Quote: (02-12-2017 06:18 AM)Tytalus Wrote:
Among the married men who are comfortable sharing, how did you meet your wife?
Through a dating site strongly oriented towards people who wanted to marry.
I didn't really think there were any reliable ones around. All I know if match.com and eHarmony, but those, if I recall correctly, are pay sites and have variable results.
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What was it about her, that made you decide she was wife and mother of your children?
Shared religion, good person, could sing and liked kids. Also had been a professional baby sitter. Was pretty enough at the time, and not too small. I never liked women so small that they look like a pregnancy would make them explode or have to have a c-section. Now I know better.
How was she a good person?
What do you know better?
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Why did you choose that (or those) quality above others as the most important?
Singing and being a babysitter. I had found someone who still liked kids after working 60 hours a week with them.
Smart! I like it.
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What did your parents/family say about her? Was she a good fit for you/your family? Were you a good fit for hers?
Great fit all around. The only issue my parents had (which I wished they had pushed me harder on) was the history of mental illness. blew up in my face after the second baby with post partum depression.
Oh my. How did you deal with and move past that?
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Did you guys discuss how you'd raise children, have them visit family once or twice a year?
Absolutely.
Are you guys old school? Could you elaborate on how you guys chose to raise your children?
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Was there any long distance in the relationship at all?
Initially yes. We talked for a few months via phone cards and had great conversations. In fact, going back to your earlier questions, one of the reasons I married her is that we went through a pre marriage workbook that we both owned before knowing each other.
What's a pre-marriage work book?
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How long did you date before you married her?
about 10 months.
For me, that is a quick turn around. What made you so sure she was worthy of being your wife and mother of your children?
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What kind of wedding ceremony did you have?
Simple but not spartan. My parents paid $8k for the wedding. Hers paid about $8k in travel tickets, so it worked out to be amenable between our families.
That's great that both families were able to nearly completely split the costs.
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Did you test her at all?
No, not enough. In terms of values and morals? Yes. In terms of life habits and goals? Not enough.
I didn't value my own advice to myself enough over my feelings. I didn't test her on how serious she was about excercise and diet. She has blown up about +80 lbs after getting married and went from a curvy to actively "whale-like". I find her weight to be an embarrasment. She went from being a 6, 7 on a good day to a 3 or 4. Now I end up staying up late because I don't want to go to bed with her. I have to wait until I'm too horny to think straight or I'm not interested in sex with her in a physical sense.
Wish I hadn't married her and would not do it all over again for her. Love my 5 kids though, and can't afford a divorce or I'd be gone. Also much more complex with a lot of kids.
In hindsight, what really caught my eye is that we would talk (I thought) and she wanted a family and to be married. We got along really well on values... What I didn't think through was how compatible we would be in terms of interests and activities. I also had poor game and a porn addiction. Porn has caused me alot of problems over time and wish I never developed the habit of looking at it or reading erotica. I've managed my addiction over the years to be more functional but it's still a problem. My biggest reason for marrying in hindsight was I had just gotten too fucking lonely and she was the first girl to come along that was suitable.
Guys, don't marry a woman because you're lonely. It's just as bad as thinking only with your dick.
Good solid advice in there. Sorry to hear about your wife, but at least she gave you 5 healthy kids.
What problems did the addiction cause you? How did your manage it?
G