[Leonard D Neubache]

(11-05-2018 10:14 PM)The Lizard of Oz Wrote:  

It's a fine idea but you don't need a year. Take a one month leave of absence from your job which I'm sure will be rapturously granted once you explain the purpose. Prepare the ground by asking family and friends in your old country to look for suitable girls, to whom you would be introduced ahead of time. Once you're there you should be able to narrow down your focus to a few candidates within the first two weeks, and make your choice by the end of the month. Then you invite her to visit you in the US to seal the deal.

A month should be plenty of time if you plan ahead -- and if you still fail to find a suitable candidate after a month, it is likely that you would fare no better in a year. Might as well make the whole process as efficient as possible and keep your career on track.

Let me explain what I love about this post, beyond merely how it relates to the OP.

The older you get the less you have the time/inclination to fuck around making everyone guess what it is you really want from them.

Most guys might put out uncommitted feelers at best. Their friends ask them "are you looking to settle down" and fearing they might be saddled with some plain-Jane the man shrugs his shoulders and says "maybe, it's a possibility".

Half of the respondents instantly rule out introducing him to the cute virgin in their choir group.

The friends ask "what are you looking for in a woman" and the man weakly responds "just someone... nice... you know?"

The respondents start picking out ugly girls, because pretty girls are for men with the balls to be a bit more specific, and lord knows if you're not going to lay out some standards then somebody has to be shackled to those hogs.

As the father to a somewhat shy teen boy one of the most difficult but worthwhile things I'm trying to instill in him is to have the balls to decide what you want and ask for it completely unapologetically.

You're asking, not demanding, and you can still be polite, but beating around the bush wastes your time and theirs. If you have the balls to ask, you will be surprised how often people go out of their way to give you what you want. There is something intrinsic about the will to power that makes followers (99% of the population) fall in line and do as they're told.

Go the local deli and look at the difference in the way women regard the men who order precisely without hesitation and the men who umm and ahh for minutes at a time. This mentality filters into all aspects of human relations and frankly if there was one principle I could go back and instill in my younger self it would be this.

Have the balls to decide what you want and ask for it completely unapologetically.