Thank you, Rhyme or Reason, for sharing this piece. I only saw this just now after another member mentioned it.
It's always a treat reading something you've written quite some time ago - like a peek into the past at things that were going through your mind in a specific time and place. I've been a hermit lately since I got back off the booze and staying hyper-focused on my fiction writing.
Which is a great place for me to be right now.
But reading this here was a reminder to me of how much I love interacting with people. I've gotten some messages about this article, and I am really flattered it had an effect on some of you guys.
Overcoming cynicism is no easy task. Like anyone else, I've had my share of times getting burnt, betrayed, cheated on, attacked, stolen from, etc...
I find that in those times where it allowed me to become more "realistic" in my interactions with others, I began walking around with a dark cloud over my life that affected myself more than anyone else, that held me down more than it held off any threats I was hoping to avoid.
Life has dealt me some tough hands and I've been on the receiving end of the worst in people, which has certainly wavered my faith in humanity from time to time. But somehow or another I always find it in me to come back looking at the positive to an extreme some might find naive. I'll tell you one thing - I always feel better and see more success in life when I do.
I have my defenses and walls like anyone else. I tend to treat people like I'm expecting the best but yet inside stay somewhat unattached to outcome, so if they do let me down, I won't be too disappointed. And I try to be forgiving when they fail because we're all just human - I myself have failed more times than I can count.
It can be a tough balance to strike - guarding your own interests while opening yourself to the abundance of everyday interactions. I really think the best advice I can give on the matter is that you have to grow unattached to the outcome as much as possible and be confident in your own ability to adapt to whatever transpires as a result. The best way to prepare for the unexpected is not to make it go away but to be skilled in living with unpredictability.
Stoic philosophy is a good place to start. Here's a great one from The Last of the Good Emperors himself:
Observe how he finds peace with others not by ignoring the wickedness and ignorance they are capable of but instead acknowledging and even expecting it. He talks about how living in a state of "aversion" just obstructs your ability to work with others and your own ability to live a more evolved life. You have to cooperate with others to get anything done anyways, and to get through your daily life, so you might as well accept all facets of their nature.
This is much like the practice of meditating on your inevitable death as a way to free yourself of the fear of mortality. If you try to avoid death, you will constantly live in avoidance of danger and lose all opportunity to live, maybe even the ability to enjoy.
If you focus on your death and then accept it, and live in spite of it, you find the courage to make the most of your time here.
I certainly haven't mastered life, but I find returning to these basic principles always works for me.
It's always a treat reading something you've written quite some time ago - like a peek into the past at things that were going through your mind in a specific time and place. I've been a hermit lately since I got back off the booze and staying hyper-focused on my fiction writing.
Which is a great place for me to be right now.
But reading this here was a reminder to me of how much I love interacting with people. I've gotten some messages about this article, and I am really flattered it had an effect on some of you guys.
Overcoming cynicism is no easy task. Like anyone else, I've had my share of times getting burnt, betrayed, cheated on, attacked, stolen from, etc...
I find that in those times where it allowed me to become more "realistic" in my interactions with others, I began walking around with a dark cloud over my life that affected myself more than anyone else, that held me down more than it held off any threats I was hoping to avoid.
Life has dealt me some tough hands and I've been on the receiving end of the worst in people, which has certainly wavered my faith in humanity from time to time. But somehow or another I always find it in me to come back looking at the positive to an extreme some might find naive. I'll tell you one thing - I always feel better and see more success in life when I do.
I have my defenses and walls like anyone else. I tend to treat people like I'm expecting the best but yet inside stay somewhat unattached to outcome, so if they do let me down, I won't be too disappointed. And I try to be forgiving when they fail because we're all just human - I myself have failed more times than I can count.
It can be a tough balance to strike - guarding your own interests while opening yourself to the abundance of everyday interactions. I really think the best advice I can give on the matter is that you have to grow unattached to the outcome as much as possible and be confident in your own ability to adapt to whatever transpires as a result. The best way to prepare for the unexpected is not to make it go away but to be skilled in living with unpredictability.
Stoic philosophy is a good place to start. Here's a great one from The Last of the Good Emperors himself:
Quote:Quote:
“Begin each day by telling yourself: Today I shall be meeting with interference, ingratitude, insolence, disloyalty, ill-will, and selfishness – all of them due to the offenders’ ignorance of what is good or evil. But for my part I have long perceived the nature of good and its nobility, the nature of evil and its meanness, and also the nature of the culprit himself, who is my brother (not in the physical sense, but as a fellow creature similarly endowed with reason and a share of the divine); therefore none of those things can injure me, for nobody can implicate me in what is degrading. Neither can I be angry with my brother or fall foul of him; for he and I were born to work together, like a man’s two hands, feet or eyelids, or the upper and lower rows of his teeth. To obstruct each other is against Nature’s law – and what is irritation or aversion but a form of obstruction.”
― Marcus Aurelius, Meditations
Observe how he finds peace with others not by ignoring the wickedness and ignorance they are capable of but instead acknowledging and even expecting it. He talks about how living in a state of "aversion" just obstructs your ability to work with others and your own ability to live a more evolved life. You have to cooperate with others to get anything done anyways, and to get through your daily life, so you might as well accept all facets of their nature.
This is much like the practice of meditating on your inevitable death as a way to free yourself of the fear of mortality. If you try to avoid death, you will constantly live in avoidance of danger and lose all opportunity to live, maybe even the ability to enjoy.
If you focus on your death and then accept it, and live in spite of it, you find the courage to make the most of your time here.
I certainly haven't mastered life, but I find returning to these basic principles always works for me.
Beyond All Seas
"The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe.
To be your own man is a hard business. If you try it, you'll be lonely often, and sometimes
frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself." - Kipling
"The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe.
To be your own man is a hard business. If you try it, you'll be lonely often, and sometimes
frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself." - Kipling