[Dr. Howard]

(08-24-2015 04:58 PM)BetaNoMore Wrote:  

Thanks for the replies guys. Good discussion.

I had a chat with a buddy yesterday who is a devout Christian and we brought up many of the same points discussed in this thread. I don't think I've come to any conclusions on what the "right" answer is and after considering it from all sorts of angles, I might be even more confused as ever. I don't think this question can be solved in a day and it'll be a constant journey on how to best move forward to finding out what the "right" answer is.

There's many factors that make this so difficult. First of all, even if you have found the "right" answer, it's not easy to train your mind and change it after years of thinking the same way. Furthermore, the act balancing act of being wise vs the judging that makes you unhappy and if often unproductive seem to be a very slippy-slope. As mage pointed out early, the key seems to be being mindful of your judgements but how does how does one tease apart which judgements are useful and which are harmful?

If I'm sitting at a coffee shop or at the gym or whatever, I'll often see someone and automatically think: "this guy seems like a fucking loser" or "this girl looks like a slut who gets pumped and dumped." These judgements obviously are derived from cues about the person which automatically pop up in my head and which I have no control over. One would say that these are unhealthy but at the same time, it's the same mechanism of the brain which is used on making judgments on a potential romantic interest as you're screening her for redflags.

I don't think there are any easy answers and as evidenced by this thread, there are a lot of differing, yet valid viewpoints.

edit: perhaps this is the way to go about it: From my limited understanding of meditation and Buddhism, I have to disagree on his interpretation of Buddhism which he compares to serenity now where it's basically "serenity now, INSANITY later." I don't think Buddhism is to suppress feelings/emotions/judgements so much as it's to embrace them, feel them, but be CONSCIOUS and aware of them. We can't control thoughts or impulses that pop up in our head, but we certainly can be mindful of them, acknowledge them and not act on them.

So perhaps the answer is to be aware of all these judgements but like mage said, just realize that they're thoughts. If I'm making some ridiculous judgement on some guy who looks like a "loser" or a woman who looks like a loose woman, I can recognize that these are just thoughts and it has no baring on my life. However, when it comes to a chick I'm dating, I can be mindful of these thoughts that come up and realize to myself that they ARE concerns and to keep an open mind but to also acknowledge that these red flags/initial gut feelings came up for a reason and to use them wisely.

I think you are on point, especially with your edits. From what I understand the meditative aspect of buddhism is about letting go or letting your thoughts flow...like a leaf that floats down a steam, just let it come into your field of view and then go again. A great example of assessing someone and then holding onto it would be your stereotypical bully...in a setting where they would see someone and think "I bet that guy is a fucking loser" and it drives them crazy that a loser exists in the space to the point that they need to get up and antagonize them. Or if someone in a coffee shop sees a "notorious rape advocate" and they becomes so self righteous that he becomes the judge of his alleged crimes and demands punishment by calling down a mob upon him. Thats actually a perfect example of 'judging' someone vs assessing/observing. An assessment that the 'most notorious man in montreal' is in your coffee shop would be to simply keep your distance if you thought he was dangerous, and ask him to leave if he tries to rape any of your customers.

As a man, and a meditative or religious student your emotions should not guide your actions. You should let them 'float down the river' so to speak before setting your path forward. Thats not to say "feel no emotion" but more to say "don't drive when drunk with lust" Sober up from that "how many dicks did she have to suck to get THAT good?" blowjob before you decide to go and buy a ring.