[albvik]

Hello guys, im 22 years old from a post-sovietic country, since i was a kid i was a very weak and 90% of my childhood until 10 years old i've spent in hospitals, I always loved sports, and wanted to become a pro athelte(well i didnt succeed, guess that was a sort of complex for me, like girls with daddy issues), I was raised by my mother since my parents divorced when i was 4, my dad was and still is (no anger here he actually is) loser that was beating my mom every time he was drunk so she left him. By growing up I was very dominated by my mother and became let's say very feminine, in school i was getting bullied all the time, even if i was in the basketball team i was very skinny, I was also bullied and getting my butt kicked because I was wearing hip-hop style clothes, they were in style back in the days, my mother always told me not to fight, run away from bad or dangerous situations , dont drink alcohol, come hope very early, no clubs , dont hang out with bad boys etc, she controlled every aspect of my life. I understand that she is overprotective but It created a very big issue for me, I can't talk to women, Im preety charismatic but I fear women, i've did wrestling when I was 16 till 18 and then became a olympic weightlifter until I was 21, im not competing anymore and I didnt achived important sports titles. Now im muscular and stuff I look very strong, I am also strong but Im afraid of other guys still, not the ones that do sports but in general, Im just like the cowardy lion from Wizard of OZ, I don't have a "spine" ,dunno how to say it better , also I have a huge lack of self esteem and always doubt myself and underestimate , with women, or even at a freaking job interview ... I've never had a masculine example to emulate, so i've associated myself with athletes but that didn't helped so even doe im a big guy , im still a coward... Could you guys help me I don't know what to do here... I mean it messes up my life really bad, in many ways.