Quote: (11-06-2018 06:22 PM)jcardial Wrote:
Nightlife/Online dating:
Your conception of how picky women are is biased. You cite bars and online dating but they are disproportionately frequented by less desirable women (at least the ones open to meeting men). Since it is difficult and inherently higher risk to meet a quality guy in these places (reputations and intentions are much more nebulous than in a social circle), it is not at all a go-to method for the highest quality women.
Online and nightlife are far more convenient hunting grounds for men because the physical appearance of a woman is more or less sufficient for attraction and risk isn't nearly as much of an issue for men. It is well documented that women raise their standards quite a bit for a short term hookup where as men are almost universally willing to lower their standards quite a lot. It's no surprise since women expose themselves to pregnancy, possible violent abuse and bigger reputation damage. Of course the public meat market venues are mostly packed with thirsty men and end up lopsided in favor of the women.
The upper echelon of women:
A dismal meat market economy doesn't translate to women having insane standards in all contexts. The top 10-20% of women are regularly invited into social circles and private events where they are pursued by worthy male counterparts in much lower risk scenarios (e.g. introductions from trusted friends and colleagues). The same guy who an attractive woman openly talks to at one of these events might have gotten a bitchy rejection in a bar or a flake on Tinder because she was there just for the attention fill.
When you date an even moderately attractive girl you will notice she gets invited to more private parties than she can even go to. An 8+'s phone lights up like a Christmas tree 24/7 with invites from both men and women. She has very little need to risk mingling with total randoms and it likely takes a guy well above her level to justify the risk. If she does end up at a bar or club, it's usually to socialize with a group and not with the plan of meeting randoms (like it is for 99% of men). An average or slightly above average girl on the other hand is much more likely to get ignored at said parties if she gets invited at all. She is far more compelled to throw caution to the wind and hit the bar or online dating where better looking guys give her plenty of attention at least in the short term.
Social circle:
Even the few guys who are getting attractive women in nightlife are usually leveraging social circle to some degree. The best women care an order of magnitude more about who you know and what those people are saying about you than whether your body fat is 13% or 9%. Obviously being in good shape is an advantage but keep in mind that it is in fairly high supply for women since most young guys lift and keep their body fat in line. Being built like an ancient Greek statue is pretty useless in practice if you have limited or no access. The best access comes with the best social connections, which take time and skill to build.
The attractive women are hanging out somewhere, but if you come across as thirsty and a bit frustrated like the OP most cool guys aren't going to even consider inviting you to their parties. Why would they if you're going to take but not give anything in return? Become the guy who clearly brings something of value to the table, not the calculating and overly entitled guy focused on getting what he thinks he "deserves."
While some physical attraction is necessary for the best women, it's not nearly as much of a sufficient factor that it is for men. Humans evolved in social hierarchies and your social status is a huge factor regardless of how much you've self improved in a vacuum. The best women want to date the guy who is respected and desired by other high value people because it is hard evidence that he carries genes that are built for real world success. Indecisive by nature, women gladly outsource most of the decision regarding who they date to the social hierarchy. Online dating or bars thwarts this point of reference quite a bit unless you are rolling with a celebrity entourage or the biggest promoter in your city. A woman not being able to see a man's social circle is akin to a man not being able to see a woman's body.
Cliff notes: Bars and online dating are typically avoided or not taken seriously by the top women and have always been saturated with thirsty men looking for a convenient shortcut. If you're a top guy you will almost always be slumming it by default. Networking and leveraging social circle are the only tried and true ways to reliably get an "equal" or to do well for yourself with only rare exceptions.
One of the top posts I've ever read to summarize what's going on, especially nowadays --- not that it wasn't always the case, with a few differing situations or variables. Well done, jcardial
My question here at RVF has always been about the dreaded "access" and I believe it is truly an impossible question to answer in any really satisfactory way. It also depends heavily on what exactly the man is looking for "access" wise. I'm pretty much landing at the conclusion that a different market with different variables would allow for me the "access" that I desire, indeed. Also, not easy to do but when what one considers 7s are really hard to come by (my feeling, I'm American, and even in a big city), along with several other characteristics that the average american woman lacks, it's become more and more clear.