The Importance of Managing and Documenting Your Financial Affairs with Women
02-09-2017, 12:11 PM
Hello gents,
Nearly two years ago I wrote an ROK article about financially protecting yourself from women. The article was deliberately simple for two reasons: 1) it needed to be accessible to any guy reading the site (in fact, I was aiming it at novices) and 2) it's often disadvantageous to make financial advice too specific, particularly when the law typically favors a self-entitled woman.
My recent experiences have backed up the precepts of that article 1,000%. If you have not read it, I recommend you do. As far as I am concerned, if we take care of the basic stuff with women, the rest either follows or will follow with greater ease.
I had a Czech girlfriend, Krystyna, with whom I broke up a few months ago. It was a long LTR. She and her family are from Brno, the country's second city.
For the entirety of our relationship, I made it clear that I was not going to be the traditional Czech boyfriend, who shells out pretty much everything for his girl. I've spoken to a lot of Russian girls in Prague, Budapest and Katowice who call Czech, Hungarian and Polish men "cheap and Western", but, still, nothing explains the low-earning Czech or Polish man who agrees to spend a quarter to half of his income on his woman, with whom he doesn't even live.
This continues a pattern I have engaged in since my pre-game days. I have never been financially taken advantage of by a woman. Probably the "worst" experience was that a girl flaked on me one time in Hungary, when we were meant to stay together in an apartment. But it wasn't a big issue, as I'd already banged her multiple times before and it turned out she had some mental problems like BPD. I just met other girls instead and I had to stay somewhere anyway.
The rest of the deal with Krystyna was this: I come, rearrange myself to settle in CZ, and she does all the cooking, the cleaning, and other things. That was considered a) the right thing and b) a kind of interest for any time I lent her some spare cash for a trip away.
As our relationship progressed, it became clear Krystyna suffered from some moderate but legitimate anxiety issues. This first post-communist Eastern European part-generation (born 1990-1995) appears to have the problem in droves if you scratch the surface, like some sort of transitional existential crisis. Their parents are sometimes scarred by the past, but are actually much more resilient. If they don't have hidden anxiety issues, these 20-somethings can have a bitchy, gold-digger-like persona.
She also had some problems with managing details and wasn't a great planner, which I generally put down to her gender. Like even the best women, feelings ruled. Getting her to promptly arrange time off work for a trip to, say, Spain could sometimes be a bore, as it was almost as if she felt like "feelings" would get her and I there, not a Ryanair ticket.
She ended up having a bust-up at work. Later, she said she surreptitiously stole money from her employer after a dispute about entitlements. This was in the final two or three months of our relationship and I remember thinking neutrally, "Yeah, this could be over soon. I better make preparations." She was explicit, both writing to me regarding the theft (text, IMs) and also speaking at length about it in person.
Meanwhile, I had been sending money of mine to her as I normally did, clearly labeling it as mine. I had sought the advice of a lawyer friend earlier on and Krystyna and I had written agreements about how my money would be stored and used, and what she owed from various engagements we had. It was formal enough to be admissible in court (not that I wanted court) but informal enough to fly under the radar.
For those of you who question this method, I would counter that she tended to speak with hotels and landlords about our arrangements. She needed a way to pay them. That's why money was sent to her, albeit labeled as mine and able to cross-referenced with written agreements. I was not always in EE.
That said, Krystyna had put a large sum of money into our relationship, over three years more than her father earned in a single year. Many of our stays in places were funded evenly in advance, without loans.
So, after some friendly incidents with girls she began to accuse me of cheating. I denied, but then she said she wanted to pay less for the relationship and cancel some, but not all of the debts she owed me. Personally I think she was and still is going through a rough patch in relation to her future direction. Those final months she exhibited some questionable antics. She was not getting along with coworkers at times and I was, even if my frame was tight ("No bullshit, Krystyna, or I'm out"), progressively getting sick of her.
Given her revelations about stealing from her employer and some other behaviors, I declined and said I'd sooner break up than reduce the debts. And I did end up breaking up with her.
After the break-up, she was very slow to return money, most notably the money of mine that had already been sent for our future trips. The Czech banking system can be slow, as can movements to and from PayPal, but not THAT slow. I pressed her and only got some of the money back.
It turns out, angered at me breaking things off with her, she had started spending money of mine. At first, she couldn't admit it, of course. Yet this is what happened, as she conceded some time later.
