[HiFlo]

As i've been improving I've noticed a trend with the last 2 girls I've been with: they all eventually say something to the effect of "i never felt so disrespected, leave me alone"

Honest to god, I really don't intend to make anyone feel disrespected and it really is kind of painful when I'm called that.

Verbally I think a lot of what I say is C&F but I like to think I add in a good measure of "you're special, unique, caring, etc" (which I happen to think of as true in their own unique ways)

The previous girl, on our first date I banged her in the backseat of my car. You know, I'm kind of aggressive - although when escalating I do the 2 steps back for 1 step forward thing - but they do say "no, stop" yet their body language belies something completely different. Anyway, this girl sent me a text a couple days later saying "i've never been so disrespected in my life."

The second girl, I've been seeing for about 5 bangs. The last bang she texted me to come over, so I do. Little do I know I'm walking into a drama den. Her best friend is there, and she had just found out she's pregnant with some latin gangster's baby, and gangster apparently told her to get lost and then was supposedly arrested. The girl I've been banging also has a small child, who kept starting to cry and then act like an annoying brat. Finally things settled down and I've just spending some time with my girl, talking to her.

Whenever I escalate, her child starts to cry again. I ended up getting pissed off. I didn't get visibly angry there but I told her, "there's too much drama going on I'm gonna go" On my ride home she sent me a couple of texts and tried calling, but I ignored them.

Today I call her (I know, I should have waited it out 3-4 days, but it was too hard to wait that long especially cause today was a very bad day at work & I wanted some affection), goes to voicemail, I leave a msg saying "I know ur upset, just wanted to talk about it with u." She immediately texts back "i've never been so disrespected in my life, leave me alone from now on."

As I was looking back at last night with her and the drama, I was actually impressed with how much of caring girl she was: she's a cool mom to her kid and is there for her best friend. I actually want to salvage this, I guess I'll wait 3-4 days and call her on Mon-Tuesday.

But regardless, wtf, I'm apparently the world's greatest disrespecter, but I don't know how I keep earning this title, and I don't want it to keep happening.

Is "disrespected" a secret code word for some sort of specific behavior, or what? Anyone have experience with this? Is mostly pertaining to being too rough physically during escalation or sex? Or is pertaining to attitude? I really have no idea.

PS - anyone have any tips on salvaging the last one? I know she's a single mom and a bit crazy, but she's a real cutie and just such a sweet & caring girl.

[FretDancer]

You are probably being to sexually aggressive in the relationship, you gotta learn how to balance things. (IS THAT BETA????)

[Walnuts]

How good are you in bed? no homo

i ask because it could be that you're not hitting it well enough. no offence. just a possibility. in my experience, when you can really make a girl cum, anything bad you do just becomes irrelevant. no matter how bad you fuck up, they'll take you back.

[iknowexactly]

"Man's primary love object is woman, woman's primary love object is her children" Freud.

You disrespected her child by making out in front of the child, then when the child protested (in the limited way it understands how to) you insulted the mother-child relationship by referring to it with the derogatory term "drama. "

She probably liked you sexually, but your total disregard for what's more important to her than you (her kid) blew you out.

[FretDancer]

(05-04-2012 07:46 PM)iknowexactly Wrote:  

"Man's primary love object is woman, woman's primary love object is her children" Freud.

You disrespected her child by making out in front of the child, then when the child protested (in the limited way it understands how to) you insulted the mother-child relationship by referring to it with the derogatory term "drama. "

She probably liked you sexually, but your total disregard for what's more important to her than you (her kid) blew you out.

Don't know if I really agree with this, wether true or not, sounds very interesting and might possibly be very true.

[BortimusPrime]

I'd say it's the single parent's job to get the kid out of the room and occupied with something else so that little Billy doesn't start screaming when he sees the sticky hugging.

Also, I write off a girl the instant I hear her use the word "respectful". It is a code, that the girl is one of those bitches that likes to start a fight over anything you say that can be taken in a negative light.

[Gmac]

If a girl feels disrespected (to an extent) you are doing it right. It's sad but that's the way it is in Western countries today. That's why c&f works so well, girls eat it up regardless of what they tell you about respect.

In your case though, you were probably out of line. A single mom is ALWAYS going to put her child ahead of you. This is why I don't date them.

