Quote: (06-02-2015 01:43 PM)MMM Wrote:
I’m early 50's, the father of girls. I never had a strong desire for children. I enjoyed other people’s kids, but didn’t see the need to necessarily have my own. Everyone told me, “oh wait till you have your own, you’ll see ...” So, now I have my own and yes, they’re incredible, a joy and a blessing, each in their own way. But ........ they’re also a huge financial burden and they tie me to my ex, who’ll I’ll have to see for the rest of my life. Thank the universe that at least she’s a great mom.
As a man, you can live comfortably and support yourself and perhaps a broad if you so desire. But once you have children, the system is an efficient well oiled machine that will suck the surplus of your hard work till you drop. Don’t be that sucker. Be the “cool uncle” that travels the world; does interesting things; and is loving life.
So, my advice is don’t have children. Enjoy the children of your siblings and friends. Be the “cool uncle.” That’s why grandparents love grandchildren, its all of the fun and games and at the end of the day, you send them home to mom and dad for the heavy lifting. That’s my two cents, your mileage may vary.
Good honest experience.
It was only 18 months ago that something actually switched inside my head. Up until then I was confident that I would not have any of my own kids. For the same reasons that you mentioned; being a cool uncle to my nephews, lots of travel, fun man toys, etc. The difference is in my own arrogance that I can do this fatherhood thing differently.
I can certainly see what you mean regarding the system that is in place to suck all extra money out of your life. If you are not careful. Yet at the same time kids are also just along for the ride, and the only real pressure regarding status comes from other moms. I certainly see this in my circles, as my partner and the other women around her who just had kids are in de facto competition. They are all back to pre birth weight, yoga in the living room, long daily walks, etc. Some moms have dropped thousands of dollars, where I have spent maybe $400 total. Who can tell? Only the ones really looking at this closely as some sort of competition.
And I could give two fucks. The only thing I bought my son so far is some Red Jasper (bloodstone) beads which were turned into a necklace. He also inherited all my old cowboy boots, which came from me as well.
Have kids because your brain reassures your dick that its a smart move. If they are at odds, dont do it. I love my son already more than anything in the world, but I sure as hell would not want to have to deal with him through a terrible, nasty manipulative woman. That would be worse than not having them, I might think.
If the brain and dick are on the same page, and the woman is a good endeavor go for it 110% but with the eyes wide open and always be checking your exits. Not in any paranoid way, but in my own Me and My Son First attitude. Shitty way to think I know, and I am incredibly lucky that I can include the woman in this arrangement because I know that she includes me in her exit strategy.