Quote: (01-10-2016 10:33 PM)YardDog Wrote:
Quote: (01-07-2016 08:06 AM)H1N1 Wrote:
Interesting stuff. I tend to dress pretty smart - generally I'll wear chinos or dark jeans, chelsea boots/loafers/smart boat shoes, an open button-down-collar shirt, and a soft jacket still with good shape, or sometimes a livelier tweed jacke (I'm from a 'good', traditional background in England). Real dress down for me is to wear a more country, thicker cotton, work-shirt (usually with some kind of distinctive but classic twist) with a slightly fashionable jumper, with decent jeans like levis, and loafers.
This has been very effective for me, I get much more attention now, I think because it is congruent with my personality. My vibe is far more of the withdrawn intellectual than the fun-loving party boy. When I used to dress like a fun loving party boy, I didn't do particularly well, despite being tall, relatively muscular, and conventionally handsome. It wasn't congruent with my demeanor, and girls could smell it a mile off. They are much more attuned to these things than we are, generally. I clung to that look because it showed that I was fit, and I saw myself as a tough guy (I was a boxer and a soldier). The problem was that because I smiled a lot, was thoughtful, open, and enthusiastic, but withdrawn from normal conversation and only really lighting up at the more substantial stuff, I didn't seem congruent.
Since embracing the wardrobe change, I've also found my natural character developing and showing itself far more regularly. I used to be very charismatic and charming, as a child, but I lost sight of it when I started thinking and dressing like I was something I was not - the party-boy/bad-boy. Because I looked like something I wasn't, I altered my demeanor, and left my good qualities to rot in the weeds, whilst trying to compete with qualities that did not come naturally to me with other guys who were far more congruent.
I think we often underestimate just how much potential our outward presentation can affect how we see ourselves, and how true to our own natures we are.
Good post. What was this other style you were into? What is party boy style to you?
I just wore the usual jeans and a t-shirt look. You know, the dress like everyone else, get results like everyone else thing. Party boy was probably the wrong expression, as I've never had a trendy hair cut, a tattoo or a piercing, so my dress code was mild by comparison. Being from a good background, and well spoken, I was insecure about dressing up, as I wanted to come across as one of the lads, so I always probably looked scruffy, or unremarkable at best, without looking good (other than looking fit and healthy and whatever positive physical attributes I had).
Boxing was very helpful for me in this regard, as I'd always been brought up to be pretty tough (my family are very tough and accomplished (militarily/boxing-wise) indeed on both sides), but given that most of my friends and the circles I moved in were extremely privileged, they were all pretty soft. I had a few friends I could play-scrap with, but I had the beating of them all from an early age, so I didn't really have a meaningful source of feedback. Consequently, I had an idea of myself, a certain sense of my innate ability and the consequences of how I was raised, but no means of testing it or finding out for certain whether I was legitimate, or just pretending to be more dangerous than I really was. This was exacerbated by the fact that I was lucky enough to be born pretty good-looking, but baby faced, so I had many soft friends who assumed I wasn't tough because I was polite and smile-y. Consequently, I had a fairly disassociated sense of self, and was too concerned with trying to appear tough, which, as anyone who has met me would say, is a fruitless endeavor. Once I took up boxing, aged 18, and was able to get meaningful feedback on my resilience and capacity for meanness (albeit within a restrictive rule set), I realised that tough, capable guys that were my equal in an alien environment (as opposed to the men who influenced my upbringing and taught me certain things, who always had my best interests in mind, and were not impartial) felt that I was a capable fighter, and not at all out of place in their company.
This gave me the confidence, and the certainty of self, to dress as I was inclined to. Even after all these years, having done hundreds of rounds with great fighters, been a soldier, and various other things, I still have friends who smoke, drink, don't train and who've never been in a fight tell me they reckon one of their mates is pretty tough and would kick my arse. Before, that would of bothered me, now it just makes me smile. Just part of growing up, I suppose, and perhaps that is why I now find it easier to dress like a grown up.