Quote: (12-04-2018 09:28 PM)CleanSlate Wrote:
I can't get on board with the term "wife hunting" because I think that puts you in the wrong frame of mind. Like the other posters said, it puts you in a place of desperation where you are the one seeking a relationship, not the other way around.
It's hard to explain the nuances and it does sound like we're here splitting hairs, but think about it for a minute. You could have the best checklist for a wife in the world, but you do realize that by actively seeking a relationship, you throw that checklist out the window. As soon as you get the bang, you start trying to fit a square peg into a round hole (no pun intended) precisely because you are in the frame of mind where you actively seek LTRs rather than qualifying girls for them. On a subconscious level, you start trying to "force" a relationship, even if you intellectually deny it. Needless to say, that can lead to a disaster. I've been there.
Instead, the right frame of mind is to be the qualifier. You have a woman whom you've been banging for a few weeks or a few months, or are spinning plates with a harem, but you aren't actively trying to get a girlfriend, at least not right away. Instead, you spend time with your women and get to know them, peel back the layers, and view them with a critical mind. Let the red flags reveal themselves and dump them when they do. Easier said than done, I know, but if you want a wife, you don't have time to waste with liars, cheats, sluts, and degenerates. You have to be cutthroat and ruthless in your qualifying.
So when you have a woman you've been with for 6-12 months, and no red flags have presented themselves, and you've already met her family on more than a few occasions... she seems to check all the boxes on your list, ONLY then perhaps you start thinking about a future with her.
To sum it up, you don't "hunt" or "search" for a wife. You find a wife through process of elimination.
^THIS.
Girls always seem to turn up when you're not signalling need (hence why you get hit on more when you're comfortably in a LTR)
Speaking with a mate and fellow player in mind, the situation gets even more nuanced and harder to balance when there are no deal-breakers but some "yellow flags" – ie. some uncertainty as her qualities as a wife/mother long-term. Then: Do you focus more on other plates / new leads or invest more time and resources in her in the hope a clearer path comes to light?
In my case it's more simple... I need to curb my addiction to banging tinder girls...