Recently I've been thinking about the manner in which the majority of men compulsively qualify themselves to anyone who will listen. The subtext of every conversation is "I am this. I possess these qualities. Think of me this way." People seem so desperately eager to (falsely) define themselves. This of course almost invariably stems from insecurity.
I've noticed that the two issues regarding which men are the most insecure are sex (which should be obvious to anyone who frequents these boards) and combat/self defense/fighting prowess. Spend any time in the company of men and it won't be long before they start bragging about their sexual conquests ("I fucked this bitch, blah blah blah") or how tough they are (in the context of some story: "I would've/I almost beat that motherfucker's ass"). The ability to seduce and to perform well sexually along with the ability to defend one's self against enemies and interlopers seem to be subconsciously understood by almost all men as cornerstones of masculinity, to the point that they make fools out of themselves attempting to convey that they have these aspects of their lives not only handled but mastered. But if this were true, why the need to talk about it incessantly? Well, because it isn't true in most cases. In fact, most men are severely lacking in these departments.
I cringe a bit as I type this paragraph as I am going to qualify myself, and I hate doing so in any context, but I am blessed in the sense that I don't really care about any of this. I have had sexual experiences that surpassed my wildest fantasies, but I have never felt compelled to brag about this to anyone (until now, I guess, since it's in the context of this post and the point I'm trying to make). As for fighting/combat, I just simply don't care. I am a writer and a filmmaker. An introverted, bookish type. It took a lot of grueling work in my early twenties to learn to be social and approach and talk to women but it is an invaluable skill and I'm glad I took the time to learn it (as I mentioned recently in a separate post, I am currently getting back into the PUA lifestyle after a long break brought on by a drug addiction). A lot of guys these days are all about MMA and jiu jitsu and boxing and krav maga and hey, if that's something through which some men derive fulfillment then I see nothing wrong with it. More power to you. For myself, however, I have never felt the call for that type of activity. I lift weights and eat healthily, primarily for the sake of vanity, but that is the extent of my athletic inclinations.
With that said, I don't allow myself to be a sitting duck just waiting to be victimized. I own several firearms and carry mace and a knife but I sincerely hope I never have to use any of them. Unlike a lot of guys, I don't go looking for a trouble (my grandfather, a boxer, once told me, "if you go looking for trouble, you'll never have any problem finding it"). But I am not afraid to defend myself and my loved ones if necessary, and I think that *that*, as opposed to being a tough guy who constantly goes looking for fights, is truly masculine.
To conclude, I'll share an example of a guy I know who is one of the biggest shit talkers I've ever encountered. You can't spend 5 minutes with the guy without him telling you how tough he is, how he would do such and such if someone messed with him, and on and on with that type of bullshit. He's been this way for years. Back when I was really into PUA, I would try to get him to approach a girl when we went out to the bar, and he would flat out *refuse*. If I continued to press him on it, he would get downright angry, to the point that he actually got up and left the bar once. The reason for this is very clear: cold approaching an attractive woman is like holding up a mirror to your value. That's why so few men get good at this. You have to be willing to let your ego take a beating and find out exactly where you stand in the eyes of the types of women that you want to fuck. Rarely pleasant, but ultimately worth it.
I've noticed that the two issues regarding which men are the most insecure are sex (which should be obvious to anyone who frequents these boards) and combat/self defense/fighting prowess. Spend any time in the company of men and it won't be long before they start bragging about their sexual conquests ("I fucked this bitch, blah blah blah") or how tough they are (in the context of some story: "I would've/I almost beat that motherfucker's ass"). The ability to seduce and to perform well sexually along with the ability to defend one's self against enemies and interlopers seem to be subconsciously understood by almost all men as cornerstones of masculinity, to the point that they make fools out of themselves attempting to convey that they have these aspects of their lives not only handled but mastered. But if this were true, why the need to talk about it incessantly? Well, because it isn't true in most cases. In fact, most men are severely lacking in these departments.
I cringe a bit as I type this paragraph as I am going to qualify myself, and I hate doing so in any context, but I am blessed in the sense that I don't really care about any of this. I have had sexual experiences that surpassed my wildest fantasies, but I have never felt compelled to brag about this to anyone (until now, I guess, since it's in the context of this post and the point I'm trying to make). As for fighting/combat, I just simply don't care. I am a writer and a filmmaker. An introverted, bookish type. It took a lot of grueling work in my early twenties to learn to be social and approach and talk to women but it is an invaluable skill and I'm glad I took the time to learn it (as I mentioned recently in a separate post, I am currently getting back into the PUA lifestyle after a long break brought on by a drug addiction). A lot of guys these days are all about MMA and jiu jitsu and boxing and krav maga and hey, if that's something through which some men derive fulfillment then I see nothing wrong with it. More power to you. For myself, however, I have never felt the call for that type of activity. I lift weights and eat healthily, primarily for the sake of vanity, but that is the extent of my athletic inclinations.
With that said, I don't allow myself to be a sitting duck just waiting to be victimized. I own several firearms and carry mace and a knife but I sincerely hope I never have to use any of them. Unlike a lot of guys, I don't go looking for a trouble (my grandfather, a boxer, once told me, "if you go looking for trouble, you'll never have any problem finding it"). But I am not afraid to defend myself and my loved ones if necessary, and I think that *that*, as opposed to being a tough guy who constantly goes looking for fights, is truly masculine.
To conclude, I'll share an example of a guy I know who is one of the biggest shit talkers I've ever encountered. You can't spend 5 minutes with the guy without him telling you how tough he is, how he would do such and such if someone messed with him, and on and on with that type of bullshit. He's been this way for years. Back when I was really into PUA, I would try to get him to approach a girl when we went out to the bar, and he would flat out *refuse*. If I continued to press him on it, he would get downright angry, to the point that he actually got up and left the bar once. The reason for this is very clear: cold approaching an attractive woman is like holding up a mirror to your value. That's why so few men get good at this. You have to be willing to let your ego take a beating and find out exactly where you stand in the eyes of the types of women that you want to fuck. Rarely pleasant, but ultimately worth it.