Quote: (07-28-2018 01:28 PM)Baphomet Wrote:
This is such a random grabastic clusterfuck of word salad, that no sense can reasonably be made of it.
Let's take this one sentence, for example:
Quote:Quote:
So basically I have known this girl for years. She knows my ex. I banged her last year and she freaked in the morning.
1. You've known a girl for "years."
2. This girl knows your "ex". (What exactly the fuck does that have to do with anything?)
3. You banged "her" last year. (Who the fuck are you taking about, the girl you've known for years, or the "ex" included for no reason other than to confuse the story?)
4. "She" ("ex" or the other girl?) freaked out in the morning? (WHAT THE HOLY FUCK sort of time dilation lens are you looking through to connect "last year" to "in the morning"?)
Quote:Quote:
Style a newb so would appreciate some pro input.
Sure thing. Retype your entire story.
1. As BB notes - Use paragraphs.
2. Stop using ambiguous pronouns.
3. Use complete sentences.
Just reading it back. I agree. I wrote it down then my friend showed up so I posted without reading it