Quote: (10-31-2018 07:23 PM)Delta Wrote:
It's common knowledge around here that half-decent girls have no interest in >95% of men who cross their path. They only give a shit about the few men who are the rare combination of their exact type and conventionally hot. I used to think it was ridiculous how picky they were. Now I'm the same way.
Working, even suffering, to improve your own desirability has a funny way of raising your standards accordingly. If you're a newbie sitting around dreaming about how once you get your shit in order, the girls you like will start flocking to you, I've got unfortunate news: If you really do get all your shit in order, the girls you're currently into will seem like a joke. And you'll have no conscious control over it. I'd love to be fiendishly attracted to slightly chubby 5's, but I'd have better luck trying to will my eyes to change color.
Now there is a key difference: My standards come from wanting to be rewarded for years of hard work and accomplishment, whereas girls' lofty standards are a response to god-given sexual market power in their prime years, but the result is the same; plenty of options, without any that feel worthwhile.
The fundamental problem is this: No matter where you are on the journey of self-improvement, you want girls who are [at least] your equals, i.e. those you'd be able to obtain on a level playing field. But, of course, those girls are virtually unattainable because in most locales in the west, the playing field is ludicrously tilted. See my previous thread on online dating ratios, or count up the ratios in bars/clubs/anywhere people to go meet the opposite sex... the odds are just awful to ever obtain the equal you crave.
Hate to be a downer, but I had to get it off my chest that no amount of self-improvement will alleviate your disappointment in the state of the dating market. The silver lining, of course, is that if girls motivate you to get in shape, earn a stable income, dress better, improve your skincare, be more social, learn to be likable and command respect... well, you still have all those things regardless of whether it satisfies your romantic life. Improve yourself, but don't envision some fake finish line where you're suddenly happy with everything because you have a six-pack.
Off to the gym now.
Agree with you dude.
You mention self improvement which increases your value, and should theoretically open your access to higher value girls.
But, I think there is one final level that is sounds like you are yet to fully become aware of and comprehend.
Value is just one part of the equation (things like looks, fitness, intelligence, having money sorted, funny/interesting etc.). The other part is suitability for a LTR (things like sanity, emotional stability, emotional intelligence and awareness, family and friends situation, habits, how much her past impacts her etc.).
You can get guys who are into self improvement, but aren't necessarily heavy into red pill.
The more red pill you get about female psychology, behavior, biology, spotting red flags, screening - the more you see things in 'high value' girls that makes them unsuitable to keep around in your life as a romantic partner.
Even if you find a high value girl, my experience in this day and age with every single girl I've met, especially in the West, is that there is a 99.9999% chance you find some type of deal breaker red flag, or she fails the screening process.
I haven't been able to solve this yet.
I do think though that the closer you get towards your 30's and 40's, if you want kids in a traditional relationship, you have to put serious thought into possibly sacrificing looks (in the West) or some type of value (might be lack of money if she comes from a poor part of the EU) for a girl with some morals and values that presents a lower risk to blowing up your personal situation and family.
Going further on that - if you do get into an LTR at some point, I think you're absolutely batshit crazy or completely ignorant if you live in the West and either get married full stop, or get married and don't have an absolute watertight fool proof pre nup (if one exists). I'd be having that conversation super early with any potential partner.
Having said all this - it's not an excuse to stop improving yourself and being positive and keep it moving in life. You never know what might happen. (I need to remind myself of this more often)
Just some reality to consider.