Quote: (11-15-2018 11:58 PM)Tiger Man Wrote:
I think this is, as with all general advice, a matter of what works for most.
Yes, there are guys who never want to settle down (whatever that means to them - maybe it's a wife and kids, maybe it's just a long-term girlfriend). But, I believe most men will want to settle down at some point. The statistics overwhelmingly back this assertion. Assuming that, the question becomes, how? What is the most effective strategy for, again, most men to employ to maximize their position in life?
If I have to put this in some kind of popcorn, bloggy speak (which I loathe but will do anyway), I would say that guys have seasons. And, it's like a sliding scale. A man's "player phase", if he has one, might last ten or fifteen years. And that phase might start at fifteen or it might start at twenty-five. But, eventually almost all men exit this phase of life. Many do it willingly. But, as OP warned, some guys get checked out of the game. There is a sort of male wall, and, despite all of our collagen and testosterone, we aren't completely immune to aging. Just look at how many threads there are on here talking about gaming as an older guy or gaming with big age differences. Most of the experienced guys on there will tell you that, at best, you can expect short-term fun in these situations. If you have exited or are exiting your player stage, that's bad news. It would be far better to make a soft landing with a solid girl that you locked down while you were still marketable.
There are, of course, guys who will game (or try to) until the day they die. But, my experience tells me that those men are rare. I would say they are roughly equivalent in number to the men who retire from the game and go monk. It's just not that common.
I think OP brings up some excellent points that are better considered when one is early in the game. At least that way you know where you want to go with this. Once you develop any sort of game proficiency, chasing women can become like a drug. And, like a drug, it can blind you to other areas of your life that require attention.
Very well said - agree with you on basically all of that
One extra thing I would note is that I don't necessarily think either lifestyle - relationship or single, is perfect, or a final solution.
I've met 1000's of girls in my life time (not a brag - more to illustrate sample size), and I'm yet to meet a girl that I think I could stay with or stay attracted to long term. They all have their faults - either they are beautiful/sexy/interesting and have a range of mental issues, or they are stable but relatively plain and not very interesting (that's generalising I know - but I'm yet to meet a girl that gives you the best of both worlds or at least can tie together the two ends of that scale in some way, shape or form).
I do think a lot of guys experience the same, but the desire to have kids and have a family wins out.
Relationships and marriage are a marathon too - a seemingly perfect relationship/marriage/family for the first 10 years can have underlying issues, and then there is a divorce and you are both in the 30-40 age range and single parents trying to get back into the dating scene.
With single life, even if you are financially secure and have freedom, it can get lonely and isolating at times, even with goals and things to do. It does cross your mind that you are missing out sometimes by not having a stable partner, family and kids in your life.
Having outlined both of those things - some guys have a family and kids and absolutely love it (the right girl comes to them at the right time in their life and it just works), and some guys enjoy the shit out of being a lone wolf, or having their finances and social life sorted and travelling without any commitments, or partners or families to worry about.
Life happens differently to different people and we are all dealt different cards.
You've (not you, but people in general) kind of got to stop looking at things as Path A and Path B, and try to play life as it comes at you while controlling the things you know you need to control.