I read the opinions here (before HenryM posted) and was actually optimistic that she might be responsive since we had so much in common and she gave me so many signs of interest before the latter half of date 3. So, I called her up again and left a casual voicemail about meeting up again, saying that I still had another bottle of wine and the ice cream she brought over. She calls me back ten minutes later and we talk on the phone about what we're doing that weekend, and then when I go to ask if she's free, she drops the usual line that I hear nearly word for word every time. You're a really nice guy and I've had a great time spending time with you but I just didn't feel any chemistry and I think it's better if we didn't see each other anymore. She actually told me that she never felt any chemistry with me, even on date 1, and that she was only dating me because I was a super nice guy and she thought she should give me a chance. I don't believe this is 100% true based on the conversation and physical interaction we had on date 2, so i definitely feel like an ass for not simply escalating on date 3 and for not pushing harder at the end of date 2. She probably was feeling sexual attraction but I was pushing too hard for the girlfriend route and I should have stopped with the deep emotional rapport and boyfriend-y affection on date 3.
Is that what this mythical "chemistry" is that these women keep speaking of, because I felt like I had everything locked with this girl. We went deep into conversation and there was never any lull, we indirectly talked about sex and intimacy through our relationships with our friends, she thought I was funny (she actually said 'you're so funny'), she would smile sheepishly whenever I gave her a compliment, she had her hands on me on date 2, we made out with her tongue down my throat, and it was all so fucking easy because she was actually attractive and we had so much in common.
I'm still in the pessimistic stage of all of this relationship bullshit, where I expect I'm going to get a girlfriend without having to game women hard, but I'm seriously thinking of changing that attitude. Pretty much every woman I've gotten to know has proven to be a bigger asshole than the worst men I know. They date married men, stay with drug addicts and alcoholics, and men who sleep around on them. And they repeatedly tell the same stories ridiculing the socially awkward guys in the office who try to flirt with them.
As redonion commented about... I'm definitely getting more comfortable the more people I meet. I was way less upset over this girl than the last one, even though I liked this one five times more and got further with her. It probably helps that before it would take me months to find a single prospect that would never get to a date and now I was juggling 4 women at once. And my anxiety level was a lot lower with her than anyone else I've dated. It is very hard for me to be comfortable. I was bullied when I was younger and developed an anxiety disorder because of it. I had full blown social anxiety disorder from 22 to 27, where I barely spoke to anyone, and barely did anything of note except work. 4 years later and I'm doing a lot better but I'm still a decade behind everyone else when it comes to simply interacting with women.
Is that what this mythical "chemistry" is that these women keep speaking of, because I felt like I had everything locked with this girl. We went deep into conversation and there was never any lull, we indirectly talked about sex and intimacy through our relationships with our friends, she thought I was funny (she actually said 'you're so funny'), she would smile sheepishly whenever I gave her a compliment, she had her hands on me on date 2, we made out with her tongue down my throat, and it was all so fucking easy because she was actually attractive and we had so much in common.
I'm still in the pessimistic stage of all of this relationship bullshit, where I expect I'm going to get a girlfriend without having to game women hard, but I'm seriously thinking of changing that attitude. Pretty much every woman I've gotten to know has proven to be a bigger asshole than the worst men I know. They date married men, stay with drug addicts and alcoholics, and men who sleep around on them. And they repeatedly tell the same stories ridiculing the socially awkward guys in the office who try to flirt with them.
As redonion commented about... I'm definitely getting more comfortable the more people I meet. I was way less upset over this girl than the last one, even though I liked this one five times more and got further with her. It probably helps that before it would take me months to find a single prospect that would never get to a date and now I was juggling 4 women at once. And my anxiety level was a lot lower with her than anyone else I've dated. It is very hard for me to be comfortable. I was bullied when I was younger and developed an anxiety disorder because of it. I had full blown social anxiety disorder from 22 to 27, where I barely spoke to anyone, and barely did anything of note except work. 4 years later and I'm doing a lot better but I'm still a decade behind everyone else when it comes to simply interacting with women.