I hope you all don't think I'll be offended by your honesty. If I was that much of a pansy-ass, it would take a lot more than some guys on the internet to fix my shit.
I know I'm not a normal case. But I don't mind looking like an idiot in an anonymous venue. I hope to learn a bit. Worst case scenario is that I am right where I started.
Maybe it was peripherally women as I lacked any good social support network, but here's the scenario: I had just injured myself and was cripled for over a year. I don't recall why, but the surgeon said that it was inadvisible to operate on the disk. I lost my job and had to leave school. I gained a massive amount of weight. When I tried returning to school they refused my readmittance. I did not have many close friends at the time, they basically stopped communicating with me once I was no longer around. My best choice was moving back in with my parents. I was faced with my own mediocity. As narcissistic as it sounds, I just could not get the idea out of my head that if I couldn't make an impact on the world that there was no point in trying. So, in my self pity I decided to kill myself. I got a second chance to realize what a dumbass I was being.
This is a sobering reality. I agree logically, I just have not internalized it yet.
My first goal is to get to a weight of 240 lbs. I'm a big guy, so this would put me just above average.
I'm planning on finishing my BSN and heading toward a career as a CRNA.
In the short term I have been approaching women around campus. It's more difficult for me to spend late nights, so I only do night approaches every few weeks. I know this is not nearly enough to see real progress, but it's more than nothing. I go out drinking once a month as a reset to my diet. I have done 16 night approaches so far. I hope to pick this up once I have more free time.
I have read Day Bang, halfway through Bang, I plan on Game next. I have read through all of the Chateu Heartiste blogs on game (this is where I started), as well as Illimitable Man's blog and I'm working on reading through The Rational Man blog.
I have no idea how to go about finding a mentor or anyone to show me this stuff.
I'm a recovering lone wolf. I do have a circle of close friends now, but that is only in the last two years.
The reason I started spending time with her is that she reached out to me after I dropped communication. I got her number, had coffee where I tried to escalate physically and she brought up her girlfriend. I didn't try to initiate anything after that We spent a lot of time together for the months of summer classes, but the last few weeks she had been flakey and blew me off twice, so I stopped bothering with her.
I honestly did enjoy spending time with her, but not enough to beg for her attention. For what it's worth, I never paid for any of their shit. I don't try to buy people's approval.
I know I'm not a normal case. But I don't mind looking like an idiot in an anonymous venue. I hope to learn a bit. Worst case scenario is that I am right where I started.
Quote: (08-28-2018 04:25 PM)DarkTriad Wrote:
Quote:Quote:
Here's something I've only ever shared anonymously on the internet. No one that knows me in real life is aware of this. I once attempted suicide. (no, it had nothing to do with women) There was no note, this was not something decided in the heat of the moment. It was not a plea for attention. I woke up the next morning in a pile of vomit and pills, cleaned myself up, and decided to get my shit together.
Despondency. That is what I understand.
I don't think you understand your own pathos as well as you think you do, because it absolutely had to do with women.
We're trying to help you, not hurt you, but 28 year old virgins are absolutely NOT normal, and you're not even capable of knowing if it was about women or not until you've known how you felt in a satisfied relationship with one.
Right now, you're an outlier that is under pressures you don't even understand from your isolation. In previous eras, you wouldn't even be here, you would have already died in your attempt to prove yourself worthy to mate. We're a lot more civilized now, and can keep our walking wounded alive longer, but never doubt that you're crippled by something until you've felt what it is to walk.
In a loving relationship you would have felt all the bonds you felt from your lesbian friends, only magnified, and with the addition of being in the middle of that lesbian love sandwich instead of observing it. That's what you're meant to strive for, not to be an orbiter in denial.
On the plus side, you're in the right place to learn to reclaim your manhood. These guys will help you, but the beginning is going to be tough love, and it's going to hurt.,
Maybe it was peripherally women as I lacked any good social support network, but here's the scenario: I had just injured myself and was cripled for over a year. I don't recall why, but the surgeon said that it was inadvisible to operate on the disk. I lost my job and had to leave school. I gained a massive amount of weight. When I tried returning to school they refused my readmittance. I did not have many close friends at the time, they basically stopped communicating with me once I was no longer around. My best choice was moving back in with my parents. I was faced with my own mediocity. As narcissistic as it sounds, I just could not get the idea out of my head that if I couldn't make an impact on the world that there was no point in trying. So, in my self pity I decided to kill myself. I got a second chance to realize what a dumbass I was being.
