Hey Daytona, much better insight to your probs with this post.
Firstly, yes, your right! Your not suffering from depression (clinically) but it does seem like your stuck in a rather large rut, being stuck in a rut can easily find you feeling depressed! Also from your post i'm gathering that you are currently unemployed, this itself can exacerbate feelings of anger, worthlessness, confidence etc all adding up to the mindset of feeling depressed.
Interesting reading from your last paragraph of your post listing what your priorities should be, your right! You need to get a full time, paid job, any job to start with (McDonalds, Bar work, Labouring, etc) something that requires you to think more of the situation at hand, where your working/interacting with lots of different people. Work is good for your soul, giving you a sense of purpose/worth, makes you think, gets you into a routine etc.
Sometimes it's beneficial to have 2 jobs,(1 full time the other part time), financially rewarding but also takes care of those hours where you sit & reflect on the past. On a personal note for yourself this routine would certainly rid yourself of both the laying in bed till 12 & the falling back into the trap of laptop porn, through boredom!!
Again routine is the key here, if your stuck in a rut of getting up at 12 and you aren't doing much during you day, in reality your going to find it hard to get to sleep before say 4-5 am unless you tire yourself out on the laptop! Vicious Circle!!
Better to try & get yourself into a good routine, I have my alarms set for between 6 & 6.30 seven days a week, have several on phones, plug in types etc. I work in a manual labour trade where I can work as many hours that I want, after a days work and maybe visiting family/friends/pub on way home then making food at home, i'm tiring fast, usually after catching up with news/programmes etc on TV i'm fighting sleep at 11(ish) if I want to break my NoFap for that day, it better be quick!!
On the other points of your post, you seem like an intelligent person, been to college, made it through to the aptitude tests for RAF. Life, not just women, is all about gaming, so you fucked up last time, so what! Lesson you should be taking from that is, if you want to try it again, now you know what is required in the tests, you now have 6 months to get your shit together, get your college A game back & piss all over the tests next time. Another in on this subject of the RAF is I've recently seen advertisements in the press looking for Reservists for the RAF, look into it, could help if you are considering applying again.
Ha! FUCK Vday! What a load of bollocks buddy. Get your shit together with job, disposable income, new social circle etc then the gaming can truly begin. With the combination of these 3 things it won't be too long before your confidence starts to grow which in turn attracts attention from potential lays, even ex's get to know about noticeable improvements & like to come back to see what they're missing, if you have too, fuck them!! Your the most important thing in your life, look after #1.
I have January B.day too, yeh it sucks, everybody skint, nobody out, Xmas presents when a kid were for your B.day too, same old shit, again take for what it is, we can't change it, just accept it. It's really not life or death, is it!
Finally, yeh, living in the UK during the winter is shit, especially if you have no disposable income, but I think you may be making it worse by missing most of what little daylight we do have, get up & get out in the mornings for a start, spring is just round the corner! Regarding your not having a right to be part of this community, bull-shit! You've took the first step to ask, sometimes, more experienced members advice on something you hope to improve on, that's far better than being scared to ask & continuing to live with things that clearly have an effect on your well being. Well Done!
Firstly, yes, your right! Your not suffering from depression (clinically) but it does seem like your stuck in a rather large rut, being stuck in a rut can easily find you feeling depressed! Also from your post i'm gathering that you are currently unemployed, this itself can exacerbate feelings of anger, worthlessness, confidence etc all adding up to the mindset of feeling depressed.
Interesting reading from your last paragraph of your post listing what your priorities should be, your right! You need to get a full time, paid job, any job to start with (McDonalds, Bar work, Labouring, etc) something that requires you to think more of the situation at hand, where your working/interacting with lots of different people. Work is good for your soul, giving you a sense of purpose/worth, makes you think, gets you into a routine etc.
Sometimes it's beneficial to have 2 jobs,(1 full time the other part time), financially rewarding but also takes care of those hours where you sit & reflect on the past. On a personal note for yourself this routine would certainly rid yourself of both the laying in bed till 12 & the falling back into the trap of laptop porn, through boredom!!
Again routine is the key here, if your stuck in a rut of getting up at 12 and you aren't doing much during you day, in reality your going to find it hard to get to sleep before say 4-5 am unless you tire yourself out on the laptop! Vicious Circle!!
Better to try & get yourself into a good routine, I have my alarms set for between 6 & 6.30 seven days a week, have several on phones, plug in types etc. I work in a manual labour trade where I can work as many hours that I want, after a days work and maybe visiting family/friends/pub on way home then making food at home, i'm tiring fast, usually after catching up with news/programmes etc on TV i'm fighting sleep at 11(ish) if I want to break my NoFap for that day, it better be quick!!
On the other points of your post, you seem like an intelligent person, been to college, made it through to the aptitude tests for RAF. Life, not just women, is all about gaming, so you fucked up last time, so what! Lesson you should be taking from that is, if you want to try it again, now you know what is required in the tests, you now have 6 months to get your shit together, get your college A game back & piss all over the tests next time. Another in on this subject of the RAF is I've recently seen advertisements in the press looking for Reservists for the RAF, look into it, could help if you are considering applying again.
Ha! FUCK Vday! What a load of bollocks buddy. Get your shit together with job, disposable income, new social circle etc then the gaming can truly begin. With the combination of these 3 things it won't be too long before your confidence starts to grow which in turn attracts attention from potential lays, even ex's get to know about noticeable improvements & like to come back to see what they're missing, if you have too, fuck them!! Your the most important thing in your life, look after #1.
I have January B.day too, yeh it sucks, everybody skint, nobody out, Xmas presents when a kid were for your B.day too, same old shit, again take for what it is, we can't change it, just accept it. It's really not life or death, is it!
Finally, yeh, living in the UK during the winter is shit, especially if you have no disposable income, but I think you may be making it worse by missing most of what little daylight we do have, get up & get out in the mornings for a start, spring is just round the corner! Regarding your not having a right to be part of this community, bull-shit! You've took the first step to ask, sometimes, more experienced members advice on something you hope to improve on, that's far better than being scared to ask & continuing to live with things that clearly have an effect on your well being. Well Done!