My man, I know exactly how you feel. I remember this exact same feeling because this was me only a few short years ago. Please don't take anything I'm about to say as insulting, because I was in your exact shoes.
You've overthinking everything because although you've internalized that there are no consequences for approaching (good on you man, that puts you in the top 10% already), after you've approached, you suddenly live in the land of consequences. The girl has been hooked and if you fuck up then you lose the bang. This is also why you don't mind throwing Hail Mary's, because you don't sense a consequence.
What you need to realize, mentally, is that by escalating you've lost nothing as well. If the escalation fails, then the chick was either not interested and just wanted attention, or not ready for you to escalate. In the first case, she'll blow you out and make it obvious that she isn't interested, andwhat you've managed to do by escalating is eliminate a time-waster from your presence. This is a win.
In the second case, she's unready for you to escalate but will brush it off as just a funny mistake. In this case, you've confirmed that she's interested and can proceed with more touching and talking to increase intimacy before you attempt to escalate again. It's been said a million times in game blogs, but a girl will always forgive you for escalating too fast (once), but will never accept you moving too slow. I hope you realize that this is also a win.
The third case, that she accepts your escalation...I don't think I need to tell you, but that's also a win![[Image: banana.gif]](https://rooshvforum.network/images/smilies/new/banana.gif)
Escalation is the winning move in all cases. You've got nothing to lose and will gain no matter what. Remind yourself of this and give yourself exactly 3 seconds to escalate once you think it "might" be the right move. This shuts down your ability to psych yourself out and forces you into this uncomfortable situation, where you'll quickly find success. It won't be long until escalating is as pain-free as approaching, since you've already jumped that hurdle.
As a quick aside, I'm not sure if I read your post correctly, but are you suggesting that you might kiss a girl you've flirted with...in front of her female friend group? If so, don't do this. You HAVE to isolate her first, or her hamster will go into overdrive about looking like a slut in front of the people she knows and she'll blow you out for sure. I suggest turning away from her and asking her friends, "Hey girls, would you mind if I took your friend over there (point) for a minute to talk to her? I want to get to know her a little better." This disarms the 'mother hen' type actions and gets them on your side, as you've shown them respect and an understanding that they have cockblocking power. It's unfortunate that you have to deal with this shit, but that's the world we live in.
Good luck out there.
You've overthinking everything because although you've internalized that there are no consequences for approaching (good on you man, that puts you in the top 10% already), after you've approached, you suddenly live in the land of consequences. The girl has been hooked and if you fuck up then you lose the bang. This is also why you don't mind throwing Hail Mary's, because you don't sense a consequence.
What you need to realize, mentally, is that by escalating you've lost nothing as well. If the escalation fails, then the chick was either not interested and just wanted attention, or not ready for you to escalate. In the first case, she'll blow you out and make it obvious that she isn't interested, andwhat you've managed to do by escalating is eliminate a time-waster from your presence. This is a win.
In the second case, she's unready for you to escalate but will brush it off as just a funny mistake. In this case, you've confirmed that she's interested and can proceed with more touching and talking to increase intimacy before you attempt to escalate again. It's been said a million times in game blogs, but a girl will always forgive you for escalating too fast (once), but will never accept you moving too slow. I hope you realize that this is also a win.
The third case, that she accepts your escalation...I don't think I need to tell you, but that's also a win
Escalation is the winning move in all cases. You've got nothing to lose and will gain no matter what. Remind yourself of this and give yourself exactly 3 seconds to escalate once you think it "might" be the right move. This shuts down your ability to psych yourself out and forces you into this uncomfortable situation, where you'll quickly find success. It won't be long until escalating is as pain-free as approaching, since you've already jumped that hurdle.
As a quick aside, I'm not sure if I read your post correctly, but are you suggesting that you might kiss a girl you've flirted with...in front of her female friend group? If so, don't do this. You HAVE to isolate her first, or her hamster will go into overdrive about looking like a slut in front of the people she knows and she'll blow you out for sure. I suggest turning away from her and asking her friends, "Hey girls, would you mind if I took your friend over there (point) for a minute to talk to her? I want to get to know her a little better." This disarms the 'mother hen' type actions and gets them on your side, as you've shown them respect and an understanding that they have cockblocking power. It's unfortunate that you have to deal with this shit, but that's the world we live in.
Good luck out there.
Quote: (05-03-2014 06:08 PM)Cheetah Wrote:
I'm a quite social person who has no problem at all to cold approach and make conversation. The problem is that I sometimes get insecure if the girl shows interest..
For example, I speak with a group of girls and after a while I compliment the girl I fancy and she blushes and says thanks or just another situation when the girl suddenly seems to be receptive for a move. Now I suppose that a try for a kiss would be appropriate, if it doesn't work out at least you showed that you tried.
What I sometimes do is that I get insecure, think what to do, maybe continue to talk a little and maybe move a little closer to her and by the time I am about to do something she has shut down having seen how long I wait and my insecurity.
The funny thing is that I have no problem to try to make a move if it's a long shot while if I think that I might have a reasonable chance I might get insecure..at least in some situations. It's easier if our heads are already close, then it doesn't feel like such a move..
Anyone knows any strategy that might help in reducing the insecurity or fear?