Quote: (08-28-2018 05:38 PM)mr-ed209 Wrote:
No, and it's a large factor in you being a virgin at 28. I used to believe in the same shit. Was greatly inexperienced and was always friends with girls sometimes intentionally and later very much against what I wanted.
Male - Female friendships work as 'acquaintances' or they are fleeting. Putting the 'friendship' thing aside for rather obvious reasons (it's pointless). I think your main problem is not understanding the bigger picture when it comes to relationships. There's a 'burden of performance' for which men are judged and evaluated by society and women. You don't just 'get' companionship by being around women and being nice to them. You have to have better value and status to earn womens 'love' and that love is conditional to you maintaining those qualities in her eyes. On some level everyone knows this; it's why 'nice guys' get ostracised (they provide no value and want love for it) and why male-female friendships are unnatural - because to be friends often is as a result of being equal to one another. Being equal to your guy friends is great, you share the same struggles and you can help each other out etc. Being equal to a woman leads to them resenting you.
This is a sobering reality. I agree logically, I just have not internalized it yet.
Quote: (08-28-2018 08:20 PM)kaotic Wrote:
What exactly do you need to do to get laid?
Do you have:
-Action item list
-Stretch goals
-Short goals
-Strategies
-Books, Forums, Threads, etc
-Mentors
I mean that's a start, I'm curious to know what you've got dialed in and what you need help with, of course, this forum is your biggest source for all the above.
My first goal is to get to a weight of 240 lbs. I'm a big guy, so this would put me just above average.
I'm planning on finishing my BSN and heading toward a career as a CRNA.
In the short term I have been approaching women around campus. It's more difficult for me to spend late nights, so I only do night approaches every few weeks. I know this is not nearly enough to see real progress, but it's more than nothing. I go out drinking once a month as a reset to my diet. I have done 16 night approaches so far. I hope to pick this up once I have more free time.
I have read Day Bang, halfway through Bang, I plan on Game next. I have read through all of the Chateu Heartiste blogs on game (this is where I started), as well as Illimitable Man's blog and I'm working on reading through The Rational Man blog.
I have no idea how to go about finding a mentor or anyone to show me this stuff.
Quote:Quote:
Quote:Quote:
This is disingenuous. Seeing it this way, you could call any gaming attempt that doesn't end in a lay to be the same thing. I enjoyed myself at the time and when I saw that I was no longer getting what I wanted, I bailed. Maybe we have a different definition of orbiter. I apreciate that this comes from a place of advisement, but as least in this capacity I recognize that I do not do this out of obligation.
Okay well let's revist this:
Quote:Quote:
At the same time, I'm at the tail end of what I would say is a failed experiment in friendship with women. I had just returned to college and was picking up some summer classes when I met the girl. She was cute, a little witty, and seemingly not beholden to the addiction of social media. Obviously, I go for it, get her number and make a move. Turns out she's a lesbian, oh well.
To my surprise, after I stop communicating with her she reaches out to me. She invites me over, introduces me to her girlfriend and their other lesbian roommate. I spend some time chatting with them about bullshit and I realize that I actually enjoyed my time there. I try to pursue this friendship and it is surprisingly fun. I don't supplicate to her, but I do the same kind things I would do for my male friends. I hosted a dinner party, I brought them to the farmers market with me, and we went out to see a movie. All three of the girls were very receptive and warm, I actually enjoyed providing for them and receiving gratitude and reciprocity without any sexual tension.
Initially you had an invested interest in the girly you hit on, turns out she was a lesbian.
Question is why bother? She's a lesbian and not interested in men.
Is it just that you just enjoy human interaction with people in general? Do you have a good group of guy friends you hang out with? or are you more of a lone wolf?
I'm a recovering lone wolf. I do have a circle of close friends now, but that is only in the last two years.
The reason I started spending time with her is that she reached out to me after I dropped communication. I got her number, had coffee where I tried to escalate physically and she brought up her girlfriend. I didn't try to initiate anything after that We spent a lot of time together for the months of summer classes, but the last few weeks she had been flakey and blew me off twice, so I stopped bothering with her.
I honestly did enjoy spending time with her, but not enough to beg for her attention. For what it's worth, I never paid for any of their shit. I don't try to buy people's approval.