Quote: (05-28-2016 08:36 PM)egionesco Wrote:
Because they are weak and it makes them feel good about themselves.
A girl should not know you are pining for her. And you shouldn't be; even though sometimes it's impossible not to, you need to pretend you've moved on so that you actually do move on.
You might be onto something here. In particular, borderlines are very good at convincing naive guys that they've found their soulmates. Their skill at manipulating people into believing their delusions, and falling in love with them, is arguably their only strength. They're not able to remain stable enough to accomplish anything else. In the short term, though, they're able to put on a convincing appearance of being the perfect lover, wife, etc. and mixing the lies with just enough truth to be persuasive.
The borderlines I've known, when they looked back on their lives, took the most pride in (1) getting guys to fall for them, and (2) getting revenge on those guys later, whether by divorcing them, getting them locked up in jail, etc. These women couldn't control their emotions or discipline themselves well enough to hold a job, have a stable relationship, or do anything else constructive. But they loved the feeling of having so much power over men's emotions, whether to (1) seduce them into committing to a long-term relationship, or to (2) devastate their emotions and lives (which invariably is accomplished through manipulation, e.g. manipulating cops and judges to believe he was an abuser). They blame the guy for the relationship's failure, and feel proud to have wrecked him in retaliation, and maybe even gotten him to blame himself for the wreckage by convincing him of the truth of her delusions.
I'd think the way a guy would end up pining for a non-borderline, though, would be if he didn't realize that there are a lot of chicks out there who are just as good, or if his game sucked so much that he didn't know how to access those chicks. Our culture encourages a belief in "true love" that is really glorified one-itis, and it discourages the learning of game (at least in any systematic way), so no wonder guys end up in this situation.
From what I've seen, girls are actually much more stalker-ish than guys, constantly snooping into their stuff, whether the relationship is still a going concern, or if he's now an ex. Girls continue to be so interested in what their exes are thinking, that they'll go out of their way to stalk them online. The guy loses no matter what he does, because if he moves on, that means she didn't matter enough to him for him to be properly devastated for the rest of his life (which means he was just a cad all along); but if he doesn't move on, that means he's a weirdo stalker. Either way, it's an opportunity to stir up some kind of drama, because of course the end of the relationship is always the guy's fault (regardless of who dumped whom or why; if she behaved badly in the relationship, it was because he provoked her).
When the guy continues to pine for her, then her publicly shooing him away becomes an opportunity to rehash how she was victimized and how he continues to victimize her. She can play the damsel in distress, a role that society tolerates women playing, and attract beta orbiters to "rescue" her. The fact that this guy wants her also highlights how desirable she is.
In reality, though, there's no way a woman can escape the fact that if the relationship ended, for whatever reason, it's because the situation didn't go according to plan. If she intended to just have a short-term fling, that would make her a slut; but if she intended to have a long-term relationship, and it didn't work out that way, then she either picked a guy who wasn't LTR material, or she did something to destroy a relationship that otherwise could've worked. As she accumulates more and more breakups on her record, it becomes evident that either her taste isn't improving, or her relationship skills still suck.
But eventually she ends up so old that she's washed up anyway, so it doesn't even matter whose fault the breakups were, except to the extent she still uses them to garner sympathy. E.g., an 80-year-old borderline will still tell everyone, within five minutes of meeting them, "My husband used to beat me," even though he's been dead for decades. It's a test to see if they're going to sympathize; if so, then they're a ripe target for manipulation. She never had anything to offer, and she still doesn't, but she'll put on a surface appearance of it by expressing sympathy for their small problems, token concern for their well-being, etc. so that it's hard for people to regard her as anything other than well-meaning and kind.