Quote:Quote:Haha, I absolutely agree with you on this one. It'd be pretty fucked up to constantly worry about being cucked. That's not just a complete lack of inner game, that's paranoia.
(2) If you think just being in a relationship opens you up to "the risk of cuckoldry" you have bigger problems than just insecurity. Again prove me wrong.
In a way, my post isn't really disagreeing with you. It's more of a reflection of where the feelings of both attraction and caution come from.
Quote:Quote:It was pretty late when I wrote it, but I think my thought process was something like this: It's a red flag because it feels like a red flag. That check in your gut comes from the same place as what you find attractive. It's more or less out of your control and there's not much use trying to 'reason' with it. Better to admit that our current times aren't ideal for LTRs for most guys, but just make the best of it anyway.
But why is sex on the first date a red flag? I mean why else am I going on a date in the first place?
I think that's about what it comes down to. Most guys would prefer girls they LTR to have more discretion, but it's pretty hard to find nowadays. I know tons of guys will be happy to LTR first date bangs, but I'm just working with the perspective that most guys are going to be a bit apprehensive doing this, whether from some Disney idealistic upbringing or from something more biological. Instead of trying to tell them it's a perfectly normal thing or that their feelings of apprehension are wrong, I'd rather say their feelings are justified, but tough luck if a girl can't check all their boxes.
As an extreme example, if everyone was fat, there would be tons of posts (not from you, just in general) saying that dating a fatty is ok, or that if everyone is fat then no one is fat, or that you can't find slim girls so don't even try, etc., and a lot of guys would be ok dating a fatty, because what choice do they have? However, most guys are still going to want the mythical unicorn slim girl, even if she doesn't exist, and there's nothing wrong with that.
Same deal with LTRs. A lot of guys are going to want girls with more discretion, and there's nothing wrong with that. It only becomes a problem if he's too unrealistic about what's available to him.
And that's where my post veers off from the rest of your post about the self-doubt stuff.
To clarify, what I wrote is from an evolutionary perspective, which is where I believe a lot of these feelings originate. LTR apprehension and other feelings of caution are just how we're wired, and we shouldn't always fight it. A lot of us have stories that reflect this. I remember one of my buddies had this story where he was crushing hard on some girl back in high school and would drive her around and shit, always failing to get some play. Well, one day he drove her to a guy's house and she got out of the car, went to meet him, and made out with him in front of my buddy. That's a shiv to the gut and anyone reading this probably just grimaced. It's universal. Pretty much every guy is going to feel like shit after that.
If this happened to you back in our caveman days, the whole village would know and you weren't passing on your genes. Or, if you saw your cave-wife doing that, the kick in your gut you feel is your body warning you, "hey, maybe those kids you take care of aren't yours." These are extreme examples, but the LTR apprehension is a small offshoot of this.
Anyway, if men are cool with LTRing first date bangs, hey more power to them, but if a guy feels some apprehension it's better to admit it and either move on & try to find a girl with more discretion, or accept that she's not his ideal, but whatever that's life. Can't have everything. How much apprehension a guy feels, from 0-10, I think comes down to upbringing and how he's wired, but I think it's good to treat it as another component of attraction (e.g. likes blonds, big tits, hates flat asses) and go from there instead of trying to change what you're attracted to.
Bitcoin dumped over 100 pts while I wrote this. Fuck.