I'm going to give you some tough love here.
It's not her. It's you.
Let me quote a few things from your rant:
Nope. Uh-uh. Negative.
I've had several multi-year relationships with chicks that NEVER "ball-busted". And I am NOT the epitome of Alpha. I'm no Don Draper. What I do differently than you is select wisely. I pick girls who are humble, submissive, and compassionate for my LTR's. Every man is different. Some men LIKE ball-busting girls. They see them as "challenging". Not me. When I want a challenge, I hunt for new pussy. LTR's are made for relaxation.
Expensive? A live-in LTR should be SAVING you money. Unless she's a stay at home housewife, in which case, why isn't she working if you aren't married? Boring, stressful, sure, I can see that. Suffocating, again, comes down to your selection and also the size of your dwelling. You might need a bigger place in order to accept an live in with a girl. Every man is different.
This is the part where I'm going to give some tough love. Bare with me.
There are two reasons this could be the case. Either the women you were with prior to this one were simply not interesting/attractive/etc enough, i.e. the women you typically sleep with aren't intriguing enough for you to want to spend the night with, OR you have some kind of mental block regarding commitment with women.
And if it's the latter, it's ok. I have it too.
Personally, sticking to one girl scares the shit out of me. If you get comfortable, and stop banging other girls, at any given moment she can decide to leave, take your shit, take your kids (if you have any) and just start banging some other man or men. And bam, your life as you knew it is OVER.
But at the end of the day, YOU are in control over your OWN mind, your OWN destiny, your OWN choices. CHOOSE the right girl. CHOOSE the right environment (country, city, house, school, etc) CHOOSE your mindset.
It doesn't matter if the girl is the perfect unicorn if YOU are too fucked up to appreciate it. There's a lot of talk about how damaged women in the west are, and with good reason. What's seldom discussed is how damaged WE are.
Most of the men on this forum, probably 70% easily, have some sort of inner demons they haven't confronted. Maybe it was growing up without a father figure. Maybe they have a shitty relationship with their mothers. Maybe we were just fucked over one too many times by that "special girl" we gave our hearts to. No matter what the reason is, most of us have some unresolved shit that affect the way we think, deal with, and treat women everyday.
I'm not saying we don't have the RIGHT to feel this way, I'm not saying it's ILLOGICAL. I'm just saying IT IS. And the sooner you recognize it, the better off you'll be.
First, I don't think you've found a unicorn. If she really was a unicorn, she wouldn't be constantly busting your balls and adding stress to your life. GOOD women GIVE more than they TAKE. Period. The other possibility is she IS a unicorn, and you're unable to recognize or appreciate it because of YOUR fucked up headspace. I've been there too. Either way, figure out which it is and react accordingly.
You're absolutely spot on. Take it from someone who just ended a 2 year LTR where she lived with me for 18 months. The first couple of months are amazing, but after that, you'll start getting bored with her, sexually, conversationally, etc. You'll start neglecting her, ignoring her even when she's in the same room, etc. Eventually she'll get tired of this and get her needs met elsewhere.
I don't think infidelity is the be-all-end-all answer to this problem. It helps, certainly. But you need more than just cheating to fix the problem.
Relationships are two-way transactions. You have to give and take. Honestly, sometimes it helps to just schedule a date night every week. It sounds beta as fuck, but if you want the relationship to keep from getting stale, it needs to be done. Otherwise you'll just neglect her and she'll get tired of that. Like you said, THIS SHIT IS HARD WORK.
Perhaps you aren't ready for that. That's ok. I found out the hard way I'm not yet ready either. But if you DO decide you want this woman to be the mother of your kids, recognize it's the way things are. It doesn't get easier. I think the ultimate goal of a relationship is to provide more fulfillment than simply fucking random girls can provide. But nothing in life is free. EVERYTHING has it's price. It's ultimately up to you to decide whether if it's a price worth paying.
It's not her. It's you.
Let me quote a few things from your rant:
Quote:Quote:
Few men would give up their freedom, subject themselves to ball-busting (which I don't care how alpha you are, your chick will put you through this)
Nope. Uh-uh. Negative.
