Over at the blog Alpha Game, Vox Day has written about "the window of opportunity" men have with women. In a lot of cases, it's open for a brief period, then shuts.
You just experienced it shutting. This doesn't happen in all cases. But with a married woman, she probably let her guard down temporarily for you, then thought the better of it.
The only advice I can give is hold your frame more. When she stopped you and said "he's a nice guy," instead of "I took that as a sign for me to stop" you could have said something like "Um hm, sure" (agree and amplify) and just continued on. Or you could have immediately changed the frame by faking a temporary muscle spasm, getting her to give you a back rub, then continuing on.
I think this falls under the "last minute resistance" (LMR) category and this is not my area of expertise. So you might want to look elsewhere for info on that. But I do know that when a woman says something like that, she's looking for reassurance that what she's doing isn't wrong.
You didn't reassure her of that. What you did was "the nice thing," philosophically speaking, but in the sexual realm, it didn't work. You probably amplified her guilt and definitely allowed her to take you both out of the moment.
Roissy/Heartiste has a list of Maxims that would be good for you to read (Hawaiian Libertarian compiled them here).
One of them is this: "Maxim #30: Women will not hold it against you for trying to get into their panties on the first night. In fact, they will respect you more for your boldness and willingness to follow your manly desires."
I would add that women often won't forgive when you're not bold enough, probably because it tells them you didn't desire them that much. And no matter how much bullshit the media throws forth about catcalling, sexual harassment and the like, all women want to be desired first and foremost (it's been argued that women's talk of harassment is actually a covert way of "humblebragging" about how hot they are, but I digress).
I'll leave you with a story I've told on here before. Back in my teens I was a hands-off nice guy with some girls and a sexually-oriented a-hole cad with others. When Facebook rolled around some twenty years later, I found to my surprise that the girls who went out of their way to contact me were the ones I was a cad with. The girls who I was nice to sometimes would not even honor my friend requests.
That says something about the nature of women that is not discussed in media, school, or church but we talk about here. Those places would have you believe every aggressive move you make is date rape. While you want to steer clear of pushing it into that realm and getting yourself in trouble (obviously), a little more intensity and focus on your own frame, not hers, will probably go a long way.
In other words, make sure to climb into that window before it slams shut.
You just experienced it shutting. This doesn't happen in all cases. But with a married woman, she probably let her guard down temporarily for you, then thought the better of it.
The only advice I can give is hold your frame more. When she stopped you and said "he's a nice guy," instead of "I took that as a sign for me to stop" you could have said something like "Um hm, sure" (agree and amplify) and just continued on. Or you could have immediately changed the frame by faking a temporary muscle spasm, getting her to give you a back rub, then continuing on.
I think this falls under the "last minute resistance" (LMR) category and this is not my area of expertise. So you might want to look elsewhere for info on that. But I do know that when a woman says something like that, she's looking for reassurance that what she's doing isn't wrong.
You didn't reassure her of that. What you did was "the nice thing," philosophically speaking, but in the sexual realm, it didn't work. You probably amplified her guilt and definitely allowed her to take you both out of the moment.
Roissy/Heartiste has a list of Maxims that would be good for you to read (Hawaiian Libertarian compiled them here).
One of them is this: "Maxim #30: Women will not hold it against you for trying to get into their panties on the first night. In fact, they will respect you more for your boldness and willingness to follow your manly desires."
I would add that women often won't forgive when you're not bold enough, probably because it tells them you didn't desire them that much. And no matter how much bullshit the media throws forth about catcalling, sexual harassment and the like, all women want to be desired first and foremost (it's been argued that women's talk of harassment is actually a covert way of "humblebragging" about how hot they are, but I digress).
I'll leave you with a story I've told on here before. Back in my teens I was a hands-off nice guy with some girls and a sexually-oriented a-hole cad with others. When Facebook rolled around some twenty years later, I found to my surprise that the girls who went out of their way to contact me were the ones I was a cad with. The girls who I was nice to sometimes would not even honor my friend requests.
That says something about the nature of women that is not discussed in media, school, or church but we talk about here. Those places would have you believe every aggressive move you make is date rape. While you want to steer clear of pushing it into that realm and getting yourself in trouble (obviously), a little more intensity and focus on your own frame, not hers, will probably go a long way.
In other words, make sure to climb into that window before it slams shut.