Quote: (10-27-2011 01:10 AM)joker Wrote:
If you're going out on a date with a girl, when should you pay?
The main rule here is that paying the bill shouldn't cause any awkwardness. This is why it is useful to check the expectations before the bill arrives, typically by throwing in some stories/past references. The culture varies by country:
In the US? You're paying by default (if the bill comes and she says nothing), but if she insists to pay, pass it to her. If she says let's split, say I'll pay this one, and you'll pay the next round. Splitting almost always feels awkward.
In Asia a man is typically expected to pay for everything on a date. But if you're with an older chick, she may pay for you. Never seen or heard about splitting there.
In Eastern Europe and Russia nowadays a lot of girls ask to split, and they mean it - there is a "the one who dines the girl fucks her" stigma, and she won't let you pay for her on the first date unless she's really sure you won't interpret as her "using" you in exchange for future sex. In this case you can revert the US rule - let her pay the whole tab, and you'll pick up the next tab.
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Should you absolutely not pay a dime until you've banged her?
No, this is just plain stupid. What you should do is do as you typically do. If you plan to invite a girl in a specific expensive venue for the first date, ask yourself whether you'd invite your male buddy to that venue. If the answer is yes, then there is no problem.
There is huge difference between someone who goes to an upscale lounge with his first date solely to impress her (and typically goes to dive bars), and someone who goes to an upscale lounge with his first date because that's what where always goes (and never goes to dive bars). The former one is overcompensating, and indicates your low value. The latter one is indicating high value.
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Also, how do you handle a hypothetical situation like:
Waiter: That'll be $23.75
You take the bill, reach for your wallet, get $25 or $30 cash, give it to waitress, say "no change". If the girl is silent during this process, that's all you do.
If she says, "let me handle that", pass her the bill. You can optionally say "No, I'll handle this one, and you'll pay the next round", and if she still insist, give it to her.