[HiFlo]

I think the replies here are spot on: I am pretty sexually aggressive and I was selfish in demanding attention over her daughter. So this brings 2 new questions:

1) How do you be 'cool' sexually? Man, I just want to fuck when I'm with a pretty girl and am pretty forward physically about it. When the true "alphas" are with a fuck buddy, how do they act? hahaha Are they very cool & laid back about it, half pillow-talk/half physicallity, or are they aggressive? I don't know, man...

2) How do you date single moms? IMO being introduced to the child without warning on our 5th time hanging out was a little soon for me, but game is full of surprises. How do you balance "alone" time with the girl and then the fact that her child will be there sometimes too? Do you lay ground rules down with the girl addressing a balance?

The fact is in my neck of the woods there are a ton of young single moms, many of which are very attractive. It's not like NYC/LA/DC where girls don't have children till their 30s - here they have em when they're 19-20 and then a month or two later the "love of their life" leaves 'em. For this reason, I think for living where I live, handling the single mom situation is very important to rack up as many notches as possible.

[FretDancer]

(05-05-2012 01:47 PM)HiFlo Wrote:  

I think the replies here are spot on: I am pretty sexually aggressive and I was selfish in demanding attention over her daughter. So this brings 2 new questions:

1) How do you be 'cool' sexually? Man, I just want to fuck when I'm with a pretty girl and am pretty forward physically about it. When the true "alphas" are with a fuck buddy, how do they act? hahaha Are they very cool & laid back about it, half pillow-talk/half physicallity, or are they aggressive? I don't know, man...

If you are displaying too much desire for sex, it will show and will only make things harder. Its hard to balance this out when we are talking about fuck buddies, since this kind of relationship is just sexually based and nothing else, in theory.

Quote:

and I was selfish in demanding attention over her daughter

I think that pretty much sums it up. However you must display your desires to fuck in a cool laid back way, not like you are a horny teenager or a dude who just got out of the joint.

[Veloce]

Gmac got it. If you're getting this response it means you're doing something right. Don't let it get to you. Did this happen with just 2 girls? That's not really enough to qualify a "pattern" per se, but I do think it means you're on the right track.

Inevitably in game, there are elements that will make you extremely chauvinistic. These elements will separate you from the pack. This is a good thing.

[MidniteSpecial]

Its a shit test...don't even act like it phases you. Its your world she is just in it. If she doesn't like it peace her the fuk out.

[Timoteo]

In this particular context, "disrespected" means "I didn't get my way." You cavemanned the first chick. You pushed past her hamsterish ways and took what you wanted. No man had ever done that before. Afterwards, she was conflicted - you ignored her wishes to stop, yet she was oddly turned on by it. Disrespected was the only word she could think of to describe your behavior.

With chick #2, you did what I probably would have done. I perfectly understand your frustration, especially with the little crying cockblocker and other attendant drama that was going on at the moment. Fuck that madness. You were wise to bail. You're in it for your pleasure - not to bear witness to not only HER drama, but her girlfriend's also. If not wanting to put up with that is wrong and disrespectful, you don't want to be right.

[dulst]

If they end it over disrespect my guess is you over played "asshole game". Contrary to what many people say on this forum women want a lover AND a provider. The paradoxical challenge of keeping girls around is balancing those traits. Think loveable jerk with a small sensitive side.

[King Solomon]

"actually, it wasn't disrespect, I was just preoccupied and going through some shit of my own, but I wasn't ready to talk about it. Not sure how that works out to 'disrespect', but don't take it personally, I am just going through some stuff and sometimes I come off the wrong way and get misunderstood. If you can be understanding about that (hope so) then maybe we can squash being offended and take some time to sort it out. You are worth that, and so am I"



that shit will work.

[sylo]

^ a list of exactly what NOT to say

[King Solomon]

I know it might sound "beta" but the fact is that its a subtle neg at her for being a dumb inconsiderate too-easily-offended bitch when she should have been more compassionate and understanding. It ultimately says that she is the disrespectful one, with a built-in guilt trigger, which is really hard for girls not to respond to. (and a salted statement to make her curious- what shit is on the mind of the brooding alpha??? They gots to know)

If I was him I would just bail instead of trying to salvage, which might be more "alpha" anyway

But she is being a bitch and if you want back in, if you call her on it and also downplay whatever you did that was offensive, it will re-open the door to her being willing to re-engage. THEN you can play it any way you like.

