I was a shy kid growing up. It always really bothered me. So over the years I've made a significant effort to get my act together. Started working out, got a college education, and left my home in the Midwest to move out East to NYC. I eventually got a job as a sales manager at a startup company and helped them grow the team out to the point where I now have a team of 15 people I am managing. I'm 27.
So why am I posting this? I met a girl when I first moved to NYC. We dated for a year and half and I need help determining whether I've lost a great girl or if this chick would have been trouble later on down the line.
She was very sweet and caring towards me for the entire first year we dated. Because of all the stuff I've read on sosuave, here and rollo's blog I felt I held a pretty strong frame with her. She would constantly text me first, buy me things and was coming over to my place 2-3 times a week for sex. It was great. And again, I could do no wrong. 5 months into the relationship I accidentally forgot her birthday and she didn't get mad at all, which I thought was strange. Also at 5 months into our relationship I had to get surgery at the dentists office and she insisted on coming, which again I thought was strange. But again, I felt like I could do no wrong with this woman and it was a great feeling.
Her background: She comes from a bit of a dysfunctional family. Her and her Mom are close but her Mom hates her Dad. I only met her family once but the Dad wasn't there. I'm not even sure he lives with them. This girl was a very outspoken feminist and would occasionally slip in comments into our conversations how women are not appreciated or given their fair share in the workplace and about how men have disrespected women for years and years. I would call her out on this stuff and tell her how I didn't want her bringing it up anymore (again, trying to keep a strong frame), and she would comply and even act embarrassed for bringing these types of topics up.
In retrospect I don't think I gave her enough confirmation that I wanted to keep her around in the relationship because after about a year she started pulling back a bit. I could sense she was losing interest so I broke up with her. My thought here was that by doing this I would reengage her interest in me but she immediately agreed she thought this would be a good idea and went ghost on me.
Now again, this was my first ever relationship and her acting as if she was completely fine with moving on really f*cked with my head and I turned into a mega chump. I called her a few days later and told her that I had made a mistake and that I wanted her back. She very coldly refused and said we needed space. A few weeks went by and I sent her a text saying how badly I missed her and that I wanted to talk to her again. She agreed and I called her later that night. I'll never forget that call because it was as if she was a completely different person. This sweet, caring articulate girl I had know for a year was suddenly using slang and talking like some ghetto chick from NYC. It was unbelievable. She was angry because she felt like I treated her as a f*ck buddy and nothing more during the course of our relationship.
I'm not proud of this but I kept begging her for another chance and she finally agreed. The first time we were together after that she was different. She was intentionally saying a-lot of feminist things and was using sex as a bargaining chip now. Saying we were going to take things slow this time and that I needed to wait before I could have sex with her again. I noticed that she also had blue streaks in her hair now. I asked her why she did that and she said because it looked pretty. It looked bizarre to me.
A few weeks went by and we started having sex again and she started becoming more submissive and caring like she used to be. Started buying me things again. I moved into a new apartment and she bought the bed sheets, candles, shower curtains, etc. She even bought me a $120 watch for my birthday. The sex was good. She has always been very submissive during sex and enjoyed all the different positions I wanted to f*ck her in and enjoyed getting facials. It was back to how it used to be and great.
Until I caught her texting some other guy. She claimed I shouldn't worry about this guy and never hid or protected her phone from me, but I was so insecure that I checked her phone later that night while she was in the shower and while the texts weren't too bad he was definitely flirting with her. I called her out on this and she told me that he was some guy from work who had flirted with her in the past and that I shouldn't worry because she told him about me being her boyfriend.
This may have been fine before I took the red pill but I definitely know something was up here. I kept asking her why she would put this guy's # in her phone if he had been flirting with her at work and she just gave me this "I don't know" look.
We had a big fight and she coldly dumped me the next day telling me that she wanted me to leave her alone or that she would call the police. All this after we had got back together and made a promise to really give this relationship a better shot. Not just a f*ck buddy thing but we talking about moving in together and her visiting my parents with me in Indiana. And now nothing, except "leave me alone".