Seeking to avoid a police or court situation, I contacted some mutual friends, a very select group of them so things could be kept under control. I held off contacting her family, hoping (key word: hoping) she would come round. It was really just a tactical gesture, however. I was feigning civility, so that later I could tell the authorities I gave her a reasonable time to respond and return the cash. I expected some trouble.
At the same time, a large volume of my personal belongings were also being kept at her parents'. I wasn't in CZ when I asked for a date to retrieve them back. The value is quite substantial. Thankfully, she and I had a record of my things there to help me decide what I needed to bring and buy when traveling. The lifestyle I lead makes it impossible not to leave personal belongings with people, including spare laptops, half a wardrobe, and other things.
More money, quite a lot, was returned last week. Without the information I have, this would probably not have happened.
Here are some lessons from this drama, most of which I already knew very deeply:
Women will spite themselves to try and spite you: We should already know this, but it deserves emphasis here again. Although she had to stop slandering me to others for the most part when she realised I would retaliate (with some home truths, not lies), the way this woman has dug a hole for herself to try and inconvenience me is astounding. Friends are now telling me she's saying very little about me, even though my interactions with her show she's fuming. Behind the scenes is a different story. Her refusals to take responsibility have only increased the negative things others are saying about her. Trying to be seen as right, she's being perceived as deceptive and delusional. This is all organic, too, as I haven't tried to unnecessarily fan the flames out of respect to her parents.
An ex will deny the very things she wrote you, even when other people can see them: Mutual friends came to me and asked what was going on, having heard rumors. So I showed them. They wanted to remain somewhat neutral, yet they couldn't believe the hamstering Krystyna was engaging in. "Oh, those emails and receipts you saw are fake," she told them in Czech. If that helps her day-to-day, so be it.
Families will enable an ex's stupid behavior, but you should still contact them when a dispute arises (after a while): It seems paradoxical, yet you should keep your bases covered. I waited many weeks to contact them and eventually said I wanted a resolution to avoid a police intervention. Instead of being angry at their little girl's stupidity, they blamed me for wanting my things back. I've kept my tongue fairly unexercised with them. It was good I contacted them, as it will help with any future request from police for something like a time to pick up my things. A police offer near Brno has confirmed to me that this is the right way to go.
Keep your messages and texts: I'm not talking about money and personal belongings alone. You need to be able to show someone you took reasonable steps to behave civilly. I believe she's under major pressure at the moment, slowly realizing the ramifications if I go to the police (which, again, is a matter I don't really care about pursuing). She was much more accommodating when I basically resent back to her previous, well-worded text messages about getting my belongings and money.
Don't be afraid to cause SOME controversy: I ended up calling her employer to get extra money back when she was silent. I told them flat-out I was Krystyna's ex-boyfriend and I was owed money. I didn't mention her stealing from them. I did say money had been taken from me. I offered to send proof and said that I wanted this to be resolved without the courts and the police, a process which would significantly embarrass her parents. She coughed up more money soon after. A four minute call achieved a lot more than filing a document in court would. If people find this to be over the top, so be it. But it got an outcome with minimal effort.
Always get her to put in more than you need her to: Right now I'm spending about half an hour a week on this issue. If worse comes to worse, I can walk away, aside from the police and my personal belongings. I could pursue her in the court system and get everything back, yet the effort doesn't appeal to me. She put in 200,000Kc (US$8,000) into our relationship as an Eastern European. I came out well.
Be prepared to lose some friends: I lost one fairly close friend out of this, a girl. Good riddance. You cannot win everyone over. A second girl said "I don't know if we should keep talking anymore. Maybe she just made some mistakes." I told her, "If you're not sure, then delete me from your life, figuratively and literally. I regret nothing. If you did what she did, I'd do the same with you." My don't-give-a-fuck words were congruous with my attitude. Aside from her family, everyone else, whilst not getting directly involved, has basically respected what I'm doing.
See the education in everything: I am glad this happened. I came to ROK with an outlook two years ago and it has been vindicated to the maximum in this situation. Proportionally, she's put in a lot more than me and my frame has been 9.5/10 for the whole time since we broke up. I've also been taught even better ways to handle a girl post-break-up. I jettisoned from the relationship at the perfect time and had already taken the protective measures I needed.
This is obviously only a synopsis, but I hope you guys find it informative.