I've had several multi-year relationships with chicks that NEVER "ball-busted". And I am NOT the epitome of Alpha. I'm no Don Draper. What I do differently than you is select wisely. I pick girls who are humble, submissive, and compassionate for my LTR's. Every man is different. Some men LIKE ball-busting girls. They see them as "challenging". Not me. When I want a challenge, I hunt for new pussy. LTR's are made for relaxation.
Quote:Quote:
It's expensive, stressful, boring, encroaching, suffocating.
Expensive? A live-in LTR should be SAVING you money. Unless she's a stay at home housewife, in which case, why isn't she working if you aren't married? Boring, stressful, sure, I can see that. Suffocating, again, comes down to your selection and also the size of your dwelling. You might need a bigger place in order to accept an live in with a girl. Every man is different.
This is the part where I'm going to give some tough love. Bare with me.
Quote:Quote:
Prior to her I didn't even let girls spend the night, let alone stay with me.
There are two reasons this could be the case. Either the women you were with prior to this one were simply not interesting/attractive/etc enough, i.e. the women you typically sleep with aren't intriguing enough for you to want to spend the night with, OR you have some kind of mental block regarding commitment with women.
And if it's the latter, it's ok. I have it too.
Personally, sticking to one girl scares the shit out of me. If you get comfortable, and stop banging other girls, at any given moment she can decide to leave, take your shit, take your kids (if you have any) and just start banging some other man or men. And bam, your life as you knew it is OVER.
But at the end of the day, YOU are in control over your OWN mind, your OWN destiny, your OWN choices. CHOOSE the right girl. CHOOSE the right environment (country, city, house, school, etc) CHOOSE your mindset.
It doesn't matter if the girl is the perfect unicorn if YOU are too fucked up to appreciate it. There's a lot of talk about how damaged women in the west are, and with good reason. What's seldom discussed is how damaged WE are.
Most of the men on this forum, probably 70% easily, have some sort of inner demons they haven't confronted. Maybe it was growing up without a father figure. Maybe they have a shitty relationship with their mothers. Maybe we were just fucked over one too many times by that "special girl" we gave our hearts to. No matter what the reason is, most of us have some unresolved shit that affect the way we think, deal with, and treat women everyday.
I'm not saying we don't have the RIGHT to feel this way, I'm not saying it's ILLOGICAL. I'm just saying IT IS. And the sooner you recognize it, the better off you'll be.
Quote:Quote:
If you've found a honest to goodness unicorn, the dynamic will get stale in a matter of months I don't care how wonderous she is.
First, I don't think you've found a unicorn. If she really was a unicorn, she wouldn't be constantly busting your balls and adding stress to your life. GOOD women GIVE more than they TAKE. Period. The other possibility is she IS a unicorn, and you're unable to recognize or appreciate it because of YOUR fucked up headspace. I've been there too. Either way, figure out which it is and react accordingly.
Quote:Quote:
And if you're used to constant variety it's not an easy transition to make, and not one that makes any sense anyway.
You're absolutely spot on. Take it from someone who just ended a 2 year LTR where she lived with me for 18 months. The first couple of months are amazing, but after that, you'll start getting bored with her, sexually, conversationally, etc. You'll start neglecting her, ignoring her even when she's in the same room, etc. Eventually she'll get tired of this and get her needs met elsewhere.
I don't think infidelity is the be-all-end-all answer to this problem. It helps, certainly. But you need more than just cheating to fix the problem.
Relationships are two-way transactions. You have to give and take. Honestly, sometimes it helps to just schedule a date night every week. It sounds beta as fuck, but if you want the relationship to keep from getting stale, it needs to be done. Otherwise you'll just neglect her and she'll get tired of that. Like you said, THIS SHIT IS HARD WORK.
Perhaps you aren't ready for that. That's ok. I found out the hard way I'm not yet ready either. But if you DO decide you want this woman to be the mother of your kids, recognize it's the way things are. It doesn't get easier. I think the ultimate goal of a relationship is to provide more fulfillment than simply fucking random girls can provide. But nothing in life is free. EVERYTHING has it's price. It's ultimately up to you to decide whether if it's a price worth paying.