[Dusty]

http://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/h...story.html

The comments are promising.

Quote:

How to find a feminist boyfriend

By Lisa Bonos January 2 at 5:20 PM

Lisa Bonos is Outlook’s assistant editor. Follow her on Twitter: @lisabonos.



“I find it really attractive how successful you are,” my date said, leaning in for a kiss.



Sure, it sounds like a line. But it also sounds like feminism. It certainly made him more appealing than the guy who said, “Wow, you’re really ambitious,” like he was surprised. Or the one who asked, “Why do you work so much?” and “Why would you want to work even more?” when I was angling for a promotion.

It didn’t work out with any of those men, but going out with them made it all the more obvious to me what I want a partner to be: cute, smart, funny and . . . yes, feminist. So go ahead, alert Susan Patton, Lori Gottlieb and the rest of the get-married-already crowd: A 30-something single woman, eggs unfrozen, is telling other single women that they should dare to want it all if they ever hope to have it all.




Define what you’re looking for.

Is he a feminist if he proclaims, on a first date, that he could see himself taking his wife’s last name?



(Maybe his own name is pretty generic.) If he insists on doing the dishes after you’ve cooked dinner together but proceeds to whip the dish towel at your ass, is that playful or objectifying? (Both.) Is he sexist if he cancels an Uber ride because a female driver is on her way to pick the two of you up? (Definitely.)

Of course, way too many guys think they’re feminists but don’t live up to it. A true male feminist is supportive of, interested in and enthusiastic about his partner’s career. He might not expect to earn more than his partner or think that his career trumps hers; a feminist couple might relocate for the woman’s career. Things are moving in this direction: A 2014 study by the moving company Mayflower found that 72 percent of millennials would move for a female spouse’s job, compared with 59 percent of baby boomers.



Minkowitz thinks that sometimes straight people fear that if they try to have an egalitarian relationship, sexual attraction will suffer. “That’s an unnecessary worry,” she says, “because you can still admire the way a person is masculine or feminine without buying into a whole socioeconomic package that goes along with that.”




“If you’re a woman who wants a man to grab you and kiss you because that’s what sweeps you off your feet, realistically, a feminist man is not going to do that,” says Rita Goodroe, a 38-year-old life coach in Northern Virginia who works mostly with singles. “He’s going to ask for permission.”

I’d rather have permission than confusion.



A feminist dater or boyfriend (and yes, feminists have boyfriends) is aware of the ways women have traditionally been held back, by others and by our own accord, and actively pushes against that. He’s sensitive to the fact that women’s bodies are frequently judged, abused and legislated, and takes no part in that. He gets it.