Quote: (11-04-2018 08:13 AM)PapayaTapper Wrote:
Sounds to me like this woman is using her gay friend as some sort of reverse dread game on OP. At 29 she's instilling dread into the relationship with 3rd party (unverifiable) statements about the relationship in order to get OP to commit further
Girl game recognized
To flip the script Id ignore all of her texts and or calls for 2 days. I mean completely go dark. That will adjust her attitude
PT, she did actually use dread game a lot in the past. In relation to this gay friend however I doubt this was a dread game play, she just told me he was about to visit. She does not see him as any kind of issue, I think to her this is just a very old friend. Whilst in the past I have cast a wary eye on this rather strange relationship, she and her best girlfriend seem to have some kind of special bond with this person and he lent her money before, until this point there have been no major disputes about him. I should also mention she told me that her best girlfriend would offer herself up as a joke to the gay guy saying 'if you're not married by 40 I would be available', so I can well imagine the 'fun' that goes on when those three meet.
I did go dark for two days. She then sent a text complaining 'Are we seriously going to fight every time', as if I had been the one who initiated the fight. To recap, she had told me that this gay friend was going to visit her, with her other friend, at her house. I then told her I did not like her meeting the guy, and calmly tried to explain my reasons, he had previously told her I was most likely difficult though he's never met me and some other things. To this she said I was talking bullshit repeatedly, and I then hung up on her. She followed up with an irate text calling me a bigot, insecure, possessive, etc and I again calmly explained my reasons why I don't like this guy.
So the argument was caused by her in my view. Anyway, fast forward and after two days of going dark, yesterday I got that text 'Are we seriously going to fight every time?'. My response was to calmly explain that she had escalated the argument, not me, and that she had blocked me on FB for her homosexual friend.
She replied that firstly she did not like me using the term 'homosexual', which I thought was very funny. Then she claimed I was talking nonsense again. She said she had not met with the GF but not because she decided not to, but he had not come, so I am guessing they met today. Anyway, I again explained why I do not like this guy, that her behavior in blocking me was unacceptable and that she effectively chose her friend over me by doing that.
She also said she could not be influenced by her friends, which I know is not true, and claimed she hardly talked to the GF much anyway.
I asked her who does she choose, me or the GF, she said she would always choose me, but I can not tell her to stop talking to her friend.
At this point, I made it clear to her that I want her to break off all contact with this person. She said I can not tell her to stop talking to her friends, that this guy was one of her few real friends, that it was not right to ask this, ridiculous. That if I wanted to control her life this was not going to happen.
I replied she can choose to be loyal to her friend or to me, it's her decision, but I was not going to tolerate a homosexual undermining our relationship.
She then said 'I do not have to choose', she would not allow me to try and control what friends she can talk to.
I told her she obviously chose this person over me, that was all I needed to know.
She replied 'I am not choosing anybody and I do not have to. Your choice if you have a problem about me talking to my friends, then you have a big problem'.
I replied 'I hope he's worth it. Have a nice life. If you change your mind to cut contact with GF let me know'.
She thanked me for everything and said she would not let me control her life, 'Take Care'.
She then blocked me in the middle of the FB conversation.
Then yesterday night she unblocked me but did not text. I suspect she will be in touch again.
The way I see it, if this friend is more important to her I want no part of this, so I will go dark indefinitely.
Should I have played this differently? To be honest I am more than disappointed that a 3 year rel would go down the drain because of something like this.