So, this is just my personal opinion. I find that cold approaches are way easier than online dating and swiping. Plus, they're more fun. You basically just go out to a bar and start talking to women. For all intents and purposes, you're already on the date once you're having drinks with her, instead of exchanging all kinds of boring messages hoping she doesn't flake. If she's uninterested, you simply move on to the next one or play on your phone and read ROK.
Candidly, I have not gotten much on Bumble or Tinder (though I used to do well on OkCupid). Although it seems easy just to swipe while sitting in your office or on your couch, it also ends up with a of messages that go nowhere and dates that end up in failure.
I find cold approaches to be more efficient and enjoyable. There is something more fun about approaching a woman in person than swiping and sending messages.
Caveat: I live in a big city, and live within walking distance to many decent hipster bars. (other caveat: you can blow through a lot of money doing cold approaches).
That being said, I was having a fun discussion in PMs about approaches. I've sort of narrowed down my "greatest hits of" over the last five years, and now it comes pretty naturally.
These are my thoughts...
1. Eye contact and posture is the most important part. Grin, squint, use hand gestures, spread out, and laugh loudly. Own the room. You're king. Added points for style, fitness, etc. But you can get away with most things just by using hand gestures, telling stories, using good posture, making eye contact, and being engaging.
2. Keep everything light. Ask questions that aren't "interview" questions. No one enjoys talking about their job, finances, school obligations, taxes, etc. Questions I like to ask: "Where did you grow up?" "What did you like about it?" "What's the best vacation you ever took?" "Have you ever tried [xyz beer]?" "What do you think my buddy here does for a living?" "What's the best thing on this menu that won't make me fat?" "What is the difference between Splenda and Equal?" "What is Crossfit all about?"
Keep it really fun and light. Get her talking, and keep her talking. People like to talk about themselves and random stuff.
3. Never talk about these subjects: your job, your finances, politics, cryptocurrency, game, or pretty much anything of substance. I think it was Roosh who said this, but watch old episodes of Seinfeld. Talk about random dumb shit. The color of sugar packets, the size of ice cubes, your favorite class at the gym. Whatever. This is an easy way of building comfort. You can easily fuckup a set by being too arrogant, stating your love of Trump, or trying too hard to express how cool you are. It's virtually impossible to fuckup a set by talking about really benign shit.
4. Confidence. Confidence, confidence, confidence. If she starts playing with her phone, just walk away and go talk to someone else. Don't be rude about it. Sometimes you'll also approach a set, get blown out, and then 20 minutes later the girls feel like talking. As long as you're not being creepy, they're not going to freak out because you asked what's good on the menu and whether they've ever had the Imperial Stout. Keep everything very light until you've escalated, and it's hard to get blown out.
5. Have a "spot" where you know the bartenders, the servers, and the staff. You can always go out alone and use them as your wings. Bring them into your conversations, like you're all in on an inside joke. Preferably close to your house. Logistics are half the battle. (GI JOE!)
6. Don't talk about yourself, even if you have a "high value" profession. A huge mistake I see guys make is trying to turn the whole conversation into them, their job, their money, their house, their band, whatever. When it comes to cold approaches, just ask fun softball questions about topics that are enjoyable to talk about. The less you talk about yourself, the better. Let them figure it out.
7. Just do it. Approach. You can say almost any random shit and just start up a conversation. In about 90% of instances, the very worst thing that happens is you end up having a conversation. Then they're like "it was nice meeting you, but I have to go." You can't win the game if you don't play the game.
8. If you sing decently, this is a surprisingly good way to approach women. If a song comes on and you know the lyrics, just walk up and start singing to her. ("People talk about me baby, say I been doin' you wroooong, but don't you worry baby, don't you worry momma, cuz I'm right here at hooome...") This takes a high level of confidence and very good vibe. Insanely effective.
9. I keep it simple and only approach either girls who are out by themselves, or groups of girls only. It's easier. They're single about 60% of the time. I've found that the sweet spot is usually two girls out together. You can also volley easier. Plus, you can just be like "I don't mean to butt into your conversation, but blah blah blah... you girls look like you could use a shot."
10. Don't go for kino right away. You've got to build comfort first. If you start groping her 10 seconds into the conversation, she's going to label you as "creepy." It's imperative to build comfort before going for kino. Maybe if you're really good looking you can get away with this, but I'd say about 70% of my game is built in comfort. We talk, we hang out, we have some mutual friends, we do shots, we laugh, and then I go fairly subtle. Comfort is built more quickly if you have mutual friends.
