Hello all,
I am coming to you about a matter that I do not know how to process. Approximately three years ago in college, I impregnated a female after a night of sleepy drunk unprotected sex. She was my girlfriend at the time, and I had no intentions of making her anything other than that. Her behavior was slutty, and though she wasn't yet a slut, I had managed to snatch her out of a 3 year relationship, and utilize her well for my sexual needs. I was her third notch count.
We have a 3 year old son now. I've tried to commit to her, I tried to establish a family unit, and I tried to make things work. I found her to be more focused on the pleasantries of the day to day, and less on the future of our family and its security. She required an extensive amount of emotional support, more than I could provide. the relationship became an on and off relationship, as I used the time off to better try and understand her needs and work on myself as man who would one day become a father.
It failed. Three years of my efforts, and fuck ups. She told me a couple of days ago that she's dating now. I'm torn up. I've already without a court order agreed to provide her with 17% of my net income as child support. But I can't be a father to this child beyond that. I can't watch in horror as my son watches his mother gets fucked by dozens of men over the years as she becomes alpha widowed or whatever happens in that situation. I can't be a father to him, knowing that he will be more influenced by her than by me, and may become something that I loathe as I have children with a wife. I can't be a father knowing very well that she can manipulate the circumstances of my relationship with him, and may interfere in the equality of our co-parenting of which she has indicated in the past that it will never be equal. None of the wisdom I've accumulated has helped me in preparation for the complexity of this, the morality of it. I financially provide for him, but our society will look unfavorably upon me for not wanting to be subject to this fuckery. I love this kid, and that's because I was there to raise him initially. That's the problem.
Do you have any advice?
I am coming to you about a matter that I do not know how to process. Approximately three years ago in college, I impregnated a female after a night of sleepy drunk unprotected sex. She was my girlfriend at the time, and I had no intentions of making her anything other than that. Her behavior was slutty, and though she wasn't yet a slut, I had managed to snatch her out of a 3 year relationship, and utilize her well for my sexual needs. I was her third notch count.
We have a 3 year old son now. I've tried to commit to her, I tried to establish a family unit, and I tried to make things work. I found her to be more focused on the pleasantries of the day to day, and less on the future of our family and its security. She required an extensive amount of emotional support, more than I could provide. the relationship became an on and off relationship, as I used the time off to better try and understand her needs and work on myself as man who would one day become a father.
It failed. Three years of my efforts, and fuck ups. She told me a couple of days ago that she's dating now. I'm torn up. I've already without a court order agreed to provide her with 17% of my net income as child support. But I can't be a father to this child beyond that. I can't watch in horror as my son watches his mother gets fucked by dozens of men over the years as she becomes alpha widowed or whatever happens in that situation. I can't be a father to him, knowing that he will be more influenced by her than by me, and may become something that I loathe as I have children with a wife. I can't be a father knowing very well that she can manipulate the circumstances of my relationship with him, and may interfere in the equality of our co-parenting of which she has indicated in the past that it will never be equal. None of the wisdom I've accumulated has helped me in preparation for the complexity of this, the morality of it. I financially provide for him, but our society will look unfavorably upon me for not wanting to be subject to this fuckery. I love this kid, and that's because I was there to raise him initially. That's the problem.
Do you have any advice?