[Dr. Howard]

(05-24-2019 08:52 PM)Shifty Wrote:  

(05-24-2019 08:48 PM)MichaelWitcoff Wrote:  

As my old pastor once said, “there is no such thing as a one-night stand.”

Believe me when I say that if/when you give up the game lifestyle and do your best to follow Christ, every single memory you’ve created can and will be used against you by the Enemy’s attempts to keep you enslaved to lust.

Memory, imagination, and emotion are especially potent tools he uses and gathering a multitude of casual experiences just gives him a lot of ammo to work with.

In retrospect I’d say the one and only real benefit of living that life is that you learn to discern who a woman really is, which most men will never understand. Many go to their graves without ever knowing who their own wives are.

I find that a lot of the supporters of no premarital sex always use the complete opposite to compare it to.

But what about having sex only in multi year long relationships?
If you are young there can be a multitude of reasons why you are unable to get married, maybe you want to figure out your place in the world and for your brain to finish developing before bringing children into the world.

Who is it really hurting when you have sex in a loving, committed relationship?
The sexual urges are still there, it is our biological imperative to reproduce. It is better to deal with them in a healthy way as an expression of love with your girlfriend compared to watching pornography or other behaviour.

If you do not differentiate between players who go out to clubs and have sex with random girls every week and the guy in a loving relationship who has sex with his girlfriend he might plan to marry in the future then these people might start to wonder if they should even listen to you in the first place.

You present an interesting point. What you describe is very common of course. However, I think there is a risk with taking a 'bang on date #1 and take the rest of the relationship to get to know the girl' Those risks are:

1. You or her gets blinded to the sex. This is the classic 'you don't put your benis in crazy'. Many men, and many men on this forum have overlooked obvious lunatic women because they were great in bed. If you hadn't slept with a crazy girl yet, there is no way you would tolerate her behavior. The same goes for women...how long would a woman put up with bad boy chad that only texts her at 2am with 'come over' if she hasn't already been turned into a flesh pretzel by him?
2. It increases cheating and hurt in relationship failure. If you have the standard, and the woman has the standard of 'bang on date 1, then get to know the person'...what happens if your relationship starts to struggle or you find someone else you are interested in? If you are a woman, well you have too many drinks with this new person, you end up sleeping with them and now you are sleeping with two guys at once. That injury is much more severe than if she had not been intimate with either of them. That's how people get murdered and cucked.
3. Cuckold avoidance. This is a true story. A buddy of mine who was a no premarital sex guy was engaged to a secular girl. As the wedding was closing in she REALLY started putting the pressure on him to bang. He declined and she subsequently left one day while he was at work. He really felt bad about it and thought...would she have left if I just banged her? He literally has never seen/talked to her again. However, one of his buddies sees her at her workplace a few months later and she is really pregnant and the story unravels. This woman was cheating on her fiancee. She got pregnant and was trying to bang the fiancee so that she could claim the kid was his/make an excuse for being pregnant at the wedding. He didn't give in and so she had no option but to vanish. This man's standards saved him from a terrible deception.
   

Those are some risks about having early sex in even a secular long term relationship. However, the paradox still remains that it is very unlikely that you will ever end up in any kind of relationship with a secular girl without premarital sex in these modern times. Its a devil's bargain.