Again, this was my first relationship and I'm going to use this experience as a way to better myself moving forward. But does this girl sound like Long term marriage quality or am I just caught up in thinking she was something she really wasn't?
Thanks
So why am I posting this? I met a girl when I first moved to NYC. We dated for a year and half and I need help determining whether I've lost a great girl or if this chick would have been trouble later on down the line.
She was very sweet and caring towards me for the entire first year we dated. Because of all the stuff I've read on sosuave, here and rollo's blog I felt I held a pretty strong frame with her. She would constantly text me first, buy me things and was coming over to my place 2-3 times a week for sex. It was great. And again, I could do no wrong. 5 months into the relationship I accidentally forgot her birthday and she didn't get mad at all, which I thought was strange. Also at 5 months into our relationship I had to get surgery at the dentists office and she insisted on coming, which again I thought was strange. But again, I felt like I could do no wrong with this woman and it was a great feeling.
Her background: She comes from a bit of a dysfunctional family. Her and her Mom are close but her Mom hates her Dad. I only met her family once but the Dad wasn't there. I'm not even sure he lives with them. This girl was a very outspoken feminist and would occasionally slip in comments into our conversations how women are not appreciated or given their fair share in the workplace and about how men have disrespected women for years and years. I would call her out on this stuff and tell her how I didn't want her bringing it up anymore (again, trying to keep a strong frame), and she would comply and even act embarrassed for bringing these types of topics up.
In retrospect I don't think I gave her enough confirmation that I wanted to keep her around in the relationship because after about a year she started pulling back a bit. I could sense she was losing interest so I broke up with her. My thought here was that by doing this I would reengage her interest in me but she immediately agreed she thought this would be a good idea and went ghost on me.
Now again, this was my first ever relationship and her acting as if she was completely fine with moving on really f*cked with my head and I turned into a mega chump. I called her a few days later and told her that I had made a mistake and that I wanted her back. She very coldly refused and said we needed space. A few weeks went by and I sent her a text saying how badly I missed her and that I wanted to talk to her again. She agreed and I called her later that night. I'll never forget that call because it was as if she was a completely different person. This sweet, caring articulate girl I had know for a year was suddenly using slang and talking like some ghetto chick from NYC. It was unbelievable. She was angry because she felt like I treated her as a f*ck buddy and nothing more during the course of our relationship.
I'm not proud of this but I kept begging her for another chance and she finally agreed. The first time we were together after that she was different. She was intentionally saying a-lot of feminist things and was using sex as a bargaining chip now. Saying we were going to take things slow this time and that I needed to wait before I could have sex with her again. I noticed that she also had blue streaks in her hair now. I asked her why she did that and she said because it looked pretty. It looked bizarre to me.
A few weeks went by and we started having sex again and she started becoming more submissive and caring like she used to be. Started buying me things again. I moved into a new apartment and she bought the bed sheets, candles, shower curtains, etc. She even bought me a $120 watch for my birthday. The sex was good. She has always been very submissive during sex and enjoyed all the different positions I wanted to f*ck her in and enjoyed getting facials. It was back to how it used to be and great.
Until I caught her texting some other guy. She claimed I shouldn't worry about this guy and never hid or protected her phone from me, but I was so insecure that I checked her phone later that night while she was in the shower and while the texts weren't too bad he was definitely flirting with her. I called her out on this and she told me that he was some guy from work who had flirted with her in the past and that I shouldn't worry because she told him about me being her boyfriend.
This may have been fine before I took the red pill but I definitely know something was up here. I kept asking her why she would put this guy's # in her phone if he had been flirting with her at work and she just gave me this "I don't know" look.
We had a big fight and she coldly dumped me the next day telling me that she wanted me to leave her alone or that she would call the police. All this after we had got back together and made a promise to really give this relationship a better shot. Not just a f*ck buddy thing but we talking about moving in together and her visiting my parents with me in Indiana. And now nothing, except "leave me alone".
Again, this was my first relationship and I'm going to use this experience as a way to better myself moving forward. But does this girl sound like Long term marriage quality or am I just caught up in thinking she was something she really wasn't?
Thanks