Quote: (08-04-2015 05:56 PM)WestIndianArchie Wrote:
From my very extended social circle,
Basically husband and wife are at a cookout, and wifey thinking she's just rapping to her friends and family unloads how she really (? )feels. In that setting, bitches often overplay it for the crowd. Showing out is what we call it. It is what it is.
Husband hears the whole thing real time. If I recall the story right, he lets her go on for a while and then walks into the spot and stops her. He tells her he's leaving.
And that's what he does. He gets up leaves, stops by the house grabs a few things and to the hotel.
Kudos to him.
She of course spends the rest of the time trying to get him back, talking about counseling (lol).
The follow up was that he got a divorce, but had to pay child support.
Best that could be done after being hung out to dry like this.
The question is
Does what she thinks of you really matter?
WIA
It's the most important thing because that defines all interactions and power-dynamics. These in turn will manifest into the behaviour she has towards you.
This is if you both want to be happy and grow together.
It doesn't really matter if she thinks you are a scumbag and comes back to you because your D is too good.
A lot of it has been covered so I will shift the focus slightly.
What her friends think of you will matter a lot too. Just because women are like that.
In the example above, she is telling her friends, to see what they say. It is disrespectful, yes, but she is putting on a show to gauge what her friends think. In a shitty way, it's like she is 'giving' another chance to you by presenting her 'case' to her friends (this is how her womanese brain sees it).
Women don't understand respect the same way us men do.
Military men, sports men, self-made men, anyone who has been in an environment where respect is earned (i.e. man vs other men) instead of given will attain that the understanding is miles apart.
Especially in this day and age where girls are automatically pedestalized and awarded respect on account of.. being a woman.
What she thinks of you comes down to:
- her attraction to you (pedestalization)
- you relative to her other options (value)
- how she pings off you (how you lead her emotions)
- your attractiveness (both of you) and how that manifests in her image (vanity/self-esteem)
- your behaviour and frame (what you tolerate and rules you lay down)
- how good you are at what you do and what sets you apart (why respect you over others)
Ironically, we are still 'earning' the respect.
This will affect how much she respects you which will manifest in turn in her actions.
Going back to your story, a guy wouldn't badmouth because he knows he taints his image. Women don't care because they are auto-entitled to 'respect' within those boundaries. They lose respect by being slutty or in other woman-defined terms which are context-specific.
A guy knows that it takes a lifetime to build a reputation but a moment to ruin it hence our understanding of respect is different.
For me it is important but the hardest thing in my relationship was getting her to understand how respect works on my terms. She had to earn it.
My culture definitely helps as the women in my family 'show' her how to respect and treat a man when she would have difficulty; relationship calibration and learning each others.