There's a lot of ways to get the results you want.

In any case, all my shit is engineered for a result. I can manipulate girls all day long. Not like its hard. You might have a different style than me, but it doesn't make mine incorrect.

[HiFlo]

What I did, I said "I was selfish for putting myself before your child and you're best friends issues. I think your relationships show how caring u are and are very beautiful." I sent that in a text. Then called a couple hours later. She picked up and reiterated that for a couple minutes.

We finally got together for a little chat under sort of strange circumstances for 5 minutes. I told her she didn't put herself in my shoes walking into a complete surprise when I had just wanted to spend time alone with her instead that night. She said, "Yeah, I know I'm sorry." Then I blamed her for playing games on me but giving me mixed signals. She giggled - guilty as charged! hahaha

She sent me a booty call text last night, but I was asleep. We're having a 'real' non-fuck buddy date in a couple days.

I want to try to make this work for a couple reasons:
1) It will be my first time involved w/ a single mom. There are ton of beautiful single moms in my location and it will provide valuable experience on what to do next time.
2) It will provide good relationship experience that's not based on drinking/drugging. It's pretty doomed from the start, but I'd like to prolong this doom for as long as possible. hahaha

[King Solomon]

See? Single moms require a certain finesse. They can be a little skittish, but that just makes them fun to play with.

Good work, HiFlo.

Don't marry her.

[loverboyy]

You have to be more honest about your intentions. This does not mean you have to tell girls verbally "hey i just want you as a fuck buddy..ect" rather you need to harness this intent in your body language, eye contact and other subtle cues.

Women will make assumptions early on, so somehow you are exuding something that tells them you're gonna be around for a while and be romantic and that..

[Samseau]

(05-07-2012 03:36 PM)HiFlo Wrote:  

What I did, I said "I was selfish for putting myself before your child and you're best friends issues. I think your relationships show how caring u are and are very beautiful." I sent that in a text. Then called a couple hours later. She picked up and reiterated that for a couple minutes.

We finally got together for a little chat under sort of strange circumstances for 5 minutes. I told her she didn't put herself in my shoes walking into a complete surprise when I had just wanted to spend time alone with her instead that night. She said, "Yeah, I know I'm sorry." Then I blamed her for playing games on me but giving me mixed signals. She giggled - guilty as charged! hahaha

She sent me a booty call text last night, but I was asleep. We're having a 'real' non-fuck buddy date in a couple days.

I want to try to make this work for a couple reasons:
1) It will be my first time involved w/ a single mom. There are ton of beautiful single moms in my location and it will provide valuable experience on what to do next time.
2) It will provide good relationship experience that's not based on drinking/drugging. It's pretty doomed from the start, but I'd like to prolong this doom for as long as possible. hahaha

You gave in to her. She has more power in the relationship.


If I were you, I would have picked up as she was calling and told her "I came to see you, not deal with your child and drama from your friend. I can't believe how disrespectful you are."

[Tigre]

She handled it fine. Imagine the same story going down except with roles reversed.

If my best friend shows up unannounced needing help from me, I am going to open my doors to him and try to get it sorted out. I expect any gf of mine to be OK with that. Plans changed at short notice. What do you want me to do, tell him I've got stuff to do, and could he please leave now?

So, now let's say she decides to use that as fuel for drama and resentment. Stops answering my calls and goes into her shell, waiting for an apology from me. I will not be apologizing to her. She should understand it was something I had to do. Any girl who tried that move would immediately be branded a snarky, high maintenance bitch by this forum.

IMO it was a good option to leave, but you overplayed things by not answering her calls. An alternative is to answer the same night and say you wanted to head home, we'll do it another time.

If she sprung the kid on you as a surprise, maybe you could be disappointed about that. In future, book a single mom a day or two in advance and check that she can hand off the kid somewhere else for the night.

Next time she texts you to come over, you can check what the plan is. You don't have to be available if her kid is going to be there. Show you value your time by determining the logistics in advance.

Also, the way you played it her best friend ends up undermining you at every opportunity.