David
Nearly two years ago I wrote an ROK article about financially protecting yourself from women. The article was deliberately simple for two reasons: 1) it needed to be accessible to any guy reading the site (in fact, I was aiming it at novices) and 2) it's often disadvantageous to make financial advice too specific, particularly when the law typically favors a self-entitled woman.
My recent experiences have backed up the precepts of that article 1,000%. If you have not read it, I recommend you do. As far as I am concerned, if we take care of the basic stuff with women, the rest either follows or will follow with greater ease.
I had a Czech girlfriend, Krystyna, with whom I broke up a few months ago. It was a long LTR. She and her family are from Brno, the country's second city.
For the entirety of our relationship, I made it clear that I was not going to be the traditional Czech boyfriend, who shells out pretty much everything for his girl. I've spoken to a lot of Russian girls in Prague, Budapest and Katowice who call Czech, Hungarian and Polish men "cheap and Western", but, still, nothing explains the low-earning Czech or Polish man who agrees to spend a quarter to half of his income on his woman, with whom he doesn't even live.
This continues a pattern I have engaged in since my pre-game days. I have never been financially taken advantage of by a woman. Probably the "worst" experience was that a girl flaked on me one time in Hungary, when we were meant to stay together in an apartment. But it wasn't a big issue, as I'd already banged her multiple times before and it turned out she had some mental problems like BPD. I just met other girls instead and I had to stay somewhere anyway.
The rest of the deal with Krystyna was this: I come, rearrange myself to settle in CZ, and she does all the cooking, the cleaning, and other things. That was considered a) the right thing and b) a kind of interest for any time I lent her some spare cash for a trip away.
As our relationship progressed, it became clear Krystyna suffered from some moderate but legitimate anxiety issues. This first post-communist Eastern European part-generation (born 1990-1995) appears to have the problem in droves if you scratch the surface, like some sort of transitional existential crisis. Their parents are sometimes scarred by the past, but are actually much more resilient. If they don't have hidden anxiety issues, these 20-somethings can have a bitchy, gold-digger-like persona.
She also had some problems with managing details and wasn't a great planner, which I generally put down to her gender. Like even the best women, feelings ruled. Getting her to promptly arrange time off work for a trip to, say, Spain could sometimes be a bore, as it was almost as if she felt like "feelings" would get her and I there, not a Ryanair ticket.
She ended up having a bust-up at work. Later, she said she surreptitiously stole money from her employer after a dispute about entitlements. This was in the final two or three months of our relationship and I remember thinking neutrally, "Yeah, this could be over soon. I better make preparations." She was explicit, both writing to me regarding the theft (text, IMs) and also speaking at length about it in person.
Meanwhile, I had been sending money of mine to her as I normally did, clearly labeling it as mine. I had sought the advice of a lawyer friend earlier on and Krystyna and I had written agreements about how my money would be stored and used, and what she owed from various engagements we had. It was formal enough to be admissible in court (not that I wanted court) but informal enough to fly under the radar.
For those of you who question this method, I would counter that she tended to speak with hotels and landlords about our arrangements. She needed a way to pay them. That's why money was sent to her, albeit labeled as mine and able to cross-referenced with written agreements. I was not always in EE.
That said, Krystyna had put a large sum of money into our relationship, over three years more than her father earned in a single year. Many of our stays in places were funded evenly in advance, without loans.
So, after some friendly incidents with girls she began to accuse me of cheating. I denied, but then she said she wanted to pay less for the relationship and cancel some, but not all of the debts she owed me. Personally I think she was and still is going through a rough patch in relation to her future direction. Those final months she exhibited some questionable antics. She was not getting along with coworkers at times and I was, even if my frame was tight ("No bullshit, Krystyna, or I'm out"), progressively getting sick of her.
Given her revelations about stealing from her employer and some other behaviors, I declined and said I'd sooner break up than reduce the debts. And I did end up breaking up with her.
After the break-up, she was very slow to return money, most notably the money of mine that had already been sent for our future trips. The Czech banking system can be slow, as can movements to and from PayPal, but not THAT slow. I pressed her and only got some of the money back.
It turns out, angered at me breaking things off with her, she had started spending money of mine. At first, she couldn't admit it, of course. Yet this is what happened, as she conceded some time later.
