Quote: (01-31-2011 01:48 AM)hydrogonian Wrote:
Definitely don't be hard on girls that flake, especially if you haven't been with them in any real way.
Every guy seems to need to learn this through experience, though. I did. There's a lot of "don't put up with bullshit from women" info out there, which largely holds true for girlfriends and women that test you in person.
But it really doesn't hold true for women that you don't have under your thumb and who aren't in your presence (unless she is insulting you). Remember to treat women like 4 year old children when they fuck up. You could get mad, but whats the point? They won't know what they did wrong, or will practice willful ignorance about it, and will just get pissy if you make it a big deal. Talk to and treat them like them like they are your very young daughters. This helps keep the correct frame through a variety of situations.
Being hard on girls that flake = usually no possibility of sex because you will usually get blown off even worse from then on out.
being cool about it even if it was completely selfish = you can still set up a date, meaning that you can still get laid: which is the goal. Also, you passed a "shit test" of sorts in not getting mad, theoretically making the path to the bedroom a little easier. It can actually freak girls out. Usually their flaking makes sense to them, unfortunately, and your getting mad seems completely strange from their perspective.
Of course, all situations vary in the details. Do what you think feels right. But usually getting legitimately mad at women that you aren't yet sexually active with leads to no sex.
Hitting a party isn't too bad of a flake. Its not like she left you waiting at a restaurant for her. Then I'd blow her off, usually. I don't have time for women like that. In this case, just remain positive and present it like you had a great time at the party and that you didn't give her a second thought. If she senses any emotion about it at all, your probably done. If she senses that it didn't affect you, then she might still be interested. Its one of those situations that acts as a shit test, unfortunately.
If you get into a relationship, you can then try to practice a certain amount of behavior modification by getting somewhat strict with her. But not until then.
Well, I did have an emotion about it but I gave her a reserved rebuke. Here is what I wrote her.
Quote:Quote:
Yeah, not the best thing in the world to not tell someone you are coming out after you say you would. I understand, as a veteran of nine hour shifts for two years, that walking in the door dead ass tired can suck the will to do anything out of you (hence my vodka and xbox nights). That said, I understand mistakes happen.
I'll see you next time.
Ish
I kinda come off as snide initially but did the best I could to empathize (my mind state was how would I tell a friend).
Very good advice here and it is going to help me deal with flakes as they come up. I usually don't get flaked on at all so this was quite a surprise. Oh well, put her on the shelf for a month and try and set something up later on. If I blew it then I'll chalk it up to experience and keep it moving.
Ish