Quote: (12-30-2014 09:11 PM)h5757 Wrote:
should you build comfort over the online dating site messages before you ask for her number? Or should you build comfort over the phone? I’d prefer to talk to a woman on the phone before going out on a date with her. I’d prefer not to build comfort beginning on the first date because I’d prefer to get to know her as a person before we actually meet up; otherwise it would be a complete waste of time if I met up with her and found out that we’re completely incompatible.
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I’m very introverted, so I don’t have much to discuss to make me look high-status or more interesting than the majority of the guys who she has dated.
Some things to keep in mind: on the dating website, she is getting bombarded by bulk messages. You are one message in a list of dozens.
Once you get her to your phone messaging app, she has read your profile and seen your pics, and considers you a guy acceptable enough to give her contact to (she could simply have ignored you). She is still, however, getting messaged by other guys. You are still just a 'bing bing' sound coming from her phone.
Once you talk to her on the phone (optional), you are now a voice. You are more 'real', but still just a voice on a telephone.
Once you are with her in person, you are a 'real guy', and the actual courtship begins.
You should try to progress through these stages as fast as possible. The amount of comfort required is not that large - if she is on an online dating site she is generally looking to meet someone. As a gauge - I will generally have asked her on a date by the 5th message exchange (any medium), and the rest after that is planning, unless she is busy.
Drop the requirement of 'compatibility'. This is just your introversion acting in disguise. You are highly introverted, and you require compatibility? Would not the highest compatibility thus be with other highly introverted girls? This is the path to no-one actually meeting.
If you meet a girl who's personality doesn't fit you, it is not a 'complete waste of time'. It is valuable. You gain experience in the courtship process.