Quote: (05-26-2018 01:32 AM)JackinMelbourne Wrote:
Why do you care? Not really your problem...
If anything, observe, learn and re-enforce your own beliefs.
I cared because I don't like to see my friends end up fucking up their lives. But, if anything it did just re-enforce what I already knew. It also taught me a lot.
Quote: (05-26-2018 01:51 AM)John Michael Kane Wrote:
Take him to the gym and work out. Teach him the values of self-discipline and self-respect. When you learn to love yourself, you seek out and demand higher quality friendships and relationships. It starts internally, but you can help lead by example. Engage in more manly behaviors with him and start holding him accountable. Less talk, more action.
Tried that for a while. He's a pussy and hated the gym and working out. Tried getting him into martial arts too at different times. He still acted like a pussy because he was afraid of getting hit. Said shit like "I'm a lover not a fighter", yet would love to talk big despite this.
Tried getting him involved in other things, like getting him around more positive male influence (some of my friends), less numales and burnouts, more gym bros and martial artists. I've been holding him accountable for his action for years, and have called him out on his shit constantly. Only results that would ever come from it is that he would blame everyone else for his problems besides himself. Further action won't work at this point. Which is why I don't feel bad about cutting him out.
Quote: (05-26-2018 02:05 AM)Alpha_Romeo Wrote:
Your friend himself has to want to change/improve. It's near to impossible to make someone want to change. You've done your best to help him in a reasonable manner. But sadly, most people don't change because they see the light, only when they feel the heat. Who knows what your friend's wake up event will be... a devistating divorce. Even then some men don't learn.
He could have insecurity issues, which could be explored with a good therapist.
I had friends like this, and I think everyone here probably knows someone like this in some shape or form. It's a common problem. And the solution isn't that simple. The only advice I could offer is to find out if there is something that he is good at which has a competitive element and scalability and then encourage him to go at it full on.
I realized that unfortunately. Don't think he's ever going to change. Insecure or not, he doesn't take advice from anybody. Not me his former best friend, nor his father, nor his older brother (not that his brother is much better than him). He doesn't want to stop putting the pussy on the pedestal. That's 50% of whats holding him back. The other 50% is his lack of accountability. When I said he worships women, I am not over stating anything. He literally believes women are perfect, could do no wrong, and would never have a bad intention.
But oh well, if he ever learns, he'll probably learn when its too late.
Quote: (05-26-2018 11:32 PM)tobehero Wrote:
Quote: (05-26-2018 05:08 PM)VisionsofGandhi Wrote:
He's gone.You should end your friendship. Nothing you can say can change that if he's lucky life will teach him
Haha bit harsh ending friendship over this.
Nope. It's been going on since we were around 17 or 18. We're 22 now. I don't see it changing anytime soon. I've done nothing but help him through his bullshit over the past few years (and even back in hs before it was as bad). Any problem he has had was entirely his own fault, and I still helped him through it because I assumed that's what a good friend was supposed to do.
I'll give you some examples to expand the picture on this situation a bit. When we were 18 he broke up with his hs sweetheart (or whatever you want to call it). He wanted to "kill himself" over her and cried practically every day for weeks on end. hung out with him every day back then, he wasn't getting any better so I punched him in the stomach (don't advise others in similar situation to do that) as he was bitching about her not answering him after he tried contacting her after nearly a month of her hooking up with some chad. That helped him moved on to other girls. However you can imagine most of these other girls were trouble. Because he's attracted to trouble. SJWs and the like as I explained in the OP.
Soon after this he dropped out of college and started bumming around for nearly a year. During the course of this I helped get him a job at a place I used to work at. And guess what? He was fired for stealing money from the said job about 5 months in.
The summer after this, I got him another job at a different place I was working at. During the course of this he decided to go back to college. But you guessed it, he dropped out a second time. This time however he went back to work at the job I got him. He was threaten to be fired at different times for casually showing up late, being rude to customers, etc. They're short of employees, which is the only reason he hasn't been fired again.
The guy would have the nerve to complain to me calling me lazy while he was "working" so hard at this part time job three days a week, and I was taking 18 credits worth of credits a semester. Minus during the summers, I had practically no free time to do shit during the past few years, also minus the occasional weekend once or twice every month or two.
I graduated early, and it's been painstakingly obvious that I got a useless degree (that's a bit off topic though). He'd use the fact that I not only didn't drop out like him, but also graduated early as a reasoning for him not taking my advice. Because apparently bumming around getting high and drunk 6 days a week with other bums gives you more social experience and thus more leverage in a discussion about what is a good/bad direction in life, than what I experienced living at college for three years around a bunch of different kinds of people, and taking a shit load of classes while also attempting to expand into different social circles as a means of self-improvement (went from a shy socially awkward teenager to a observant well-rounded adult during my time in college, if it was worth anything).
How about the fact that I went and picked him up from shady places he went to party at at like 3am at various times, despite being so busy. One of which times he was left outside throwing up drunk and high out of his mind in the pouring rain by his "friends" like the pathetic waste of space that he is. Told him to ditch them and try getting his shit together, but to him I'm practically anti-social in his mind and thus have no real opinion. Another time he was going to get the shit beat out of him and I went over and talked the situation down.
In hindsight I don't know what I was thinking helping him so much. I feel like an idiot for doing so. Maybe it was the fact that we had known each other since we were practically babies? Either way, what's done is done and I'm not looking back. Haven't dealt with him in about two weeks, and I hear he's been arrested for a DUI. At this point I don't need such negative influence around me, life friend or not. He's only proven himself to be trouble. I have other friends with their lives much more together than he ever has had. He may have been friends with me longer than most people, but he wasn't a friend of quality. He doesn't view me more than something to be used to his convenience, otherwise he'd have taken my advice seriously.
I advise you to evaluate the people you hang around. If I learned one thing from this experience it's that it doesn't matter how long you've known a person, if they're a shit person they're a shit person. If they were a good friend in the past, look at the present instead and see who they are now, not who they were.
As another user commented in the thread, you are the sum of the 5 people you hang around the most. Don't let people like him hold you back. Man or woman, some people just like to leech the energy off of you. It's better to live without said leeches. I wish I would have learned this earlier in life, it would have saved me a lot of trouble. I'm glad I learned the negative aspects of women when I was younger, but I wish someone would have warned me about shit friends too.