I'd like to hear all your thoughts on this.
Candidly, I have not gotten much on Bumble or Tinder (though I used to do well on OkCupid). Although it seems easy just to swipe while sitting in your office or on your couch, it also ends up with a of messages that go nowhere and dates that end up in failure.
I find cold approaches to be more efficient and enjoyable. There is something more fun about approaching a woman in person than swiping and sending messages.
Caveat: I live in a big city, and live within walking distance to many decent hipster bars. (other caveat: you can blow through a lot of money doing cold approaches).
That being said, I was having a fun discussion in PMs about approaches. I've sort of narrowed down my "greatest hits of" over the last five years, and now it comes pretty naturally.
These are my thoughts...
1. Eye contact and posture is the most important part. Grin, squint, use hand gestures, spread out, and laugh loudly. Own the room. You're king. Added points for style, fitness, etc. But you can get away with most things just by using hand gestures, telling stories, using good posture, making eye contact, and being engaging.
2. Keep everything light. Ask questions that aren't "interview" questions. No one enjoys talking about their job, finances, school obligations, taxes, etc. Questions I like to ask: "Where did you grow up?" "What did you like about it?" "What's the best vacation you ever took?" "Have you ever tried [xyz beer]?" "What do you think my buddy here does for a living?" "What's the best thing on this menu that won't make me fat?" "What is the difference between Splenda and Equal?" "What is Crossfit all about?"
Keep it really fun and light. Get her talking, and keep her talking. People like to talk about themselves and random stuff.
3. Never talk about these subjects: your job, your finances, politics, cryptocurrency, game, or pretty much anything of substance. I think it was Roosh who said this, but watch old episodes of Seinfeld. Talk about random dumb shit. The color of sugar packets, the size of ice cubes, your favorite class at the gym. Whatever. This is an easy way of building comfort. You can easily fuckup a set by being too arrogant, stating your love of Trump, or trying too hard to express how cool you are. It's virtually impossible to fuckup a set by talking about really benign shit.
4. Confidence. Confidence, confidence, confidence. If she starts playing with her phone, just walk away and go talk to someone else. Don't be rude about it. Sometimes you'll also approach a set, get blown out, and then 20 minutes later the girls feel like talking. As long as you're not being creepy, they're not going to freak out because you asked what's good on the menu and whether they've ever had the Imperial Stout. Keep everything very light until you've escalated, and it's hard to get blown out.
5. Have a "spot" where you know the bartenders, the servers, and the staff. You can always go out alone and use them as your wings. Bring them into your conversations, like you're all in on an inside joke. Preferably close to your house. Logistics are half the battle. (GI JOE!)
6. Don't talk about yourself, even if you have a "high value" profession. A huge mistake I see guys make is trying to turn the whole conversation into them, their job, their money, their house, their band, whatever. When it comes to cold approaches, just ask fun softball questions about topics that are enjoyable to talk about. The less you talk about yourself, the better. Let them figure it out.
7. Just do it. Approach. You can say almost any random shit and just start up a conversation. In about 90% of instances, the very worst thing that happens is you end up having a conversation. Then they're like "it was nice meeting you, but I have to go." You can't win the game if you don't play the game.
8. If you sing decently, this is a surprisingly good way to approach women. If a song comes on and you know the lyrics, just walk up and start singing to her. ("People talk about me baby, say I been doin' you wroooong, but don't you worry baby, don't you worry momma, cuz I'm right here at hooome...") This takes a high level of confidence and very good vibe. Insanely effective.
9. I keep it simple and only approach either girls who are out by themselves, or groups of girls only. It's easier. They're single about 60% of the time. I've found that the sweet spot is usually two girls out together. You can also volley easier. Plus, you can just be like "I don't mean to butt into your conversation, but blah blah blah... you girls look like you could use a shot."
10. Don't go for kino right away. You've got to build comfort first. If you start groping her 10 seconds into the conversation, she's going to label you as "creepy." It's imperative to build comfort before going for kino. Maybe if you're really good looking you can get away with this, but I'd say about 70% of my game is built in comfort. We talk, we hang out, we have some mutual friends, we do shots, we laugh, and then I go fairly subtle. Comfort is built more quickly if you have mutual friends.
I'd like to hear all your thoughts on this.