[Hyyish]

Okay guys. This is not my proudest day in life, but now as I'm safe back in Thailand it's really just a fun story. I had a moment that night I really thought I was going away for a long time in some dirty developing country style prison far out in nowhere in Laos.

Luckily, that didn't happen, and I can tell the tale today.

For you who don't know. Laos is a one-party communist dictatorship in southeast-Asia. Not the type of country you want any kind of trouble with those who are in power. Luckily, this is also one of the most corrupt countries in the world, and that was what saved my ass this time (thank you corruption). If this had been Dubai I would be looking at a three years prison sentence in some dirty desert prison as we speak.

Intro
I don't remember how this story start, as I was very drunk at that point. All I remember is that at some point I was holding my arm around some girl from Germany. She was about 160 tall, blond hair and probably just as drunk as me. Lets just call this girl C from now.

We started talking about the possibility of maybe banging each other, but we quickly realized that none of us had a private room as both of us stayed in dorms with other people.

At that point I came with the great idea that we could bang outdoors. This was after all a tropical country and it was pretty hot outside. I told C that I knew about a secret island with a riverbank. It never even crossed my mind that Laos is a very conservative country, and that banging in public is probably not very legal. I had been drunk and high for 5 days so my judgement skills was pretty much reduced to zero.

The Bang begins
Of we went, and after 10 minutes of walking we were at the island on the riverbank. I don't remember exactly how, but we both found out that we both liked role play sex. We agreed that C would be my little girl that had to do what she was told, and if she was disobedient I would make her do it! (You get the idea here)..

Ok. Everything is fine and we're having our little role play session out on the island by the river bank. We both are a little paranoid for snakes and spiders, but that the local people might be spying on us while talking with the local police never crossed our mind. It was pitch black, 4 in the morning and everyone was sleeping. We thought we were safe lol.

Suddenly, while I have C in a funny position while spanking her for being disobedient I hear a jangling sound in the distance. I look carefully over the reed, then I see silhouette of three local men. One of them are talking in the phone or trying to make a flashlight working. I'm not sure.

"Quick quick. Get on your clothes C. Someone is here" I told to C. I helped C to dress as she was the only one who was undressed (yet).

Just as we had gotten our clothes on, 3 men came out of nowhere. At this point we was just siting down pretending like nothing while talking to each other, they quickly said hello and disappeared again.

Okay. Five minutes had passed. I did a quick walk around the island while C was waiting for me. No local guys to see anywhere. Excellent! We quickly started our little role play again. This time both of us was really into it. We totally forgot to watch our surroundings.

Arrested
Then... Then it happened.

C and me was totally naked. I was banging her hard in doggy while dragging her hair and spanking her ass hard.

FLASHLIGHTS EVERYWHERE.....!! WTF....???

Out of fucking nowhere came 4 men with flashlights and cameras. They surrounded C and me.

"STOP WHAT YOU ARE DOING. WE HAVE IT ON VIDEO. YOU ARE ARRESTED"..

Both C and me freaked the fuck out. We quickly tried to get our clothes on as we are being filmed from all fucking angles. We were dawdling and using a lot of time as we could not see shit. It's dark and when we took of our clothes we just threw them everywhere without any worry in the world!

We got our clothes on. The four local men told us to follow them off the island, over the bridge and back to the main road. Btw, these local guys had no uniform, they had no badge, and when we came to the main road they were just driving a totally normal Toyota Hilux. Was this an arrest or a kidnapping?? Who the fuck knows..

C freaked out... She was not happy about going inside a private car with four unknown men.

I told her to relax, and said that we really have no choice at this point. If we tried to run away they would quickly overpower us, and we would have 4 angry men instead of four relative relaxed men just about to make a lot of money. They have not handcuffed us or anything. Everything is fine. They probably just want our money I said to her. I have never heard about foreigners stuck in Lao prisons for fucking in public. This made C giggle, and inside the car we went.

As soon as we got inside the car they asked what hostel we stayed on. We explained that we don't know each other, and that we stayed in different hostels. They told us that we had to go to the hostels first to pick up our passports.

20 minutes later we had our passports.

Fun story here: I had my passport at another hostel as I had rented a motorbike. I had to wake up the staff, tell them about the situation, and that I needed my passport. lol.. xD Anyways..

Now they told us that we had to go to the police station for "processing". I don't know what that is supposed to mean, but they probably just tried to sound as scary and important as possible with the little English they knew.

I whispered to the girl while we was in the car heading to the police station that when we got to the station, we should just be humble as fuck, say sorry, that we love Laos and that we don't mean any harm. She agreed on that!

