Quote: (09-23-2016 05:53 AM)TornadoByProxy Wrote:
Just be true to yourself. Have a firm handshake. Speak confidently when you do speak. And don't beat yourself up when you make social faux passes.
Remember, some of those people who called you shy may have picked up on the fact that you consider it a negative and want to cut you down. Girls not interested in you will call you shy as a negative to push you away.
There is nothing wrong with being shy. It is often an advantage. Shy people don't make fools of themselves in important situations.
And everybody gets nervous in important situations like interviews. Your nervousness shows that you are a normal person, not a psychopath. So be happy about that.
If it really bothers you, start with building a simple habit to put your mind at ease. In every conversation try to make 1 good point. Don't put pressure on yourself to be the center of attention. Just focus on finding that 1 good point to make and count it as a success. From there you should be able to grow.
Good luck.
Quote: (09-26-2016 01:05 PM)MediumRare Wrote:
^^^ is good.
Introspection is good from time to time but too much is like trying to drive while looking at yourself in the rear view mirror.
It's not easy but try to shift your focus away from yourself and onto others and the situation in front of you.
Stop analysing youself in realtime, judging your own comments or actions as good or bad, let others do that as they will probably be far less critical than your own inner judge!
Its passive behaviour and you will come across as unsure of yourself causing others to be unsure of you too.
You will also be more easily influenced and lose social power which is what I think you are after in certain situations.
Try to almost forget about yourself, about doing anything right or wrong (because barring the extremes there is no objective right or wrong, there is just you)
Once you do your mind will be clearer to fully engage with people and the flow of conversations going on, rather than mentally observing everything from the outside, wondering what you 'should' say or do next.
You will fuck up, but keep going and take cues from people on the hoof and calibrate.
Don't retreat into your head every time you do and you will learn to fuck up less and less.
If some people really don't connect with the real you, that's ok, just move on and keep looking for people that do.
The more you can express your authentic self tho, the more people will like you, not for who you are or aren't, but just for simply being an authentic individual.
This positive reinforcement will cause you to like yourself more so you relax and express yourself more, leading to being liked more in a kind of virtuous circle.
The more comfortable you become in your own skin, the more power you will have in social situations.
For me this has grown with age.
Thanks for the replies guys. These two posts are completely on point. I think I am too hard on myself and I do judge social interactions to a micro level where it gets to the point of over-analyzing. This is in real time and after, I tend to remunerate on things days after, which gets too much sometimes and I tend to only realize it when I'm conscious of it.
It would depend on the day but there are some days where I act confidently but after days of essentially filling my head with shit there would be days where I am a bit off. What you said about retreating in my head is true and I will now be aware of it and be more in the present and not delve on social situations. Yes, that mental observing is a real killer for me.