what you can salvage from fuckups. Wait a week and ask her to see a movie at your place.

Don't be ashamed of sex.
Don't thank a girl for sex. Don't show any gratitude toward her for anything.
You're a man. It's your show. Take what you want.

After I've fucked a girl I don't even mention it in any context. At MOST I'll make little sarcastic comments like, "That was a good movie the other night, too bad we missed the ending " Even shit like that is stretching it

[Gmac]

(05-10-2012 05:31 PM)darkhorse Wrote:  

Hey guys,

So I've been diligently studying Bang, Day Bang and other PUA material and found that my skills have improved *somewhat* with approach and attraction. However, my major sticking point now seems to be post-bang.

Here's the story: Successfully gamed this girl I quite like and ended up in the sack together a few nights ago. Admittedly it was drunk and crappy sex. I let her come but stopped after. I was just so drunk that I couldn't be bothered haha. Anyway in my drunken idiocy, I was super clingy and cuddly. I even complained when she wanted to leave in the morning. I know, I know - I basically did everything wrong. Put her on a pedestal and everything....

There were ridiculous IOIs and kino before the bang. (In fact she initiated the bang.) But definitely coldness after. I spoke to her today and tried to re-frame it going "we were drunk and I'm sure we're both embarrassed about what happened" and I offered that we should go on a date. She said that she didn't want a relationship at the moment. But she did say that she was sorry that I regretted it but that she didn't. I replied that I didn't regret it, just that I wished we weren't so drunk and I kinda left it at "give me a call sometime if you wanna hang".

As I'm writing all this, it seems pretty obvious I've fucked it right? Any way I can salvage the situation? Or do you think she's freaked out? Should I just move on to other women? Seems like such a waste.

You acted like a chick. Learn and move on.

[Tigre]

(05-10-2012 05:31 PM)darkhorse Wrote:  

"give me a call sometime if you wanna hang".

That phrase is way too passive.

It comes out sounding like a DLV. She contacts you if she feels like it and you'll be available.

Next time, try and frame it so you're taking the initiative and she can either agree or not.

[joehoya]

Back in my early days, I fucked up in the exact same way. I had discovered Speed Seduction/NLP (this was back in the late '90s) and had been practicing like a madman. I got some decent results and finally decided to use my skills on this chick that I had wanted to bang for 4 or 5 years.

I threw everything I had at her and she got hooked on me. After I finally banged her I completely bitched out and became super clingy. I stopped doing any of my NLP/SS stuff and was a total punk. That chick turned cold on me with a quickness. I fucked it up completely. I tried to recover but the damage was done. It was a good learning experience though. I never made that mistake again.

For me, the moral of the story is that the way you get a girl is the way you keep her. If you get a girl using tight game/alpha attitude, she will bounce if your game gets weak and you go beta. It is the same with money. If you get a girl because you have a bunch of cash, she will bail the moment you lose your money AND she does't think you will get it back soon.

[finton_the_toole]

Yeah, I think a lot of us make that mistake in the early days. I don't believe there's a chance of recovery from it. Move on.

[darkhorse]

Thanks for the tough love guys. Yeah, it's been a while since I got some action which was a problem. Working on cruise ships presents one very particular problem where it's slim pickings with hot girls - and they know it!
Also I think I've been too focused on "finding a girlfriend". Basically, I need to act like a man again haha.

On the bright side, I've got a date with another cute girl tonight.