[MMX2010]

(08-24-2015 04:58 PM)BetaNoMore Wrote:  

If I'm sitting at a coffee shop or at the gym or whatever, I'll often see someone and automatically think: "this guy seems like a fucking loser" or "this girl looks like a slut who gets pumped and dumped." These judgements obviously are derived from cues about the person which automatically pop up in my head and which I have no control over. One would say that these are unhealthy but at the same time, it's the same mechanism of the brain which is used on making judgments on a potential romantic interest as you're screening her for redflags.

No, they're NOT the same mechanism of the brain.

They're completely different, because it's one thing to judge someone's character from a long distance just by looking at them AND another thing to spend some time talking to them (or dating them) to derive insights into their character.

In the first mechanism, you're looking at body image cues, fashion, and muscularity - (and, sometimes, analyzing their tone of voice if you can hear them talking to someone else). This first mechanism is very accurate over a large sample size of people, but suffers from greatest inaccuracy whenever you're looking at just one person. (This happens for the same reason that scientific studies involving only one person cannot be used to generalize about a much larger group of people.)

Some would say that you can counteract this first mechanism by introspecting, particularly about your childhood and the subconscious images, associations, and beliefs that your parents, friends, and media injected into you. But I think this is stupid advice and you should do the opposite - (provided you're interested in defeating the first mechanism of judging people).

What's the opposite? Talk to these people!

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I, personally, don't talk to strange men. But I will talk to strange girls, even ones that I'm not attracted to, just to practice making them smile.

And when they smile, they look better. Not good enough to sleep with, but better. Better enough for me to entertain the possibility that, with enough hard work and personal self-improvement, they could be women that another man would be proud to love.

Just this afternoon, I was talking to a cashier chick while buying cologne. I wasn't attracted to her at all, but she was telling her co-worker how a Man Who Comes Very Often asked one of the cashier chicks, "Why aren't you thin like all of the other girls?"

I asked whether I heard that right. Then I said, "I'm part of an internet community that develops those lines, and I think it's excellent. I'll have to use that myself some day."

Then I said, "I'm trying to come up with a line for you, but my brain is working a bit slow."

Thirty seconds later, I smirk and say, "I think I've got one."

She immediately says, "I want to hear what you have to say!" - excited, genuinely curious, and maybe a bit nervous.

I say, "I really like the color of your lipstick, even though your lips look like they're expanding right here." - (pointing to my own mouth, at the corresponding spot where a small freckle exists, right up against her lips).

She leans forward, throws her head towards the ceiling, and immediately laughs with open-mouth. I smirk and say, "There you go." - and leave.

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My point in all of this is that I have the power, through my words and facial expressions, to turn negative impressions of any chick into more positive ones. I can use this power for good or for ill. And having this power neither obligates me to use it, nor obligates me to spend time with any woman who responds positively to me. But it does beg the question, "Why would I ever use this power to ruin my day indulging in the negative impressions I have of others?" (If I don't like someone, why can't I just leave-with-dignity and spend my mental energy on something I like doing?)