For the men with kids, especially younger ones.. how do you do it ? Not so much a problem of getting notches, more so the balance between being a father and having that time to yourself (and notches).
Some backstory if it helps:
I'm 45, divorced after 10+ years (finalized over a year ago). I kept the house, and the kids are with me the majority of the time (I'm custodial). The ex actually pays me support (!!), and she has a habit of not 'being able to take the kids tonight/this weekend' about 50% of the time. She just recently remarried, she'd brought a few different men around my kids before settling down with sucker #4. Yeah, you read that right, she just married for the 4th time (I was #3).
As I read that, it comes across a little bitter and jealous, but it's not meant to be. It's to give a better explanation of my position.
I'm more concerned with my children. Quite a few times my oldest (of three, boy, girl, girl, and they are the only kids that either of us have) has asked me why their mother doesn't seem to want them around. She (mother) always wants to hang out with her friends or boyfriend (now husband).
Because of this (and the girls sort of feel the same way), I'm hesitant to bring any woman into my world. I don't want my children to think of me the same way they see their mother. Children need a father figure, and I've got a healthy relationship with my children that I don't want to jeopardize by bringing revolving women around.
On the other side of the equation, it severely limits my ability to be spontaneous with potential notches. There have been a few times where I've done a 'smash and dip' sort of thing from a Tinder or POF match, usually on one of my (few) kid free nights or weekends. More than once I've gone over to a single/divorced woman's place solely for the bang.. while her kids are in their bedrooms sleeping !! And the women are the ones suggesting that I come over !!
I couldn't do that. I couldn't imagine having some woman, some stranger that I've never met before, come over to my house while my kids are there.
(On a side note, these women are typically mid/late 30's or early 40's single mothers, that their kid's father is practically non-existent. 5's and 6's, but easy bangs if the online/text game is fair to good, and you're willing to spend extended time online or texting).
A couple months ago, one single mother I had in my rotation, her ex lives across the country. He comes to the area once a year, and when he's here he gets his/their kids for the week. It actually worked out that we had the same weekend available (and my ex didn't flake). So we chatted for a bit, I suggested we 'get out of town' for the night. She had a bag packed in half an hour, I picked her up, and we zipped up to Niagara Falls (I'm in western NY). We had a great time, no kids, no (potential) worries.. it was genuinely a great time. Light dinner, some sightseeing, and back to the hotel room.
That said, I enjoyed that flexibility.. the spontaneity.. "Fuck it, let's go to Niagara Falls !!". "Ok".
It was great !! Just the whole experience again of being able to do something at the drop of a hat was immensely satisfying. As lame as this might sound, I felt young again. Even she remarked that I seemed a little more (than usual) upbeat.
I ended up bumping her from my lineup a couple weeks ago, she wanted too much more too fast. This was one of the women that let me come straight to her apartment for the bang while the kids were upstairs sleeping. So it wasn't going to be anything long term (for me) from the start, and I never insinuated to her that it would be.
As I work toward making my game stronger and tighter, working on younger women, that spontaneity is a significant arrow to have in my quiver.
Maybe this thread is more of a "how to keep your ex in line" kind of question (?).
My kids always come first. There's no wavering on that for me. Not only because I see, hear, or read too many stories about some dumb shit some kid did, only to find out that the father isn't around. But because I am their father, and it's my job to be their father.
So how do you guys keep the balance between being or striving to be a good father, while still having your own needs met ? Not just physically, but mentally stimulating as well as having that ability to be 'spontaneous' ?
Some backstory if it helps:
I'm 45, divorced after 10+ years (finalized over a year ago). I kept the house, and the kids are with me the majority of the time (I'm custodial). The ex actually pays me support (!!), and she has a habit of not 'being able to take the kids tonight/this weekend' about 50% of the time. She just recently remarried, she'd brought a few different men around my kids before settling down with sucker #4. Yeah, you read that right, she just married for the 4th time (I was #3).
As I read that, it comes across a little bitter and jealous, but it's not meant to be. It's to give a better explanation of my position.
I'm more concerned with my children. Quite a few times my oldest (of three, boy, girl, girl, and they are the only kids that either of us have) has asked me why their mother doesn't seem to want them around. She (mother) always wants to hang out with her friends or boyfriend (now husband).
Because of this (and the girls sort of feel the same way), I'm hesitant to bring any woman into my world. I don't want my children to think of me the same way they see their mother. Children need a father figure, and I've got a healthy relationship with my children that I don't want to jeopardize by bringing revolving women around.
On the other side of the equation, it severely limits my ability to be spontaneous with potential notches. There have been a few times where I've done a 'smash and dip' sort of thing from a Tinder or POF match, usually on one of my (few) kid free nights or weekends. More than once I've gone over to a single/divorced woman's place solely for the bang.. while her kids are in their bedrooms sleeping !! And the women are the ones suggesting that I come over !!
I couldn't do that. I couldn't imagine having some woman, some stranger that I've never met before, come over to my house while my kids are there.
(On a side note, these women are typically mid/late 30's or early 40's single mothers, that their kid's father is practically non-existent. 5's and 6's, but easy bangs if the online/text game is fair to good, and you're willing to spend extended time online or texting).
A couple months ago, one single mother I had in my rotation, her ex lives across the country. He comes to the area once a year, and when he's here he gets his/their kids for the week. It actually worked out that we had the same weekend available (and my ex didn't flake). So we chatted for a bit, I suggested we 'get out of town' for the night. She had a bag packed in half an hour, I picked her up, and we zipped up to Niagara Falls (I'm in western NY). We had a great time, no kids, no (potential) worries.. it was genuinely a great time. Light dinner, some sightseeing, and back to the hotel room.
That said, I enjoyed that flexibility.. the spontaneity.. "Fuck it, let's go to Niagara Falls !!". "Ok".
It was great !! Just the whole experience again of being able to do something at the drop of a hat was immensely satisfying. As lame as this might sound, I felt young again. Even she remarked that I seemed a little more (than usual) upbeat.
I ended up bumping her from my lineup a couple weeks ago, she wanted too much more too fast. This was one of the women that let me come straight to her apartment for the bang while the kids were upstairs sleeping. So it wasn't going to be anything long term (for me) from the start, and I never insinuated to her that it would be.
As I work toward making my game stronger and tighter, working on younger women, that spontaneity is a significant arrow to have in my quiver.
Maybe this thread is more of a "how to keep your ex in line" kind of question (?).
My kids always come first. There's no wavering on that for me. Not only because I see, hear, or read too many stories about some dumb shit some kid did, only to find out that the father isn't around. But because I am their father, and it's my job to be their father.
So how do you guys keep the balance between being or striving to be a good father, while still having your own needs met ? Not just physically, but mentally stimulating as well as having that ability to be 'spontaneous' ?