[Bienvenuto]

(06-06-2018 04:15 PM)TravelerKai Wrote:  

(06-06-2018 10:08 AM)Bienvenuto Wrote:  

totally different story here.

I need some TK advice mate, I'm going insane with blue balls here>

I'm in 2nd tier Vietnam. people just stare and shout all day long but I can't get any decent interactions with anyone much.

The chicks I meet are just so fucking hostile or calculating (but to an end I can't work out) or if they offer up their number and tell me they're single then in a week I've got their boyfriend non stop messaging and hassling me. I can almost put a timer on their female dread game and the subsequent male outrage whenever I'm offered a number and I'm less inclined to follow up.

people have been clear that they like me as a foreigner.
they want to book me to go to their new bar opening or to go to their new car promotion or they want to show me off to their family but the next day they forget who I am. so my experience is maybe 3 days friendliness and then they pretend they don't know me.

Vietnamese English speakers I work with get bitter and have a go at me about how I'm a "white god here and everybody knows who you are and you're such a big celebrity".
Work is a weird and catty place.
They won't socialise much and they seem to have major chips on their shoulders. All I know is my neighbours have a simple guy living with them who stares through my window day in and day out. He never leaves that room. I get bottles thrown at me in the middle of the day by guys on bikes or they try to run me off the pavement when I'm walking.

Caught between wanting to work on and steadily improve my game and wanting to withdraw from all the weirdness.
Ah fuck it, it is what it is.
Just.. having cleaned up in rural and urban Thailand, Cambodia, Bali, Taiwan, in places none too friendly to westerners like rural Sierra Leone, the Sudan border or hardcore muslim parts of Indonesia, I haven't been in this situation where there is such reserve and/or such barely disguised resentment toward foreigners.

I'm not that great I guess but I'm 6'4" Blonde, blue eyed, no tattoos or piercings, work out, wear tailored suits and shirts to work (and seem to do a good job there for whatever thats worth) and tailored jeans and polo tops to socialise in.

Clean Slate's met me, his ex housemate (can't remember his forum handle) knows me, Suits has Skyped with me. Maybe they can see the Tourettes or fugliness that I'm in denial about.

Any insights welcome TK/ whoever cos Ive got no fucking idea. Just fed up with being shunned and gawked at, at the same time. O woe is me I guess but I am confused here..

Its definitely not my face. >:/ . Least I'm pretty sure..

Strange situation for sure.

Sounds like you have a bit of a poisoned well situation going on. Could be something else though. Either way it's all fixable.

I would be willing to bet any of the following is an issue:

1. You give off bad vibes maybe even bad body language.
2. Do not know how to penetrate cliquish/Vietnamese social circles.
3. Possibly had a bad interaction and everyone knows about it, unbeknownst to you. (gossip)
4. You hunt in your work environment. (eating where you shit)
5. You do various projection stuff which is getting you awful results.
6. You are chasing bad girls and cannot figure out how to stop. Chasing good ones and disqualify or freak them out.
7. You might even be dumpster diving incorrectly. (Big no-no in Asia. The girls know their number and worth, if you are too out of their league they will friendzone or flake on you because they think you are tricking/deceiving them)
8. Huge language barrier issues.
9. Bad culture understanding.
10. Your height is intimidating and probably giving off the vibe of a bear looking to fuck a squirrel. Combined with bad body language skills, you might as well be chasing mice.

It's one of these and could be all of them. You tell me. It's also possible you have issues with these and cannot notice it. Ask Cleanslate to verify it for you since he is close by and can analyze it. He has a good eye for certain things.

You narrow it down first then maybe we can break down the game a bit more.

Thanks for the input TK.

I think part of it is I'm so pissed off and frustrated right now that I can't see the wood for the trees. definitely not reading "the Secret" and defying everyone's expectations with my positive attitude.

I need to get on top of my attitude/outlook/get past my frustrations/ and then start looking at my game.

Its a bit embarrassing really - blue balls gets me in trouble.

>>>>Loath to admit this but my new cleaner came round yesterday wearing a skirt heels and perfume, we got talking on my Mac translate to the point where she was practically sitting in my lap telling me how much she liked me.

She ain't no spring chicken but what a body.

I was like "okay lets escalate" . She gets awkward and says she wants to clean instead. Wants us to go slow. Fine I've got work to do upstairs so I go upstairs, come back down she's lying face down on the tiled floor. Translate - You okay? "I'll be okay. headache. need to sleep. thumbs up."

I get a bunch of cushions at least and make her comfortable. go upstairs. check occasionally. She lies there comatose face down for a long time. Get messages an hour later "you hate me. you think I am stupid" "No, no, no.. you okay to get home?" "Yes" Okay pay her, give her some water and hold the gate open for her.

She is now messaging me relentlessly. Can't understand her messages so I get a girl I know elsewhere in Vietnam to translate.

Girl says: "she really likes you. she has raised two daughters on her own and has had to abandon her own dreams. she is scared that you might have to leave Vietnam in 3 or 4 years time and what kind of future will that be for the two of you? she has cerebral aenemia and often gets migraines. when do you want her to clean your house next?"

Sit there and read the translation, thought wtf am I doing with my dating life? <<<

I write the above above anecdote not to complain but solely for the amusement of other readers.

time to clean my act up and improve things a step at a time. Improve outlook, body language, fitness, desperation vibe I guess.

Good advice TK. I will have to sort out the real issues from the non-issues and report back over time. Love that bear trying to fuck a squirrel metaphor btw.