Police station? Not really...
When we got to the police station we realized that it was no police station. It was just a very nice house with a big ass gate that was waaay to nice to fit in in this otherwise poor neighborhood... Inside in the parking area there was 3 really flashy Toyota Hiluxes, a pretty decent sport-bike and the house looked like a fucking palace.

I also noticed there was an ATM just on the opposite side of the street of this really nice house. So convenient...

This made me a little bit more relaxed because it was obvious that they pull this shit on every foreigner that do something stupid just to take their money. No fucking way an average police salary in Laos can pay for all this bling bling. If they were police at all, who the hell knows. The only thing I worried about now was; how much would they demand? Would they demand something totally unrealistic like 50 grand or would they just be happy with 100 bucks. Who knows??

Anyways. We got inside the house, and was taken to a very simple room with just a desk and 4 chairs. Looked really formal but simple. On the wall there was a communist-style ish poster about stuff that is illegal to do in Laos, one of the points was banging in public.. Oops..

C and I started our little act about being sorry. (Just to be clear, we was actually scared and sorry at this point, we just overacted a little bit.. Maybe it helped, who knows??) We told the chief that we were very sorry and that we had done something very stupid. If he let us go now we would never do it again and continue to travel in Laos peacefully.

Well, that didn't work. He started a long and strict speech about how speechless he was. How could we do this in Laos? Making love in public was very bad and would attract bad spirits to his town (he actually said that)..

At this point we tried to make the point that we did not have sex in public, but in the forest by the river. "The forest and the river is natural just like sex" I said. He looked confused. Again we said we were very sorry and that we would never do such a bad thing again.

C also said very carefully: "if there is something we can do to speed up this prosess we would happily do it". A nice way to offer a bribe I guess??

Good bullshit is still bullshit
Again, he was not impressed. He pulled up some papers in Lao that we had to sign. This is when I understood this was all just a big joke..

Here is why:
I can speak and read Thai, and the Lao language is 80% identical to Thai and they also use the same alphabet. I didn't understand everything on the paper that he pulled up, but I did understand that it was a recipe on how to make some type of dish with fish. And not an official document about confession or blame.

Of course I could not say this to the "chief" or to C (but I would say it to C later), as this would make the chief loose face, and that would probably not end well for anyone.

The "chief" told us to sign the bullshit document, he also pulled up ink, then told us to sign the document with our fingerprints too. I just did it because I already knew this was just a bullshit paper. However, C did not know, and she wasn't very eager to sign it. She probably thought she signed away her freedom and would be transported to the nearest prison asap. I just told C to sign it, I would explain to her later. She signed...

The "chief" took our passport, then he told us to come back the next day to talk with a even bigger chief. I was not really happy about that so this time I tried to hint for a bribe just like C had done some minutes earlier, just a little bit more directly.

"Please!. If there is something we can do to make this situation solved tonight. I'm totally for that! I also have to go back to Thailand tomorrow morning.. I'm sure you don't want to wake up tomorrow and still have to think about us. If we solve this now we can just forget about it! What do you want us to do?"...

The "chief" stared at us for around 10 seconds, before he went outside the room to talk with some of the other guys that busted us earlier that night.

Thank you corruption!
He came back in, sat down and said: "Okay. There is an ATM just outside in the street. You go there, take out 5 million kip EACH (600$). Then you come back here, take your passports and we'll forget about this!".

"That sound fucking amazing" I said back..

We went to the ATM, I told C everything about the cooking manual she just signed. She totally lost it in laughter for a good minute...

You can only take out 1 million kip per time in Laos, so we had to stick our cards in and out 10 times before we had enough money. This took us around 15 minutes. At the end we had a 5 cm stack of money.

10 million kip! We figured out later that these money corresponds to 2 year of work for an average police man in Laos. Which also explain their smiles as soon as we got back into the house and they saw the money.

As soon I we took up the money their faces turned into the same face you see on kids when they get something for Christmas that they really wanted. It was just like that. It was an instant transformation from very serious to very happy. lol..

When we gave them the money they started to count. And they didn't only count it one time, but 4 times! Over and over again while they was smiling and laughing to each other. I could hear the guys on the main room bouncing beer and turning up the music lol. They were going to have a party this morning that is for sure!

Anyways. They got the money, we got our passports back. Everyone was happy, we shook hands and they told us to be more careful from now on.

We had nothing to say, we just agreed.

They didn't drive us back to our hostels, so we had to WALK the 3 km back to town. Was not really in the mood to that, but I was not really in the position to demand anyone in that house to drive us back either. So we had to walk all the way back.

Walk of shame I guess? Not really... We laughed all the way back to the hostel. 600$ and didn't even finish, that's the real shame here...

Soo. What did we learn?
- Never rent a dorm!
- Be careful with drugs kids!


Anyways. Really nice to be back in Thailand. Will go out now and have some noodles.