8yrs, 5 holidays, 12 dates, one flag, Part 1
09-21-2018, 12:18 PM
OP, Bienvenuto is giving you some very specific and very actionable advice. I don't think he's over exaggerating at all. His first post to you may have sounded a little harsh and could've been a little softer, but the content of that post should not be ignored.
In regards to your writing style, I find it very painful to read. I even thought the same of the "strange vagina" thread and I said so there, along with many others. You will see so if you read the thread. What I did not know, as Bienvenuto pointed out, that that is typical of British writers, which I found interesting.
As an American, at a very early age we are taught to specifically not write like that. There are far too many adjectives and wandering details that either disrupt what you are trying to say or are completely irrelevant. To us, it usually means that you either don't know what the hell you are talking about and trying to make up for it by throwing useless descriptions of things that do not help convey the subject, or you are just going for "word count" in your writing. To quote a little-known English playwright named William Shakespeare, from Hamlet, when asked if the audience is enjoying the mousetrap play Hamlet has created, the reply is, "More matter and less art." In American English that means, get to the damn point already.
Trudging through this type of writing makes me want to reach through the computer screen, grab you by the shoulders, and violently shake you while screaming, "Would you please stop talking if you're not going to say anything?!"
An example: The neatly arranged custom, fine cocktail napkins were set on all corners of the wooden table, made from the finest oak, were quite dandy and deserved all my attention. However, as I gazed across the candlelit space into the soft, blue, innocent eyes of the young Russian, between the ages of 17 and 23, my thoughts slipped back to my early days in the typical rains of jolly ole London, while she silently sipped her orange juice that cost me 7 euros, yet still contained no alcohol, which disgusted me because I'm on a a budget and this orange juice is expensive and she's probably going to reject me anyway, so why am I paying for this bloody orange juice?
It's damn near unbearable.
The "strange vagina" thread, at least had a topic and was mildly entertaining. This may be the way you were taught to write, but if you spoke to someone in this manner, they would clearly conclude you were socially retarded and get very frustrated with you.
I'm not suggesting to change your style. If that's what you want, then so be it. But, you have to realize you are on an internet forum not writing a novel and, as pointed out, many foreigners are reading this trying to help you. If you want helpful advice, you may want to calibrate your writing style to your audience.
In regards to your writing style, I find it very painful to read. I even thought the same of the "strange vagina" thread and I said so there, along with many others. You will see so if you read the thread. What I did not know, as Bienvenuto pointed out, that that is typical of British writers, which I found interesting.
As an American, at a very early age we are taught to specifically not write like that. There are far too many adjectives and wandering details that either disrupt what you are trying to say or are completely irrelevant. To us, it usually means that you either don't know what the hell you are talking about and trying to make up for it by throwing useless descriptions of things that do not help convey the subject, or you are just going for "word count" in your writing. To quote a little-known English playwright named William Shakespeare, from Hamlet, when asked if the audience is enjoying the mousetrap play Hamlet has created, the reply is, "More matter and less art." In American English that means, get to the damn point already.
Trudging through this type of writing makes me want to reach through the computer screen, grab you by the shoulders, and violently shake you while screaming, "Would you please stop talking if you're not going to say anything?!"
An example: The neatly arranged custom, fine cocktail napkins were set on all corners of the wooden table, made from the finest oak, were quite dandy and deserved all my attention. However, as I gazed across the candlelit space into the soft, blue, innocent eyes of the young Russian, between the ages of 17 and 23, my thoughts slipped back to my early days in the typical rains of jolly ole London, while she silently sipped her orange juice that cost me 7 euros, yet still contained no alcohol, which disgusted me because I'm on a a budget and this orange juice is expensive and she's probably going to reject me anyway, so why am I paying for this bloody orange juice?
It's damn near unbearable.
The "strange vagina" thread, at least had a topic and was mildly entertaining. This may be the way you were taught to write, but if you spoke to someone in this manner, they would clearly conclude you were socially retarded and get very frustrated with you.
I'm not suggesting to change your style. If that's what you want, then so be it. But, you have to realize you are on an internet forum not writing a novel and, as pointed out, many foreigners are reading this trying to help you. If you want helpful advice, you may want to calibrate your writing style to your audience.