Seeking to avoid a police or court situation, I contacted some mutual friends, a very select group of them so things could be kept under control. I held off contacting her family, hoping (key word: hoping) she would come round. It was really just a tactical gesture, however. I was feigning civility, so that later I could tell the authorities I gave her a reasonable time to respond and return the cash. I expected some trouble.
At the same time, a large volume of my personal belongings were also being kept at her parents'. I wasn't in CZ when I asked for a date to retrieve them back. The value is quite substantial. Thankfully, she and I had a record of my things there to help me decide what I needed to bring and buy when traveling. The lifestyle I lead makes it impossible not to leave personal belongings with people, including spare laptops, half a wardrobe, and other things.
More money, quite a lot, was returned last week. Without the information I have, this would probably not have happened.
Here are some lessons from this drama, most of which I already knew very deeply:
Women will spite themselves to try and spite you: We should already know this, but it deserves emphasis here again. Although she had to stop slandering me to others for the most part when she realised I would retaliate (with some home truths, not lies), the way this woman has dug a hole for herself to try and inconvenience me is astounding. Friends are now telling me she's saying very little about me, even though my interactions with her show she's fuming. Behind the scenes is a different story. Her refusals to take responsibility have only increased the negative things others are saying about her. Trying to be seen as right, she's being perceived as deceptive and delusional. This is all organic, too, as I haven't tried to unnecessarily fan the flames out of respect to her parents.
An ex will deny the very things she wrote you, even when other people can see them: Mutual friends came to me and asked what was going on, having heard rumors. So I showed them. They wanted to remain somewhat neutral, yet they couldn't believe the hamstering Krystyna was engaging in. "Oh, those emails and receipts you saw are fake," she told them in Czech. If that helps her day-to-day, so be it.
Families will enable an ex's stupid behavior, but you should still contact them when a dispute arises (after a while): It seems paradoxical, yet you should keep your bases covered. I waited many weeks to contact them and eventually said I wanted a resolution to avoid a police intervention. Instead of being angry at their little girl's stupidity, they blamed me for wanting my things back. I've kept my tongue fairly unexercised with them. It was good I contacted them, as it will help with any future request from police for something like a time to pick up my things. A police offer near Brno has confirmed to me that this is the right way to go.
Keep your messages and texts: I'm not talking about money and personal belongings alone. You need to be able to show someone you took reasonable steps to behave civilly. I believe she's under major pressure at the moment, slowly realizing the ramifications if I go to the police (which, again, is a matter I don't really care about pursuing). She was much more accommodating when I basically resent back to her previous, well-worded text messages about getting my belongings and money.
Don't be afraid to cause SOME controversy: I ended up calling her employer to get extra money back when she was silent. I told them flat-out I was Krystyna's ex-boyfriend and I was owed money. I didn't mention her stealing from them. I did say money had been taken from me. I offered to send proof and said that I wanted this to be resolved without the courts and the police, a process which would significantly embarrass her parents. She coughed up more money soon after. A four minute call achieved a lot more than filing a document in court would. If people find this to be over the top, so be it. But it got an outcome with minimal effort.
Always get her to put in more than you need her to: Right now I'm spending about half an hour a week on this issue. If worse comes to worse, I can walk away, aside from the police and my personal belongings. I could pursue her in the court system and get everything back, yet the effort doesn't appeal to me. She put in 200,000Kc (US$8,000) into our relationship as an Eastern European. I came out well.
Be prepared to lose some friends: I lost one fairly close friend out of this, a girl. Good riddance. You cannot win everyone over. A second girl said "I don't know if we should keep talking anymore. Maybe she just made some mistakes." I told her, "If you're not sure, then delete me from your life, figuratively and literally. I regret nothing. If you did what she did, I'd do the same with you." My don't-give-a-fuck words were congruous with my attitude. Aside from her family, everyone else, whilst not getting directly involved, has basically respected what I'm doing.
See the education in everything: I am glad this happened. I came to ROK with an outlook two years ago and it has been vindicated to the maximum in this situation. Proportionally, she's put in a lot more than me and my frame has been 9.5/10 for the whole time since we broke up. I've also been taught even better ways to handle a girl post-break-up. I jettisoned from the relationship at the perfect time and had already taken the protective measures I needed.
This is obviously only a synopsis, but I hope you guys find it informative.
David
Born Down Under, but I enjoy Slovakian Thunder: http://slovakia.travel/en/nove-zamky