Warning* may contain lots of blue pill.
I know this is like beating a dead horse but I need someone to hear my whoas and hopefully the manosphere can give me a good kick in the ass.
I started seeing a girl from college last December after she had moved to my city. She had recently gotten out of a 2 yr relationship that summer with the her first bf. Things go great for the first few months. I'm teaching her new moves in the sack as she had never even done reverse cow or pronebone. I take it as her wanting to learn some new material but also weary as I was only the 2nd guy she's even been with.
Prior to her, my longest relationship was a month. I've never been in anything other than casual mini relationships until I met her.
Soo after a few months I end up in uncharted territory ~ that awkward stage of a relationship. Sex continues but I'm not sure if I should be romanticizing it or just keep fucking her sideways. I keep on screwing her sideways because I figure I'll give her the x-art scenes when I'm in "love". She starts to feel like she's doing something wrong (she was fun to be with as we gelled real well but her head game was the worst) I just wanted more excitement. She also just never escalated things when we were alone- always up to me if I were getting laid on specific night. Fine
And still, she confides in me, tells me all her family problems. Cries in my arms because her family dog is put down and this gets to me. It's something that I've never had and sadly something that I enjoyed and wanted more of.
But it all ended in May when we finally had the conversation we needed to have a while ago. She didn't want a relationship while I wanted to cling to a connection and an idea I had drawn up in my head. I tell her not to contact me and pull the plug. True to form, she contacts me two weeks later and says " This sucks, I miss you but I have to do what's best for me right now". I tell her she's gotta do what she's gotta do.. The next week I'm at a concert and we see each other and dance throughout the whole set. She grabs my newly formed beard for an hr straight saying how she misses me throughout the process. I play it cool and just shake my head and enjoy the music.
Fast forward 3 weeks and she snapchats me excited about a new job. I txt back an airport scene as I'm jumping on a plane to vegas. Two minutes later she fb's me a ticket to a folk festival thinking I'm leaving for good. I take her up on the offer hopping that his is my redux... The whole time I'm there I get nodda. No inside jokes, no talking, no acknowledgment. I sense now that I've embarked on a 3 day extravaganza with some acquaintances and a girl who has moved on. I lucky find another friend of mine, ditch them and make friends with the beer reps. blackout the whole weekend. I lose my phone he last day and ask to borrow hers for my scavenger hunt. Low and behold a message screen is already open from an unknown dude. - girl fucks a dude four days after our talk in May... And I feel misled as the weekends 5th wheel. The whole drive back, I'm the only dude in a car full of women and she goes on about wishing she "did things differently in college" and scoffed at the idea of a relationship. Literally said "ewww" as Shes deep in her phone texting new guy. Thinking of the image of her head hitting the back off the drivers seat, I reach for some grizzly wintergreen. As soon as I'm dropped off I mule it over all night.
Next morning I delete her from my life
I don't know why I'm still so butt hurt about it. I wish I had never gotten my hands on her phone and open that bag of worms. I don't want to love or hate this person, I want to feel indifferent. Just not give a fuck. I think about the times I would bend her over and she smelled of anal. I think about the times she didn't shave her clam. But still cannot get her out of my mind. Maybe because she was an 8, Maybe it's because of her social proof, or I'm trying to hold on to a person who doesn't exist anymore.
I'm moving out west to start a new chapter and to find some personal growth. I found this site after my demise but you boys have really shown me some light. I no longer yearn for the american dream as much. I want to do what many members are doing on this forum- and that is having more "fuck it" in my system while enjoying new people places and their environment.
I'd like to post pics so you guys can knock her off a few scales and let the hate begin
I know this is like beating a dead horse but I need someone to hear my whoas and hopefully the manosphere can give me a good kick in the ass.
I started seeing a girl from college last December after she had moved to my city. She had recently gotten out of a 2 yr relationship that summer with the her first bf. Things go great for the first few months. I'm teaching her new moves in the sack as she had never even done reverse cow or pronebone. I take it as her wanting to learn some new material but also weary as I was only the 2nd guy she's even been with.
Prior to her, my longest relationship was a month. I've never been in anything other than casual mini relationships until I met her.
Soo after a few months I end up in uncharted territory ~ that awkward stage of a relationship. Sex continues but I'm not sure if I should be romanticizing it or just keep fucking her sideways. I keep on screwing her sideways because I figure I'll give her the x-art scenes when I'm in "love". She starts to feel like she's doing something wrong (she was fun to be with as we gelled real well but her head game was the worst) I just wanted more excitement. She also just never escalated things when we were alone- always up to me if I were getting laid on specific night. Fine
And still, she confides in me, tells me all her family problems. Cries in my arms because her family dog is put down and this gets to me. It's something that I've never had and sadly something that I enjoyed and wanted more of.
But it all ended in May when we finally had the conversation we needed to have a while ago. She didn't want a relationship while I wanted to cling to a connection and an idea I had drawn up in my head. I tell her not to contact me and pull the plug. True to form, she contacts me two weeks later and says " This sucks, I miss you but I have to do what's best for me right now". I tell her she's gotta do what she's gotta do.. The next week I'm at a concert and we see each other and dance throughout the whole set. She grabs my newly formed beard for an hr straight saying how she misses me throughout the process. I play it cool and just shake my head and enjoy the music.
Fast forward 3 weeks and she snapchats me excited about a new job. I txt back an airport scene as I'm jumping on a plane to vegas. Two minutes later she fb's me a ticket to a folk festival thinking I'm leaving for good. I take her up on the offer hopping that his is my redux... The whole time I'm there I get nodda. No inside jokes, no talking, no acknowledgment. I sense now that I've embarked on a 3 day extravaganza with some acquaintances and a girl who has moved on. I lucky find another friend of mine, ditch them and make friends with the beer reps. blackout the whole weekend. I lose my phone he last day and ask to borrow hers for my scavenger hunt. Low and behold a message screen is already open from an unknown dude. - girl fucks a dude four days after our talk in May... And I feel misled as the weekends 5th wheel. The whole drive back, I'm the only dude in a car full of women and she goes on about wishing she "did things differently in college" and scoffed at the idea of a relationship. Literally said "ewww" as Shes deep in her phone texting new guy. Thinking of the image of her head hitting the back off the drivers seat, I reach for some grizzly wintergreen. As soon as I'm dropped off I mule it over all night.
Next morning I delete her from my life
I don't know why I'm still so butt hurt about it. I wish I had never gotten my hands on her phone and open that bag of worms. I don't want to love or hate this person, I want to feel indifferent. Just not give a fuck. I think about the times I would bend her over and she smelled of anal. I think about the times she didn't shave her clam. But still cannot get her out of my mind. Maybe because she was an 8, Maybe it's because of her social proof, or I'm trying to hold on to a person who doesn't exist anymore.
I'm moving out west to start a new chapter and to find some personal growth. I found this site after my demise but you boys have really shown me some light. I no longer yearn for the american dream as much. I want to do what many members are doing on this forum- and that is having more "fuck it" in my system while enjoying new people places and their environment.
I'd like to post pics so you guys can knock her off a few scales and let the hate begin